Sunday, September 27, 2009


let me just say that i'm perpetually terrified of stepping on people's toes. because i myself hate it when people do, and i did get pretty nasty once.

but i just don't understand why people like to judge me before and after they hear me speak.

i know i have this face that tells people that i'm literately at odds with everything under the sun and love to wear that very much mistaken 'grim ripper' shirt. it's not, by the way, and the reason why i wore it was because it's huge and comfortable.

well, i don't really want to bother explaining myself because i'm simply too tired for it. partially because of the amount of work, and greatly because i've done so many times that i've practically given up already. only those who have really given me a chance to be part of them truly understands that i'm not like that. ok, why am i explaning again...

i thank those who has ever bitched about me, backstabbed me, and those who listen to all these and judge me before they even get to know me. i'm not quoting Shrek in this case, it's just because there is no other lines better to describe how i'm feeling right now other than this.

and i don't use 'different interests' as an excuse.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

this is the 2nd time i'm telling myself. that i should cut down my log-ins to facebook. and this time i think it should be more manageable because i don't play their games anymore.

seriously, i really should log in less, and that way i'll see lesser of things that i really don't want to see, and things that tells me straight in my face that i hate to hear. really. it infuriates me very much each time it happens.

and now i know why people say social networks sux.

i shall make my own 6th division haori.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


yes, i think mr rate buster is right. 'the pawns are the first to die in battle'

so much for exploring and now i've officially screwed my wii.

TMD!

oh i just found another haori, priced at 39.90. so damn tempted to buy.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Monday, September 21, 2009


Haha, couldn't resist abit of writing, despite UGC paper screaming at me beside my workpile. :)

Frau rushed out of the church, knowing what to expect, but never quite believe it. True enough, standing on the bridge, was Ayanami himself, and that figure that soothed his dreams every night.

"I was not expecting you." Ayanami said in his cold usual mocking voice, eyes never leaving the priestess.

"Leave with your troops, you will not taint the sacredness of the Church." the priestess said calmly. There was no anger in her voice, no agression.

"I will leave once I've gotten what I came for." Ayanami stood firmly, unweavering. He raised an arm, preparing for the next Zaiphon attack, but before he could do anything, a wave of gentle white and blue froze his hand.

"Leave with your troops, you will not taint the sacredness of the Church." the same voice said once again, except that the priestess had moved next to him, her gentle, yet strong touch stopped the powerful Zaiphon from releasing.

Frau couldn't remember what happened next, he just knew he had to do something. The sight of her soft hands on the very filth that smeared the Church with destruction and hatred was just too much. All he could remember was taking out his scythe, an incoming Zaiphon, and then a whiteout.

"I will not give up. The host shall return to me one day." Ayanami said, now standing not quite straight, a far distance from them. Frau, regaining his senses, found himself enveloped in soft white and blue velvet with a burnt mark at where his heart would have been if weren't for the fabric. He watched as the military troops retreated, and felt his feet scraped the hard ground of the bridge.

"Daijyobu, Frau?" Castor's voice was heard, together with some hurried footsteps.

"Ah." He looked up, heart tugged at the sight of her gentle face.

"Hisashiburi desu, Frau." the priestess said in her soft and calm voice.

"B-Bell..." Recovering from his shock, he managed to utter.

"High Priestess Bell." Castor and Labrador both chorused and bowed.

"Gobusa tashite yori masu, Castor, Labrador. Minna wa genkki desu ne?" Her smile was brighter than the sun above, that was what Frau saw. The timely arrival of a very unexpected, yet very sorely missed person...

~~

The midnight sky was lit with a scarce number of stars. Frau knew where she was. Standing atop of the Church's tower, Bell stood, watching the city slumbers after the attack earlier in the day.

"Konbanwa, Frau." She said, acknowledging his presence without turning her head. He took his place next to her and looked at the city.

"Naze kitan no ka?" Frau asked quietly.

"Wakaranai desu. Kanji deshitan da. Taisetsu no mono wa taihen da. Dakara watashi kitan desu." Bell turned to smile at him again.

"Mattaku... Anna ni abunai no kotto yamerun na. Shotai wa baretan da dosuru?" Frau slapped his foreheand and shook his head in resgination. He heard a soft chuckle, and turned towards her, only to find her laughing.

"Aikawarazu desu ne, Frau?" Bell laughed harder.

"Oui, nani ga okashi!" He couldn't help but raised his voice a little, but never with the intention to reprimand her. He would never...

Calming down, Bell reached out to take the hand Frau lowered from his forehead and held it tightly in her hands.

"Moshi, Frau no ho da, kyo wa dosurun desuka? Dochira mamorun da, shotai no ka? Sore yori, taisetsu no mono ka?" The elegance of her blink, the gentleness of her touch, the softness of her voice, Frau knew he could not fight that. He was faced with the same question before, and his answer was the same as hers. Identity will not come before the lives of the innocent, and people they treasure.

"Ikura nandemo, ome wa Tenkai no Ousa no musuko da. Tenkai no Hime. Mou mitte takunai, ome nido to koroshitan da..." Grief overwhelmed him as he remembered the last time, how he failed to protect the one he swore to his soul to protect. Though death did not claim her, he still failed at his task. Now, as one of the seven Ghosts, he shall not fail his appointed task, and the one he swore in his first life, even if he has to die a second time.

"Anata wa yasashii ne, Frau." Bell's voice lured him back from his daunting memories. She let go of his hand gently and faced the sleeping city again. "Shinjite, Frau. Are wa saikyo no chikara da."

"Nani ga shinjirun da?" he tilted up to gaze upon the night sky.

"Watashi shinjite, kitto, itsuka Tenkai ni kaite kurette!"

Frau stood there, bewildered. Never has that thought crossed his mind. To return to Heaven, the world once again in peace, to be reunited with the Chief of Heavens, to be with... her...

He wanted that, at the back of his head. Always, and always, he dreamt of going back. But never has that thought ever crystallize into resolution. And just that, Frau found his dream for this lifetime. A smile spreaded across his usual smirking face.

"Arigatou, Hime-sama..." He whispered. Looking up at him, Bell knew she had finished what she came for.

"Soro soro watashi wa kairun desu." she said cheerfully.

"Eh, mou?" Frau turned back to her, disappointed by such a short meeting.

"Demo ureshi desu, kyo wa." She smiled again. "Mata anata ni mitte tan da."

At that, Frau couldn't decide whether to blush, or to smile.

"Onaji tsuyoku, onaji yasashiku, onaji shiterun no Frau da... Honto ni ureshi desu."

She reached up and felt his cheek, expecting it to be warm, but there was a track of coldness. His gloved hand found its way up and covered her delicate hands, his eyes fell shut and Frau savored the only moments he had left with her.

"Nakunai de, Frau." Bell comforted. "Mata ne."

He felt her touch leaving him bit by bit, and opened his eyes to see her one last time before she melted into the night sky.

Frau stood there alone, the warmness still lingered on his tear-stained cheek. Hope filled his heart as the dark sky turn the slightest shade of maroon.

"Mata ne, ore no hime-sama..."

ok. now that i've got this scene out of my head, UGC paper...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Sunday, September 20, 2009


ok here i am, wasting time on meaningless visits to places on the web that i told myself not to a few months ago, tying in things into search engines that even keying it gives me the irks. and in relation to all these, i saw someone that looks so much like someone in my darkest past and i think my body stopped functioning for that moment.

apparently last week was hectic, but not to mention one of the best day this year i had, because i sold comic books, and i found that one thing that i scour the net for months.

Bleach B Station 3rd Season Vol. 2

omg i was practically screaming my head off that day. and yes, i probably had the best night of sleep that day. and completely reduced to a pile of liquid upon 3 minutes into the 2nd track.

yes looking at kor's haori reminded me of Raiin's version. and reminder of that brings me back to that scene which i thought up of months ago. and that itself reminded me of what happened in that scene. and omg i teared once again reading it.

which brings to my attention why the hell am i not writing?! omg. i left so many things on hiatus! sheesh.

but ya, i think Raiin looks damn cool with Kurotsuchi Nemu's shinigami clothes, and Byakuya-niisama's haori.

and that scene, classic!

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Friday, September 18, 2009


incident: Thursday, time 2.45 pm Student lounge.

just because of a 1 point difference in marks doesn't mean you can get away with your :

"*glances sideways* i mean, what is that? *sacarstic tone*"

take a bloody look around you before you even open your mouth. just because majority of us have left the place, doesn't mean EVERY single one has left. i kept quiet for the sake of the people who worked their @$$es to balance the absence of your sense of touch, which you so conveniently brushed off with your lack of sensitivity and perhaps EQ for that matter.

as a 3rd party observer, wait let me rephrased that. as an innocent 3rd party observer who got shot down by your very tactless and none-of-your-business comment, i can see why it is extremely easy for you to top people's hate list.

your pathetic assumptions and how your brain works simply amuses me. and it doesn't kill my braincells to comprehend that and further on 'bitch' about you, which you so conveniently 'assumed' (once again) that we were doing so, you 'converter'.

oh please, you don't even come close to what's called the real 'bitching'.

although i wouldn't jeopardize your entire architecture because of the very exceptionally nice people around you even though it has nothing whatsoever to do with me, you better watch your step, because you may be touched by those angels today, but don't think that they'll always be there to protect you.

i'd like to see the look on your face when you got pwned by us. technically it's not a competition, everyone just want to do well, it goes without saying to the rest of the people working alongside you. but unfortunately for you, i don't think you see it this way but a real competition from your very tactless remark to people who are of no business with you. then again i may be wrong, because the way your brain work is simply too amusing.

P.S to the people beside this exceptionally irritating prick, it's not good business against you guys, it's just a personal issue i have with this person and this person alone.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


tsk... it's only 1/3 of all the shelves...

well i've just finish packing the two shelves above my head now. and i'm going to say goodbye to 1/3 of the comic books on sunday. but at least it looks neater now. i can't imagine the last time... everything is so damn messy... over 2 years since i last dig out the inner-most comics.

YAY! Bleach B Station Season 3 Vol. 2 IS FINALLY MINE!!!!!!!!!!!! SUWABE-SAMA!!!! DAISUKI!!!!!!!!

on the other hand, there's something, or rather some thingS that is causing my persistent headache nowadays, both literately and figuratively. and honestly, i ain't happy about it. you'll bet i won't be.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Sunday, September 13, 2009


happy birthday to huiwen,
happy birthday to janice,
happy birthday to stephanie,
happy birthday to you!

haha!

to the above mentioned people, happy 21st to two of you, and happy a-year-older-to one. :)

on a darker note.

have i mentioned that i hate it when people come to me when they bloody know i've got more than enough to handle and they sit around doing nothing and hope that things will just fall from the sky?

there are already a list of people whom i hate and refuse to talk to, and the list is growing for some reason.

have i mentioned that it absolutely irks me to great extent when people spell 'with' as 'wif'?

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


really, i would greatly much appreciate it, and even be thankful if you could just tell me straight in the face do you have any issues with me. if you really hate me that much, please let me know straight away.

it is irritating, and suffocating to be in an ambiguous environment, not being heard, getting ignored or talked to for the sake of talking to.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

why do i find solace in the saddest song i have now? is it because people tend to incline themselves towards the things that corresponds to their feelings at the moment?

in that case i shall not deny that i am feeling somewhat sad, and i have every reason to be.

and i wonder why is it that some things never go away. like being treated as an outsider. and ultimately not being appreciated.

i thought i put that behind me already (although not so long ago).

usually i will be laughing my head off watching something like the retarded seiyuu event. but some how i couldn't this time...

smiles and laughter just don't come even when you face the funniest crack on earth...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Monday, September 7, 2009


i think they deliberately gave me this heart attack.

for a moment i couldn't find that video. and now, in replacement, was a more retarded one, which made me literately squeal and jumping about in my chair, abandoning all assignments and readings whatsoever, and devote that 30 minutes to watching and searching.

now it only read 2% at 12hr 30min.

i think they really want to make me mad as hatter... with

Kuroshitsuji Seiyuu Live Event 2009

BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Sunday, September 6, 2009


incidentally this is the 300th post if this entire weblog. and i amaze myself sometimes.

came back from running just now, and i concluded that i should permanently superglue my earphones into my ear and make sure the ipod is implanted into my body. it is a mistake to prolong myself to isolation from music, as it is suicidal (in my case) to be thinking in an off-tangent way. and through that i've realised that music not only is what kept me going all these while, it is what defined my thinking even for a few seconds. and that was what defined who i am, sorta like an identity. and seriously, without that, i'll be like what happened on the streets.

and talk about identity. i realise that i've been chasing after Raiin in the wrong way. (again, and as usual). to be honest, i'm not exactly happy going back to school, although i really wanted to during the holidays. but after what i've seen and what i've just saw myself getting into, it might have been a better idea to not have done so.

apparently, i've just realised (or perhaps realised long ago but refused to admit it), is that i am always judged before i was even introduced to. even as i'm typing this, my hands can't seem to continue with my thoughts because it is just so hard.

it's only the start of the 2nd week. even before it started, i hoped desperately for a good start. and things just happen like this. the more you want something, the less likely it'll turn up, or worse, it gave you the worst of the worst.

hard to try to look on the bright side of things, but perhaps the news of november's release of resident evil darkside chronicals does seem to have cheered me up a little. just a little.

"compared to the ways to solve a problem, the more important thing is the power of believing"

i tried believing, i guess i'll give it another shot. because, what saved me back in the early 2000's should be able to perform the same miracle now. i hope. and this isn't some dumb anime/manga crap...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Thursday, September 3, 2009


i think i shouldn't doubt it anymore. that the best therapy for me comes from only one source and that is the indulgence of anime and manga with my favourite characters saying the most insignificant things in the most comforting ways, listening to my favourite voice actors singing with the most normal of voice in the most assuring way.

just by watching 07-Ghost for less than 5 minutes was enough to wipe out the angst face and replace it with the smile that i've been missing for quite some time already. and listening to songs sung by old time favourites can lift my spirits better than a gourmet meal cooked by the best chefs in the world.

and at this point of time i asked myself, why the hell do i want to doubt them so much. i mean, for quite some time already i've decided not to pay heed to people who think this is just another form of entertainment. to me it was what kept me going for these years, led me thinking of things that should really matter, and how things should matter to one. and i've given up convincing others who have conflicting views about this issue and decided that if they want to treat me as an idiot in their world, it's only fair that i do so in mine.

but for some reason, whenever i feel down or sad or even felt the world doesn't seem to give a damn about what happens to me, it never occurred to me that i should go find the one remedy that does wonders in manner of mili-seconds. only after i've dragged myself into that state does it dawn upon me that sickening question that pricks at my guilty conscience.

and everytime that happens, i felt like myself again. like a rechargeable battery finally gets it's energy back. i felt like that girl again, that girl who represented every aspect of life that i couldn't achieve.

but the downside of it, of course, is that energy will eventually run out. and it takes extra effort to get it charged back on again. and i'll get back to feeling like the girl once again, the girl who lives in the shadows of others.

sometimes i just want to sit and cry it all out, because many of them says crying it out will make me feel better. but for some reason, whenever i felt the urge to cry, it subsided almost immediately and my tears fall back down. i think i'm abnormal. or perhaps i'm gradually becoming like that girl, ever so little.

it's barely the end of the 1st week of school, and already i've given up most of the hope i had.

met up with a couple of people today. had my brain cells destroyed to about 5% left. my internals hurt now with the slightest movement due to excessive laughter. but in the end, i realise that, i did what i said. heck self-fulfilling prophesy. because i know i deserve a little more of what i think and what i will. and i should.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: