Monday, February 23, 2009


funny how law of attraction works. and i remembered a simple example given in the book under the section 'relationships'.

there was this guy, who loves to paint. but the pictures that he painted were of women, portrayed at an angle that is turning away from the viewer. so a LOA guru came along and said 'yeah, you must have a lot of relationship problems'. judging from what he drew, right from the bottom of his heart, which is what he is focusing on. women turning away from him. and so in the end, he painted the other way round. and soon he was dating women all the time. alas he got tired of searching, he wanted to settle down. so the LOA guru say once again. 'paint it, paint what you want'. and so he did, painted a beautiful picture of him in a happy family. and now, as true to what was painted, he's living happily ever after.

sounds freaky? like he's holding some magic brush that can paint whatever he wants?

not too long ago, as i was reading through the past fictions that i wrote, it occured to me while i was walking to the washroom in school, that, fictions that i wrote, aren't they the same as the paintings that guy painted? it came right from my heart, that i advocated it. and as i recall back, i advocated the life Raiin led, in all my heart i told myself that's who i am, who i was going to be. i believed in what i wrote. and got exactly what i wrote and believed. never have i spared a shred of believe for that particular thing that Raiin got in the end. all i knew was to submit to her fate.

then i realise, yeah, despite written so many other fictions that advocated what Raiin lacked, i never believed in them. despite them coming from the depths of my heart, i never spared a thought for them.

and all in the end, came back to me today in school. while waiting for the next class to start, it rained. as i sat in a corner, buffeted by some drops of rain, reading in the dark at the notes, listening to "the sacred pool of tears", my mind drifted off, and i wondered for a while, how nice would it be if...

and i looked around me, the entire table, was people with what i wanted that i don't have, and that painful stab pierced my heart for the countless-th time. and and i thought to myself, 'ouch'.

i couldn't continue to listen to that song anymore despite it being my current favourite song. i swapped, with 'Driving with the top down'.

and there it was. a total change in mood and attitude. and suddenly i don't feel powerless anymore, i don't feel weak, that i needed to lean. i felt powerful, that my life is in my own hands, and i control what i want. so what if i don't have it? i don't need it.

it hit me after a while, that music really affects me to a huge degree. two contrasting songs, but a total change in mood and attitude. i really have to hand it to music and soundtracks, they are really my greatest weakness.

and moments before i typed this entry, it hit me again. this was exactly what i wrote, in one of the fictions some time ago.

"soundtracks, that's the greatest weakness of your impregnable fortress"

and here i am, shaking my head, in fact i'm at a total loss now. and that familiar tug is there, the all too familiar, too soon to forget pain is still there, and i laugh at myself...

i'm really weak.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


gaaaaaaaah. school's blog is tying me down, making me lethargic to even update my own blog...

been camping in school's library and exploiting their printer and computers to do research for bobby armstrong. i have no idea why i'm putting so much emphasis on his research paper above all others... maybe it's interesting, but i predict i'll hate this topic soon if i don't stop.

instead of research articles, i found weird things, such as Red Cliff and Journey to the Centre of the Earth's soundtracks, omg both are a die for. and what a pity that i can't find them online, except on a streaming site. which is why my ipod is being neglected during school hours... IRRITATING!!!!! WHERE CAN I FIND THESE TRACKS!!!!! HELP!!!!!!

i think i'm really shagged... all these research stuff piling up, and i think bobby armstrong and honolulu are ganging up against us... for some reason they have placed their midterms on the SAME day... my gawd... you guys are killing us...

tempting to skip intro internet class. i mean. yeah, it's kinda interesting to find weird things that we don't know online... but i swear the teacher's voice can triumph in the competition of the best lullaby... and that freaking hell long break...

but time sorta flew... and already it's the 6th week. and almost.. ALMOST half the sem is gone... wow. i felt like i've just started school! or in a whirlwind but have no idea... incredible.

i should. start running soon. something suddenly bugs me at the back of my head. well. yeah.

i'm immuned... i guess. that my body registers nothing else, no school stress, no school work, nothing else except the sole complain that i have with the timetable. why the freaking hell do i have to wake up everyday at 6.30 to go school, and screw up my bio clock for 3 weekend days and back to torturing myself?

seriously i feel like i'm living in a void... am i still alive?

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Monday, February 9, 2009

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Saturday, February 7, 2009


i was right.

everything came back to haunt me again, just as when i predicted it to be so.

i woke up crying once again, not knowing the exact reason.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Thursday, February 5, 2009


i swear, hanging out with this bunch of people is a die-for. you guys absolutely rock man... for the first time, i can't finish my food when i'm not even halfway done, and i let my fries go cold. i seriously think this is good exercise, because laughter is a damn good feeling, i don't mind trading my meals for it.

this is undoubtly the best laugh i had in WEEKS. and i must say i'm really grateful for this opportunity to keep my sanity. i love you guys, really. i might have already snapped due to all that stress, but thanks to you guys, i'm revived. i love laughing with you guys. to hell with the other people present at cafe cartel, to hell with all those employees present, we have our fun and joy and laughter.

thanks for making me laugh. thanks for letting me know, there are more important things in life. thanks for being there today, even though the star of the day is not me.

happy birthday to pal, finally the big 21. hope you like the presents and the dinner.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


i should get back to blogging often soon... else i won't be able to remember a single thing when all has passed.

anyways, movie mania since the holidays and up till now, been ripping movies off my uncle's com and stuffing them into my hard disk, which turns out several movies from the previous round of ripping was GONE! omg me and my dad and mum were happily watching Indiana Jones the one with the crystal skull one when part 2 can't load. i'm like WHAT? a quick run though of all the movies i have, shucks, many of them can't work... but luckily, Red Cliff works... or else i would tear the house down, make my dad drive me all the way up to Bukit Panjang in the night just to get the movie. i swear it is that good. nevermind, i'll get there soon and i'll rip EVERYTHING again.

chinese new year has come and partially gone. been busy, visiting, impression managing, visiting esther!!!! happy birthday da jie da!!! and ya, a special mission on going.

yep you can say i'm using work to occupy myself. which i think is not the best, but the only available solution that i have. who cares?

i'm still loving Glacier. and my mum thinks i'm crazy, making funny faces and noises at a stuffed polar bear at random times in the day. ok i'll admit, it is NOT normal. but hey, if you look at glacier, you'll know he's cute, and you'll start being crazy like me.

my cousin whom by the way i have not seen for DECADES saw one of my photos in my dad's phone (oh please...) and exclaimed that we have a pet that i was holding while my human rights was infringed. it is either the picture is too small to see what i was holding, or my cousin has serious eye problem, because that thing i'm holding is GLACIER! it's a POLAR BEAR! SINCE WHEN HAVE POLAR BEARS ADAPTED TO THE ETERNAL SUMMER IN SINGAPORE WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE ZOO?

and so it was concluded by my second cousin, that i haven't gotten over the obsession with CUTE stuffies. hate to break it to you sis, but it's one obsession i don't plan on letting go.

yay to Esther, and Jia, and soon to be Qian, for their 21st bdaes! gimme a few more months, and i'll be able to watch R21 movies with you guys le, but sorry, they are unfortunately not the kind of movies i'll go to. i prefer G and PG movies.

talk about G and PG, I FINALLY CAUGHT BOLT!!!!!! OMG IT'S SO CUTE!!!!! HELP!!!!!! I WANT BOLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ANIMATION IS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was until i realise who voiced bolt that i take back my words... John Travolta. no offense to the great actor, but when i think of the name or hear him, i am reminded of his cross-dressing role in Hairspray... and ya... but the dog IS cute. though it's a relief that i didn't catch the movie in theater. because the person beside me will suffer serious claw injuries. and also the storyline isn't that great... oh well, the cuteness is enough to cover anyway.

RED CLIFF RULES!!!!!!!!!!! and what a huge disappointment that i couldn't catch red cliff 2 on theater... thanks to the series of unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable circumstances which have nothing whatsoever to do with me.

say, i've been saying that phrase for some time already... i miss POTC... well, that shall be the movie pick for tonight's dinner then.

chinese new year, spent with somehow an extra dosage of board/card games. taboo and incan gold with relatives, then incan gold LOTR monopoly and ugly dolls with a new gang of mind's cafe maniacs. well, who says internet games rule it all? boooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! BOARD GAMES RULES!!!!!!!!

yep, a particular day draws near, but i'm not going to do count down to hibernation. in fact, i think i'll hibernate earlier. nothing wrong with a few days more of sleep right? bwhahahaha!!!!

i'm beginning to love humanities and how the brain works. and i think the next time if i have enough money i'll buy the entire section for that field from page one and kinokuniya. cos i think i looked like a complete idiot laughing to myself at the book i was holding. bwhahahahah!!!!

"Use a pen or pencil to mark your answers in the book as we go along. Pencil is good for you, because you can erase the markings and pass it on to others. Pen is good for us, because if it works for you and you want to recomend it to others, you will need to buy new copies."

i think the security guard and the worker there are waiting to arrest me if i continued to laugh at this line.

was about to buy the book, when i remembered i still have a few un-finished books waiting for my eyes and brain. although i personally think, they all are equally beneficial and entertaining. certainly the people there are happy that i didn't get to wander to the humor section before 'time's up you gotta stop'. well, next time then. WHEN I HAVE THE TIME.

right. time for my daily dose of therapy. movie time! and hugging glacier. oh ya, and dinner too.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: