Saturday, September 29, 2007
Zephyris! is this true?! Fukuyama went to pierce his ears?! i mean... Yumichika??? OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!! oh my god!!!! ewwww!!! Soul Sonic 2005 i'll admit he's really cool but he sorta destroy himself a bit in the 2006 one and somehow blend completely into the backdrop of the stage... but already his hair and dressing is making it worse and now he pierced his EARS!!!!! omg... if you have a picture let me see it. i can't imagine how sissy or gay he's going to look!
ok, yesterday was hell, i literately slept in the library during the horrendously long break i had when i should be studying for history and computer tests later. and miraculously i even got a top score for QuadraPop on my handphone, 10,000 points more than the previous one... seriously something is totally wrong with me... and surprisingly how one can perform under circumstances where the mind is a complete blank.. i suppose i'm like that. first the game, then the history test... i hope i did well, since the teacher released the answers and i think i got a question wrong or something... but the essay part is a killer... i've no idea what i'm crapping... then the computer test was crap... total crap. and my result looks horrible...
went home and whahaha! talked to my parents while devouring my favourite longan (hehe) about the war between the real Iraq and America and how the other states are affected. well, i'm really surprised that my father... get this, my supposedly 'philosophical' father actually laughed when i was talking about it... and yeah, my mum was smiling that creepy smile there too. but nothing compared to my dad's laugh.... surprises of surprises...
nevermind that... creepy but fun... then this morning... er... i mean this afternoon when i woke up, Qianz called me to see if i was at home, and asked something about the Hairspray soundtrack. my first reaction was 'didn't you don't like that show? why you want a song from there? is it because of Zac Effron??? *evil laugh*'. then when i called her, and realised Yuning was with her, and she didn't mentioned anything about the soundtrack subsequently after the messages, i knew what's going on.
and yes, Qianz, the moment you said you're coming over to my house i already know what's going on whahaha!!!!!!! but thanks, to you and Yuning. Melon is now sitting beside Tako, Tamanta and Baa, on my table, with my phone stuck in him. hahaha!!! come on, your hair looks nice ok! don't try to hide it! tell me ar! tomorrow or monday when you go out see if there's cat whistles! WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! pity for friday you know.... aww.... hehe. just joking!!!!
Yuning! long time no see, you're still the same hahaha!!! find a day we go out together again. accounting nice?
and i just came back from compass point and now i feel really bad... i had no idea how much those clothes cost.... my usual buy was not even 25% of that!!! gosh.... by logic, i shouldn't be buying clothes from now on until 4 months later.... yep.... (crying emoti) so yeah. Qianz... that shirt from Dorothy Perkins... gone...
anyway, was checking around blogs, and yes i see something i threw at someone coming back to me. well, damage done, yep it's done, but there's still a lot of cleaning up to do don'tcha think? you think you go destroy a city or state and everything will be fine and dandy for the rest of your life? (adapted from Shark Tale) sometimes i wonder if people really think of what others say, or just take things literately... i assume this is why we have the term 'miscommunication' or 'communication breakdown'.
and some people really don't understand how to make friends or something.... yes obviously you don't know me. you have not been in my shoes long enough to give you AN IDEA of what kind of life i've lead. and now you ASSUME you know who i am, because 'you were like me before' and then start your whole gp essay. if you say you have already known me for a long time, then if you were to throw that 'perfectionist die a hard death' thing at me and be a straight shooter, maybe that time i'll be able to think about it.
perfectionism actually saved my life when i was in the 4 hellish years of !#$%^&* band back in those days. music calls for precision, and i'm stuck with a Devil's Spawn who is completely obsessed with that tiny freaking detail. Loriene and Qianz would agree with me on this matter, that music is something that calls for precision. so you think i'm still here if i died a hard death back in those days? do you think i could even scrape a Merit on my Grade 8 cert? or how about titration? huh? those things don't call for precision?
and labelling us as 'JC' people. you do realise that you are surrounded by many people who are from this class don't you? huh? count with your fingers and see just in that project group how many people are from JC will you?
yeah, and you're finally right about something. 'some of us don't want our new friends to tell them about somethings'. it's pretty blatantly obvious isn't it? huh? you don't know us well enough to pass judgement. 1 freaking month. and i see you for only 2 days a week. and count it, it's just 8 times or more. and that's enough for you to know me?
and you don't give people the chance to change don't you? 'i don't want to waste my energy telling you because you're just going to ignore it'. when you are the one who was saying that i'm mean and don't give that friend of mine a chance to redeem himself because he blew his chances.
whatever. like i said many times in the blog, to my parents, to Iceberg, to Remy, to Zephyris, to a lot of people, people just don't appreciate my efforts and opinions and suggestions. and when time comes, they bite back at me.
but this time it's something new. i got bitten by something that i've not touched before, and that i didn't see that coming. hmm.. new experience. lesson learnt.
Zephyris! is this true?! Fukuyama went to pierce his ears?! i mean... Yumichika??? OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!! oh my god!!!! ewwww!!! Soul Sonic 2005 i'll admit he's really cool but he sorta destroy himself a bit in the 2006 one and somehow blend completely into the backdrop of the stage... but already his hair and dressing is making it worse and now he pierced his EARS!!!!! omg... if you have a picture let me see it. i can't imagine how sissy or gay he's going to look!
ok, yesterday was hell, i literately slept in the library during the horrendously long break i had when i should be studying for history and computer tests later. and miraculously i even got a top score for QuadraPop on my handphone, 10,000 points more than the previous one... seriously something is totally wrong with me... and surprisingly how one can perform under circumstances where the mind is a complete blank.. i suppose i'm like that. first the game, then the history test... i hope i did well, since the teacher released the answers and i think i got a question wrong or something... but the essay part is a killer... i've no idea what i'm crapping... then the computer test was crap... total crap. and my result looks horrible...
went home and whahaha! talked to my parents while devouring my favourite longan (hehe) about the war between the real Iraq and America and how the other states are affected. well, i'm really surprised that my father... get this, my supposedly 'philosophical' father actually laughed when i was talking about it... and yeah, my mum was smiling that creepy smile there too. but nothing compared to my dad's laugh.... surprises of surprises...
nevermind that... creepy but fun... then this morning... er... i mean this afternoon when i woke up, Qianz called me to see if i was at home, and asked something about the Hairspray soundtrack. my first reaction was 'didn't you don't like that show? why you want a song from there? is it because of Zac Effron??? *evil laugh*'. then when i called her, and realised Yuning was with her, and she didn't mentioned anything about the soundtrack subsequently after the messages, i knew what's going on.
and yes, Qianz, the moment you said you're coming over to my house i already know what's going on whahaha!!!!!!! but thanks, to you and Yuning. Melon is now sitting beside Tako, Tamanta and Baa, on my table, with my phone stuck in him. hahaha!!! come on, your hair looks nice ok! don't try to hide it! tell me ar! tomorrow or monday when you go out see if there's cat whistles! WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! pity for friday you know.... aww.... hehe. just joking!!!!
Yuning! long time no see, you're still the same hahaha!!! find a day we go out together again. accounting nice?
and i just came back from compass point and now i feel really bad... i had no idea how much those clothes cost.... my usual buy was not even 25% of that!!! gosh.... by logic, i shouldn't be buying clothes from now on until 4 months later.... yep.... (crying emoti) so yeah. Qianz... that shirt from Dorothy Perkins... gone...
anyway, was checking around blogs, and yes i see something i threw at someone coming back to me. well, damage done, yep it's done, but there's still a lot of cleaning up to do don'tcha think? you think you go destroy a city or state and everything will be fine and dandy for the rest of your life? (adapted from Shark Tale) sometimes i wonder if people really think of what others say, or just take things literately... i assume this is why we have the term 'miscommunication' or 'communication breakdown'.
and some people really don't understand how to make friends or something.... yes obviously you don't know me. you have not been in my shoes long enough to give you AN IDEA of what kind of life i've lead. and now you ASSUME you know who i am, because 'you were like me before' and then start your whole gp essay. if you say you have already known me for a long time, then if you were to throw that 'perfectionist die a hard death' thing at me and be a straight shooter, maybe that time i'll be able to think about it.
perfectionism actually saved my life when i was in the 4 hellish years of !#$%^&* band back in those days. music calls for precision, and i'm stuck with a Devil's Spawn who is completely obsessed with that tiny freaking detail. Loriene and Qianz would agree with me on this matter, that music is something that calls for precision. so you think i'm still here if i died a hard death back in those days? do you think i could even scrape a Merit on my Grade 8 cert? or how about titration? huh? those things don't call for precision?
and labelling us as 'JC' people. you do realise that you are surrounded by many people who are from this class don't you? huh? count with your fingers and see just in that project group how many people are from JC will you?
yeah, and you're finally right about something. 'some of us don't want our new friends to tell them about somethings'. it's pretty blatantly obvious isn't it? huh? you don't know us well enough to pass judgement. 1 freaking month. and i see you for only 2 days a week. and count it, it's just 8 times or more. and that's enough for you to know me?
and you don't give people the chance to change don't you? 'i don't want to waste my energy telling you because you're just going to ignore it'. when you are the one who was saying that i'm mean and don't give that friend of mine a chance to redeem himself because he blew his chances.
whatever. like i said many times in the blog, to my parents, to Iceberg, to Remy, to Zephyris, to a lot of people, people just don't appreciate my efforts and opinions and suggestions. and when time comes, they bite back at me.
but this time it's something new. i got bitten by something that i've not touched before, and that i didn't see that coming. hmm.. new experience. lesson learnt.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i can't believe this is happening to me
i can't believe i actually let someone's words affect me.
ok this sounds crappy but i didn't realise those 'perfectionist die a hard death' and that CRAP actually became a little sickening irritating and condemned voice in my head.
i realised it while talking to a friend, and as usual my trend of thoughts flow and flow and suddenly my fingers stopped tying and my mind was telling myself that this way of thinking, thinking in this direction is WRONG!
WHAT THE HELL!
this has never happened to me before. what happened before was that after my trend of thoughts then i'll question the credibility and other possibilities. but never in my whole entire miserable life have i even questioned my trend of thoughts. questioned my way of thinking.
and now i'm actually doubting myself?!
why in the world did it even affect me?! you see now Zephyris? you see what i'm talking about now? i'm really sorry that i suddenly called you in the middle of no time and used that horrible tone at you... just sorry.
seriously i can't believe i let someone get to me, or 'psycho-ed' me. the last time it happened was when i was primary 5. is this my fault? IS THIS MY FAULT?!
IS THIS WAY OF THINKING EVEN WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE? IF IT IS, THEN BILL GATES, ALBERT EINSTEIN, AND ALL THE C TYPE PERSONALITY PEOPLE FROM THE DISC PERSONALITY CLASSIFICATION DESERVE TO DIE LIKE ME?!
i'm seriously lost now. Raiin, please please a thousand please come back.
ok, i've read your blog Zeph, and thanks for the support you gave me. and thanks for a lot of stuffs in fact. and yeah i remembered that emoti... surprisingly your emoticons are always the root of me laughing until my guts hurts! gosh.... and yes, instead of using voodoo we should probably aim for a better power. but seriously.... do you think i need to even use 'burasto ban'? because i find that 'burasto ban', yes it's ultimate, but i lose one turn! and one more thing... seriously... i think 'kaehosha' should be enough. or maybe just 'daimonji'. i don't think 'neppu' or 'obahito' would even be needed...
then if it were you? what will you be using? wait... which one are you in the first place? same as me? or somone else? Bomanda? Shawazu?
Zeph, now you know. i not just need Raiin, Shiyuki and all those 'remedies' for us. i also need a particular technique...
Shuou, Ayame, Sotenkishunn, Watashi wa kyozetsu suru!
i can't believe this is happening to me
i can't believe i actually let someone's words affect me.
ok this sounds crappy but i didn't realise those 'perfectionist die a hard death' and that CRAP actually became a little sickening irritating and condemned voice in my head.
i realised it while talking to a friend, and as usual my trend of thoughts flow and flow and suddenly my fingers stopped tying and my mind was telling myself that this way of thinking, thinking in this direction is WRONG!
WHAT THE HELL!
this has never happened to me before. what happened before was that after my trend of thoughts then i'll question the credibility and other possibilities. but never in my whole entire miserable life have i even questioned my trend of thoughts. questioned my way of thinking.
and now i'm actually doubting myself?!
why in the world did it even affect me?! you see now Zephyris? you see what i'm talking about now? i'm really sorry that i suddenly called you in the middle of no time and used that horrible tone at you... just sorry.
seriously i can't believe i let someone get to me, or 'psycho-ed' me. the last time it happened was when i was primary 5. is this my fault? IS THIS MY FAULT?!
IS THIS WAY OF THINKING EVEN WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE? IF IT IS, THEN BILL GATES, ALBERT EINSTEIN, AND ALL THE C TYPE PERSONALITY PEOPLE FROM THE DISC PERSONALITY CLASSIFICATION DESERVE TO DIE LIKE ME?!
i'm seriously lost now. Raiin, please please a thousand please come back.
ok, i've read your blog Zeph, and thanks for the support you gave me. and thanks for a lot of stuffs in fact. and yeah i remembered that emoti... surprisingly your emoticons are always the root of me laughing until my guts hurts! gosh.... and yes, instead of using voodoo we should probably aim for a better power. but seriously.... do you think i need to even use 'burasto ban'? because i find that 'burasto ban', yes it's ultimate, but i lose one turn! and one more thing... seriously... i think 'kaehosha' should be enough. or maybe just 'daimonji'. i don't think 'neppu' or 'obahito' would even be needed...
then if it were you? what will you be using? wait... which one are you in the first place? same as me? or somone else? Bomanda? Shawazu?
Zeph, now you know. i not just need Raiin, Shiyuki and all those 'remedies' for us. i also need a particular technique...
Shuou, Ayame, Sotenkishunn, Watashi wa kyozetsu suru!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, September 24, 2007
about my previous previous post, there's something i said i despise about some people. well i see that phrase isn't as properly elaborated and misunderstanding can occur from there. what i meant to say that is despite my parents' seemingly inferior job compared to others, in the family or outside, i respect that occupation because firstly, that's where my money, my piano, my skills and whatever that made me today came from, and also, there is where my parents learn things that cannot be found in books which they impart to me. and i despise those who judge my parents and me, from the occupation that they hold. that's all.
anyway, i finally remembered what i want to type here, haha, finally. someone, said that i'm fighting against the flow, living life to the hardest and complaining about life not being good.
clarification -- i'm fighting against the flow? i'm the laziest person on earth after my mentor/teacher, Mr. Garfield. how can i be fighting against the flow? just because i like my things to be perfect doesn't mean i'm fighting against the flow! i'm merely adding on to the flow to make it better. and being a perfectionist die furthest away from perfection? so meaning those who are the most imperfect ones (those who doesn't aim for perfection and just hand in a scraggy piece of homework, metaphorically) are the ones to live forever and closest to perfection?
prediction -- so for example a boss hands an imperfectionist an important project, and just like Evan Almighty, this imperfectionist created a 'dam' that is not stable and caused a flood. on the other hand someone who knows about it, and continue to do things his way ends up building an 'ark' that saved people from dying? so in this case, the idiot who build the ark is going to die furthest from perfection, and the imperfectionist who just committed an ultimate sin is going to live forever and attain perfection?
conclusion -- if that's the case, i rather go up to empire state building and jump off, 'furthest away from perfection'. and i suggest everyone from the C type personality family to do the same. because what they are working for, which some of them are successful by the way, are not going to get them anywhere near perfection and they should just die early to prevent anymore damage.
the word 'flow' actually reminds me of something i read in an explanation of the Heart Sutra from Buddhism. there was a page that explains some part of the sutra with the example of a river. the start of the river, the mouth, is an example of the start of a human life. and the end, which usually is the sea, would be the death of a human life. the river, winds its way through the vast lands, sometimes through rapids, sometimes through peace and quiet. as quoted 'in my life's journey, whether the path is twisted or straight, difficult or smooth, i experience all my moments fully. i definately do not wish my life's journey to be all the same smooth sailing from birth to death'.
and this ties in with something i read in Gensoumaden Saiyuki, a genius twist from the original journey to the west, classic of chinese literature. the Bodhisattva Quan Yin, widely known as the Goddess of Mercy, here in Saiyuki known as Kanzeon Bosatsu, said 'wouldn't it boring, if things doesn't change?'
well, yeah, that's true isn't it? life's full of twists and turn, this and that. and from what i see, and my parents comment, that i'm always 'this way? uh ok.'. someone who doesn't have a stand about which way to go, and waits for life to push me in some way. and sometimes, when i think the events that happened can be disastrous, like navigating through rapids, life has to turn at the right point to ensure the boat goes through the safe points of the rapids, hence surviving the event and move on. sure it's tough, but at least i can make sure the damage is minimum and at least survive.
so from what i got that day, steering in a zigzaggy manner to ensure my safety and those onboard is FIGHTING AGAINST THE FLOW?
the meaning i get -- perfectionist attitude = fighting against the flow?
i remember something from Shrek. Shrek was saying:
"People take one look at me and go 'ARRGH! RUN! A BIG UGLY STUPID OGRE!!' they judge me before they get to know me"
then after a while...
Shrek: You're not exactly what i expected you to be..
Fiona: Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
i've said enough?
well, anyway went with Zephyris to Orchad again, and came back with ultimate disappointment. because
no manga
no movie
no hat
no clothes
but, good thing is that Zeph explained many of the CSE stuffs to me so yeah. big thanks and Kudos to you Zeph.
about my previous previous post, there's something i said i despise about some people. well i see that phrase isn't as properly elaborated and misunderstanding can occur from there. what i meant to say that is despite my parents' seemingly inferior job compared to others, in the family or outside, i respect that occupation because firstly, that's where my money, my piano, my skills and whatever that made me today came from, and also, there is where my parents learn things that cannot be found in books which they impart to me. and i despise those who judge my parents and me, from the occupation that they hold. that's all.
anyway, i finally remembered what i want to type here, haha, finally. someone, said that i'm fighting against the flow, living life to the hardest and complaining about life not being good.
clarification -- i'm fighting against the flow? i'm the laziest person on earth after my mentor/teacher, Mr. Garfield. how can i be fighting against the flow? just because i like my things to be perfect doesn't mean i'm fighting against the flow! i'm merely adding on to the flow to make it better. and being a perfectionist die furthest away from perfection? so meaning those who are the most imperfect ones (those who doesn't aim for perfection and just hand in a scraggy piece of homework, metaphorically) are the ones to live forever and closest to perfection?
prediction -- so for example a boss hands an imperfectionist an important project, and just like Evan Almighty, this imperfectionist created a 'dam' that is not stable and caused a flood. on the other hand someone who knows about it, and continue to do things his way ends up building an 'ark' that saved people from dying? so in this case, the idiot who build the ark is going to die furthest from perfection, and the imperfectionist who just committed an ultimate sin is going to live forever and attain perfection?
conclusion -- if that's the case, i rather go up to empire state building and jump off, 'furthest away from perfection'. and i suggest everyone from the C type personality family to do the same. because what they are working for, which some of them are successful by the way, are not going to get them anywhere near perfection and they should just die early to prevent anymore damage.
the word 'flow' actually reminds me of something i read in an explanation of the Heart Sutra from Buddhism. there was a page that explains some part of the sutra with the example of a river. the start of the river, the mouth, is an example of the start of a human life. and the end, which usually is the sea, would be the death of a human life. the river, winds its way through the vast lands, sometimes through rapids, sometimes through peace and quiet. as quoted 'in my life's journey, whether the path is twisted or straight, difficult or smooth, i experience all my moments fully. i definately do not wish my life's journey to be all the same smooth sailing from birth to death'.
and this ties in with something i read in Gensoumaden Saiyuki, a genius twist from the original journey to the west, classic of chinese literature. the Bodhisattva Quan Yin, widely known as the Goddess of Mercy, here in Saiyuki known as Kanzeon Bosatsu, said 'wouldn't it boring, if things doesn't change?'
well, yeah, that's true isn't it? life's full of twists and turn, this and that. and from what i see, and my parents comment, that i'm always 'this way? uh ok.'. someone who doesn't have a stand about which way to go, and waits for life to push me in some way. and sometimes, when i think the events that happened can be disastrous, like navigating through rapids, life has to turn at the right point to ensure the boat goes through the safe points of the rapids, hence surviving the event and move on. sure it's tough, but at least i can make sure the damage is minimum and at least survive.
so from what i got that day, steering in a zigzaggy manner to ensure my safety and those onboard is FIGHTING AGAINST THE FLOW?
the meaning i get -- perfectionist attitude = fighting against the flow?
i remember something from Shrek. Shrek was saying:
"People take one look at me and go 'ARRGH! RUN! A BIG UGLY STUPID OGRE!!' they judge me before they get to know me"
then after a while...
Shrek: You're not exactly what i expected you to be..
Fiona: Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
i've said enough?
well, anyway went with Zephyris to Orchad again, and came back with ultimate disappointment. because
no manga
no movie
no hat
no clothes
but, good thing is that Zeph explained many of the CSE stuffs to me so yeah. big thanks and Kudos to you Zeph.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, September 23, 2007
ok, when i read my posts, i've realised that my english is becoming worser each day....
i actually typed something that will make people think that my encounter with Zephyris is a horrible experience, which for HELL's sake NO NO NO NO !!!!! she's one of the few people whom i am really thankful to have met.
then i typed something that will suggest that my dad is a highly educated person. which is then again, no no no no no!
gosh.... i really have to brush up on my english.... my bloody english.....
once again, i woke up at 1 today... and i am feeling very groggy now. i just realised that my previous post didn't turn out the way i want it. because i seem to have missed out some points i want to make.. and if i pause more than 10 seconds thinking about what to type on the blog, something is really wrong.
and once again, i find myself inches away from a Quiz without knowing it... whatever... i'll just go irritate Zephyris tomorrow when i meet her... with Binary crap and memory stuff.
and just like my nickname on msn says, being a communication student is really hard. not saying that the subject is difficult to study, but as my nickname says, when communication breaks down, it's all your fault. seems like.... just like my dad says, it's a kind of training because in future i will encounter more extreme cases. but, well, i decided not to tell my dad about the story of the king and the eagle, because if i did, he'll probably light a candle and we'll be 'discussing' about the matter up till 3 in the morning.
to me, when i first attended the lecture, i realised that many things learnt in the course will help answer some questions and fill in the blanks from past issues, and also be prepared for the future. and from there i realise that tertiary education, especially the ones that are more 'Arts', it is more about real-life application of what you learn than merely passing quizs or exams. although i'm really bugged about the tests and exams... i'm seriousy hoping i'll get good grades for it... because if i don't, i can go up to empire state building and jump off.
alright, i'm actually running out of stuffs to write, maybe i'll come back later, when my mind isn't full of Ratatouille, logic gates, and Confucius.
ok, when i read my posts, i've realised that my english is becoming worser each day....
i actually typed something that will make people think that my encounter with Zephyris is a horrible experience, which for HELL's sake NO NO NO NO !!!!! she's one of the few people whom i am really thankful to have met.
then i typed something that will suggest that my dad is a highly educated person. which is then again, no no no no no!
gosh.... i really have to brush up on my english.... my bloody english.....
once again, i woke up at 1 today... and i am feeling very groggy now. i just realised that my previous post didn't turn out the way i want it. because i seem to have missed out some points i want to make.. and if i pause more than 10 seconds thinking about what to type on the blog, something is really wrong.
and once again, i find myself inches away from a Quiz without knowing it... whatever... i'll just go irritate Zephyris tomorrow when i meet her... with Binary crap and memory stuff.
and just like my nickname on msn says, being a communication student is really hard. not saying that the subject is difficult to study, but as my nickname says, when communication breaks down, it's all your fault. seems like.... just like my dad says, it's a kind of training because in future i will encounter more extreme cases. but, well, i decided not to tell my dad about the story of the king and the eagle, because if i did, he'll probably light a candle and we'll be 'discussing' about the matter up till 3 in the morning.
to me, when i first attended the lecture, i realised that many things learnt in the course will help answer some questions and fill in the blanks from past issues, and also be prepared for the future. and from there i realise that tertiary education, especially the ones that are more 'Arts', it is more about real-life application of what you learn than merely passing quizs or exams. although i'm really bugged about the tests and exams... i'm seriousy hoping i'll get good grades for it... because if i don't, i can go up to empire state building and jump off.
alright, i'm actually running out of stuffs to write, maybe i'll come back later, when my mind isn't full of Ratatouille, logic gates, and Confucius.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, September 22, 2007
alright, i skipped out of blogging when i came home because i was very tired. but the experience was funny. typing on the keyboard, which i've long forgotten the feel when i changed to laptop, while my eyes followed the teacher to show i was listening. bwahahaha!!!!
anyway, i saw this person on MRT yesterday on the way home whom i recognised as Qianz's friend from NCHS. so i called her, though i forgot her name, but in the end she recognised me and we started chatting about our different lives, in SIM and NUS. well, i shall not say anything more, before i start to get irritated an annoyed by the whole string of events that lead me to this day.
either way, i reached home safely, without being killed by the mob of rush hour and anything else. came home and was so darn tired because i was reading the UGC book throughout the train ride. and my mind was full of Confucius and terra-cotta...
read your blog Zephyris! and i totally agree with your last paragraph, and loved it. whahaha. (sry, no emoticon...) wonder where did our days in sec sch went eh? haha. but well, considering the outside circle of our lives, i'd rather not go back. agree?
well sometimes a person's experience, to each individual is unique and important, yes people recognise that. but what people don't realise is that OTHER people have their own experiences also. often people see what's not right by their eyes in people, and assume that they are just blank pieces of paper, while theirs, would be a shining resume with hard-learnt valuable experiences. so when thrown a series of what i called hostilities against me and well, indirectly about those who made my experiences, (though some of which i wish i were the one insulting), i wondered how much did my hellish encounters with 'the devil', together with my friends worth. for the record, each of them, up till now can still recall the intensity of it, which very much makes us who we are today. but then just how many people would believe me when i tell them that? it's always the same vacant expressions and 'yeah right's and 'so what?'s.
it brings me back to the previous posts i've put up, about the perfectionist statement, the king and the eagle, the right to criticise and well, basically everything. and when i look at the situation, it's just a 'live' show of exactly what happened in the posts. to me, i should be used to seeing this, after all, like Momoshiro said, 'it's like a video record, again and again'. but well, anyone at that time would be furious, like Kenichi when Takeda was ambushed. and yes i was so furious that day that i actually couldn't sleep until 1 am and i didn't want to go to school the next day.
and when i woke up and was on the train, i was listening to the songs that felt extremely nostalgic and japanese haha. i realised somethings from the lyrics and began thinking about the repeating of history. and well, i have my ways of interpreting and coming to conclusions for that matter in particular, but well, people are just going to say i'm doing a 'closure' from communication where i fill in the blanks myself and thus i'm biased. as usual as usual.
my mum always tells me 'don't do things you'll regret later', which i think is really true, especially for someone who is afraid of almost every failure (except maths), and is a perfectionist (yep i see rolling eyes). but for someone like my mum, i am more likey to believe her. after all, she is my mum, and yes, she has gone through a lot of 'thick and thin's and what someone so crudely put, 'shitstorms'. true, since she isn't highly educated, just like my dad. but when i look at them, i see two shiny resumes. but well, when others look at them, it is less likely people will have a good impression of me, due to stereotypes and perceptions of short-sighted, or even blind people. these are the people whom i truly despise and working hard for one day i'll step on them and laugh.
for my mum's words, i took it with nods, and i changed it to 'don't do things you'll say 'sorry' for later'. and, yes i was like this before, and i felt really bad after my actions. so i took care of what i say and do, in hopes of preventing conflicts with people head-on, but sometimes there are those who push the limit and i ended up letting the uglier side of me surface. and seriously when things happen, i find that there's no point of saying sorry because the damage done is done.
in a sequence i was thinking through for Raiin in the Naruto context that day, i brought that phrase further. the sequence was that a medical ninja was charged guilty for mixing up two antidotes for two very similar fatal poisons, of which one antidote has an add-on effect for the other poison. the medic nin believes that he is innocent and fled, but not for long when Raiin asked for two ANBU to hunt him down. when brought forward, Raiin showed him a test tube containing the colourless poison, asking him what is it. the medic nin answered confidently, while struggling with the ANBU. then Raiin took out another test tube containing another colourless liquid, the medic nin realises his mistake. and to add to the situation, the ninja whom this medic nin 'saved' was actually his best friend, and further more, on the day Raiin took the post of Captain, her 'welcome' speech mentioned about the two poisons. the medic nin asked to be punished for his mistake, but Raiin did not. she said:
"Punishing you is easy, but it doesn't solve the problem. One precious life of a comrade is gone, and you cannot turn back time to undo your mistakes. With you in jail, or even dead, you are simply running away. I'll give you a chance to amend your mistake, but you must understand that, even if you succeed this next mission, you can never redeem yourself of the life you have took just because you refused to wait for another hour."
yes it sounds like some high and mighty person. and yes, that's Raiin, not me, not Suen Hui. but i just thought that it is somewhat true. because you can't kill a person and say sorry to their parents. and perhaps in the ninja world, and in Raiin's opinion, they can be given a chance to amend their mistakes, but here in the real world, i don't think that's possible, simply because people don't learn from their mistakes, unless something hard hit them. we get people apologising left right and center, and the cycle just goes round and round. and then i'll always be saying 'here we go again'.
Zephyris, i think you're more frustrated at those who DON'T apologise eh? thinking that they are always right, and that their words are bubbles but in reality are nails and pins, which you hope one day you can use 'Saiko kineshisu' at that right? But well, in my opinion, unless we are Raiin or Shiyuki, these just keeps coming at us eh? that's why i say, let's go get the voodoo kit. whahaha.
and after THAT issue with my past catching up with me on my first day of new life, i realise, with greater importance that people should learn to control their emotions. frankly, i get that from my mum all the time. she would come home with a face that looks like someone just slapped her and when i asked about it, she thinks i'm trying to pick a fight. that's when i told her not to bring your frustrations from work back, because it's an issue outside of home, and i am innocent. which is why when i see her, i told myself not to be like this.
which is why when i am frustrated, i don't take it out on people, and when i have to talk about it, i'll find a time where i am looking at the issue from a wider perspective, and DISCUSS it with others, be it my parents or with my friends. and well, sure at times i get dramatic and start to scream a little, but at least i let them know i'm not lashing out on them and using them as a punching bag.
but seriously... do i look like a punching bag? because somehow, i find that i'm always the target of a storm. the thundercloud would choose my head to overcast and strike the lightning at me. and rain on me. and only me.
and surprisingly, my God-giving talent happens to be 'able to put myself in someone else's shoes' and some degree of 'continuous logical thoughts'. and these seems small and insignificant... because people don't listen to me when i find something critical...
well, i am freaking tired of trying to convince people to listen to me when i make a logical and critical statement, so to prevent myself from walking, er, i mean flying the eagle's path, i mean area of sky, i'll just watch the show, and when my prediction came true, don't come biting at me for not warning or saying it, because you don't have the right to do so.
alright, i skipped out of blogging when i came home because i was very tired. but the experience was funny. typing on the keyboard, which i've long forgotten the feel when i changed to laptop, while my eyes followed the teacher to show i was listening. bwahahaha!!!!
anyway, i saw this person on MRT yesterday on the way home whom i recognised as Qianz's friend from NCHS. so i called her, though i forgot her name, but in the end she recognised me and we started chatting about our different lives, in SIM and NUS. well, i shall not say anything more, before i start to get irritated an annoyed by the whole string of events that lead me to this day.
either way, i reached home safely, without being killed by the mob of rush hour and anything else. came home and was so darn tired because i was reading the UGC book throughout the train ride. and my mind was full of Confucius and terra-cotta...
read your blog Zephyris! and i totally agree with your last paragraph, and loved it. whahaha. (sry, no emoticon...) wonder where did our days in sec sch went eh? haha. but well, considering the outside circle of our lives, i'd rather not go back. agree?
well sometimes a person's experience, to each individual is unique and important, yes people recognise that. but what people don't realise is that OTHER people have their own experiences also. often people see what's not right by their eyes in people, and assume that they are just blank pieces of paper, while theirs, would be a shining resume with hard-learnt valuable experiences. so when thrown a series of what i called hostilities against me and well, indirectly about those who made my experiences, (though some of which i wish i were the one insulting), i wondered how much did my hellish encounters with 'the devil', together with my friends worth. for the record, each of them, up till now can still recall the intensity of it, which very much makes us who we are today. but then just how many people would believe me when i tell them that? it's always the same vacant expressions and 'yeah right's and 'so what?'s.
it brings me back to the previous posts i've put up, about the perfectionist statement, the king and the eagle, the right to criticise and well, basically everything. and when i look at the situation, it's just a 'live' show of exactly what happened in the posts. to me, i should be used to seeing this, after all, like Momoshiro said, 'it's like a video record, again and again'. but well, anyone at that time would be furious, like Kenichi when Takeda was ambushed. and yes i was so furious that day that i actually couldn't sleep until 1 am and i didn't want to go to school the next day.
and when i woke up and was on the train, i was listening to the songs that felt extremely nostalgic and japanese haha. i realised somethings from the lyrics and began thinking about the repeating of history. and well, i have my ways of interpreting and coming to conclusions for that matter in particular, but well, people are just going to say i'm doing a 'closure' from communication where i fill in the blanks myself and thus i'm biased. as usual as usual.
my mum always tells me 'don't do things you'll regret later', which i think is really true, especially for someone who is afraid of almost every failure (except maths), and is a perfectionist (yep i see rolling eyes). but for someone like my mum, i am more likey to believe her. after all, she is my mum, and yes, she has gone through a lot of 'thick and thin's and what someone so crudely put, 'shitstorms'. true, since she isn't highly educated, just like my dad. but when i look at them, i see two shiny resumes. but well, when others look at them, it is less likely people will have a good impression of me, due to stereotypes and perceptions of short-sighted, or even blind people. these are the people whom i truly despise and working hard for one day i'll step on them and laugh.
for my mum's words, i took it with nods, and i changed it to 'don't do things you'll say 'sorry' for later'. and, yes i was like this before, and i felt really bad after my actions. so i took care of what i say and do, in hopes of preventing conflicts with people head-on, but sometimes there are those who push the limit and i ended up letting the uglier side of me surface. and seriously when things happen, i find that there's no point of saying sorry because the damage done is done.
in a sequence i was thinking through for Raiin in the Naruto context that day, i brought that phrase further. the sequence was that a medical ninja was charged guilty for mixing up two antidotes for two very similar fatal poisons, of which one antidote has an add-on effect for the other poison. the medic nin believes that he is innocent and fled, but not for long when Raiin asked for two ANBU to hunt him down. when brought forward, Raiin showed him a test tube containing the colourless poison, asking him what is it. the medic nin answered confidently, while struggling with the ANBU. then Raiin took out another test tube containing another colourless liquid, the medic nin realises his mistake. and to add to the situation, the ninja whom this medic nin 'saved' was actually his best friend, and further more, on the day Raiin took the post of Captain, her 'welcome' speech mentioned about the two poisons. the medic nin asked to be punished for his mistake, but Raiin did not. she said:
"Punishing you is easy, but it doesn't solve the problem. One precious life of a comrade is gone, and you cannot turn back time to undo your mistakes. With you in jail, or even dead, you are simply running away. I'll give you a chance to amend your mistake, but you must understand that, even if you succeed this next mission, you can never redeem yourself of the life you have took just because you refused to wait for another hour."
yes it sounds like some high and mighty person. and yes, that's Raiin, not me, not Suen Hui. but i just thought that it is somewhat true. because you can't kill a person and say sorry to their parents. and perhaps in the ninja world, and in Raiin's opinion, they can be given a chance to amend their mistakes, but here in the real world, i don't think that's possible, simply because people don't learn from their mistakes, unless something hard hit them. we get people apologising left right and center, and the cycle just goes round and round. and then i'll always be saying 'here we go again'.
Zephyris, i think you're more frustrated at those who DON'T apologise eh? thinking that they are always right, and that their words are bubbles but in reality are nails and pins, which you hope one day you can use 'Saiko kineshisu' at that right? But well, in my opinion, unless we are Raiin or Shiyuki, these just keeps coming at us eh? that's why i say, let's go get the voodoo kit. whahaha.
and after THAT issue with my past catching up with me on my first day of new life, i realise, with greater importance that people should learn to control their emotions. frankly, i get that from my mum all the time. she would come home with a face that looks like someone just slapped her and when i asked about it, she thinks i'm trying to pick a fight. that's when i told her not to bring your frustrations from work back, because it's an issue outside of home, and i am innocent. which is why when i see her, i told myself not to be like this.
which is why when i am frustrated, i don't take it out on people, and when i have to talk about it, i'll find a time where i am looking at the issue from a wider perspective, and DISCUSS it with others, be it my parents or with my friends. and well, sure at times i get dramatic and start to scream a little, but at least i let them know i'm not lashing out on them and using them as a punching bag.
but seriously... do i look like a punching bag? because somehow, i find that i'm always the target of a storm. the thundercloud would choose my head to overcast and strike the lightning at me. and rain on me. and only me.
and surprisingly, my God-giving talent happens to be 'able to put myself in someone else's shoes' and some degree of 'continuous logical thoughts'. and these seems small and insignificant... because people don't listen to me when i find something critical...
well, i am freaking tired of trying to convince people to listen to me when i make a logical and critical statement, so to prevent myself from walking, er, i mean flying the eagle's path, i mean area of sky, i'll just watch the show, and when my prediction came true, don't come biting at me for not warning or saying it, because you don't have the right to do so.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, September 21, 2007
get this. i'm now in cse class. whahaha. fancy that, i'm blogging in the middle of a class. whahaha. smsing i have done, paper blogging i have done. but not actual blogging whahaha. this is just so funny.
now that i look at it, i think it's a relief that i bought the book on EXCEL that day... because the teacher upload the ppt soooo late and seriously i didn't know what to do until i read the book. whahaha if only Zephyris was on the com at that time, i wouldn't have landed myself in that mess anyway... not blaming you Zeph, i know you were in similar situation as me, just different characters and different place.
well fancy that. i'm actually going to rant it all out here. well, frankly, my hands were numb from the cold air con and was unable to type, but well, haha, nobody would care right? it's msn, online chatting. also, i'm just used to being a background character and well, i should just go back to be one.
okay... i'm here rambling about it, but it's like it's not entirely my fault. i was brought up this way, and i've got someone who is now criticising me, and indirectly, my parents. because i'm the only child, and also the fact i'm affected by all the anime stuffs that i watch, coupled with the C type personality i am, i tend to be protective over the things i have. so when i see someone indirectly insulting my parents or the way they brought me up, well, the old me would be lashing at the person, literately. and if it's faced to face, let's just say that the last time i did that my friend had to drag me away. but of course, fall on deaf ears, or rather blind eyes, coupled with a remark that says i'm childish and immature.
and well, the thing is that having something that large scaled thrown at me, by labelling me as 'JC people', the context simply just don't apply to me anymore. and it affects quite a number of people. and i was also going to do the same thing, but luckily with Zeph's convo box just next door, i decided not to do it because, Confucius says 'do not unto others what you would not wish done to you'. plus... Zeph would be also labeled...
ok, more ranting at home. i'll get out of here as soon as possible. whahaha. my hands are freezing!
get this. i'm now in cse class. whahaha. fancy that, i'm blogging in the middle of a class. whahaha. smsing i have done, paper blogging i have done. but not actual blogging whahaha. this is just so funny.
now that i look at it, i think it's a relief that i bought the book on EXCEL that day... because the teacher upload the ppt soooo late and seriously i didn't know what to do until i read the book. whahaha if only Zephyris was on the com at that time, i wouldn't have landed myself in that mess anyway... not blaming you Zeph, i know you were in similar situation as me, just different characters and different place.
well fancy that. i'm actually going to rant it all out here. well, frankly, my hands were numb from the cold air con and was unable to type, but well, haha, nobody would care right? it's msn, online chatting. also, i'm just used to being a background character and well, i should just go back to be one.
okay... i'm here rambling about it, but it's like it's not entirely my fault. i was brought up this way, and i've got someone who is now criticising me, and indirectly, my parents. because i'm the only child, and also the fact i'm affected by all the anime stuffs that i watch, coupled with the C type personality i am, i tend to be protective over the things i have. so when i see someone indirectly insulting my parents or the way they brought me up, well, the old me would be lashing at the person, literately. and if it's faced to face, let's just say that the last time i did that my friend had to drag me away. but of course, fall on deaf ears, or rather blind eyes, coupled with a remark that says i'm childish and immature.
and well, the thing is that having something that large scaled thrown at me, by labelling me as 'JC people', the context simply just don't apply to me anymore. and it affects quite a number of people. and i was also going to do the same thing, but luckily with Zeph's convo box just next door, i decided not to do it because, Confucius says 'do not unto others what you would not wish done to you'. plus... Zeph would be also labeled...
ok, more ranting at home. i'll get out of here as soon as possible. whahaha. my hands are freezing!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Thursday, September 20, 2007
well a while ago i was so unmotivated to blog, but haha, after reading someone's blog i get the urge to type again.
i get the feeling that this entry is going to be a different style from my previous two, with me and my amateur sarcasm... depends on feelings at that moment? oh man... now i really feel like that 'many identities' person chief called me... whatever. i am a person with a thousand faces, just like Bill Nighy as Davy Jones.
and let's hope he remains in that position forever unless i change it shall we?
well a while ago i was so unmotivated to blog, but haha, after reading someone's blog i get the urge to type again.
i get the feeling that this entry is going to be a different style from my previous two, with me and my amateur sarcasm... depends on feelings at that moment? oh man... now i really feel like that 'many identities' person chief called me... whatever. i am a person with a thousand faces, just like Bill Nighy as Davy Jones.
what was i going to say..... oh yea. let's start from the top shall we?
i don't know what's with my watch and my house's clock... every time i look at the clock, i see a time that tells me 'you still have time', but the moment i reach the stairs and look at my watch, it says 'hurry or you'll be late'.... and yes, i was almost late today... i am sooooo late today... usually i'll reach the bus stop to take the bus to school at around 7.59 (weird time i know), but somehow today i reach there 10 minutes later... or 15 i can't remember. and i don't know what is with my luck that i always end up with a stupid driver, be it going to school or home... somehow they always manage to drive in the way i hate. either by jerking the bus every other second, or freaking slow... ok i know i don't have a license so i shouldn't be criticising about this.
whatever. well, then i reached school, my mind still cramped with all the foundations of communication, all the interpretation, non-verbal communication blah blah blah. okay, the teacher wants to start the lecture first before the quiz, so be it. and guess what question she asked us at the start of the lecture?
'why do people fall in love'....
okay. interpersonal communication, to me means communication between people, workforce with your yakky boss or backstabbing colleagues, at school with your hyperactive friends and boring teachers, at home with your cranky mom and peace-loving dad, so on and so forth. but guess what she decides to focus this chapter on? Relationships between guy and girl. yes. love relationship...
i seem to have a knack for prophet-ing don't i? i was reminded of 'that' issue yesterday in the bloody midst of mugging for the horrible test today. i assume that was a premonition about what's going to happen today eh? strangely, these things, whenever they occur, i'll tell myself to predict it the next time and be better prepared for it. but as usual, like yesterday, emotions are hard to overcome, hence the 'prediction reminder' was thrown out the window.
anyway back to the classroom, or lecture theater if you want. my immediate answer was 'because people have nothing better to do', which i think my friends sitting on either side of me didn't catch at first because after about repeating it for 5 times then they called me cynical and pessimistic and whatever. and so people start coming up with answers to that, some interesting, some logical, and of course, some ridiculous. on my opinion that is. especially the idiot who said people fall in love for sex....
ok, at that point of time, i was already feeling some uncomfort with that issue, because, although Zephyris loaned me Shiyuki for healing, which by the way thanks, i'm a medic nin also just that i didn't have enough Chakra that time, the wound was still open, and that yesterday sort of negated Shiyuki's efforts... sorry to have wasted your Chakra, Shiyuki... but whatever, i was still able to laugh and comment and roll my eyes at that idiot.
then her next question was 'how do you feel when you are in love'. my immediate answer to that is 'painful'. and particularly she keeps saying 'think about your past experience' or 'rewind to the past'. well yeah, those phrases don't apply to me, and hence i can't give an answer. then people start coming up with more emotions, of which the first half was all negative. and well the lecturer did ask a good question. 'why do people still fall in love when they are going to feel sad or negative'.
(Like i said, these people have nothing better to do. Whahahaha!!!!)
yep, good question. i wonder why too. i really don't know. unless you want to say falling in love is something that can't be stopped, which then violates the principle on which the question is based on. i'm not making any sense? glad you're on the right track.
well, so throughout the whole lesson, she's making constant reference to relationship issues, citing examples and whatever. and yeah, i'm looking at the lesson content from the perspective of a student who knows nuts about it, and not from the view point of Suen Hui or Raiin.
anyway, the test came shortly, which in my opinion, SUX BIG TIME! because yes, i didn't study well enough for it. yes, i didn't study properly for it. and yes, i wasn't well-prepared for it. but then again, how do you define well-prepared in the university context? is it just swallow the notes? or understanding the concepts? or both? well i'm still trying to find out, which accounts for why i'm still staring at the piece of paper when i know very well that i'm not going to change my answers but struggling to remember what i read in the notes.
anyway, that concludes the test, which is sort of a relief for me when i got out of the LT and complained about it. that brings me to the project meeting i had with my group, Comtastix for the communication project, and analysing advertisements, just like old days. then to the UGC 'consultation' about documentation and stuff so yeah, that pretty much concludes my day, in school that is.
well i haven't been snacking for about a month already, and i should just stop it also. because yes, despite it coming as a trauma that my face actually slimmed down, it should be a good thing... and come to think of that... the shirt i wore today looks weird.... yes its a miracle that i even fit in that shirt, but it just looks weird when i wear it to school... hmm.... next time i drag Zeph or Qianz out i'm going to buy something... preferably a cardigan or jacket that i can just wear it to school. well i used to have one, until someone went to wash it the wrong way and the colour ran...
was reading some of my fanfics yesterday and it just came to me that instead of blogging excessively, i should channel some of this gusto into continuing the fanfics. but somehow i think i have a better attempt at one-shots than the long ones. the only successful fiction that i've written so far is that personality one, but i don't think that's even a fiction at all... and seeing Zeph and Qianz back at FF.net makes me want to go back also. then again, just like all writers experience, inspiration just hasn't struck. although i'm personally waiting for that to happen, Zeph you know what i'm referring to. whahaha. when it happens, i'll be laughing like mad, and you'll see a new fic. possibly a Naruto or Bleach one, or HP, just depends on how i can replace the characters. (Evil laugh) (Freak laugh) (Faints from laughter)
oh yeah, Qianz, how are you? haven't heard from you ever since you changed your blog. haha. are they still teaching demand and supply? or have they started monopoly and oligopoly? hope you're doing well and having fun.
Zeph! back at writing and to your sem's results, a big congrads! may need your help soon with the stupid computer science thingy... it just drives me nuts listening to the teacher... you did learn the binary whatever thing didn'tcha? the numbers in the com only 1 and 0? i hope you did, if not i'm going die because i don't know anyone else who studied computers!
hmm... kinda long entry eh? but well, i've had longer ones. (peace sign)
i just love seeing Kon, he's game for a laugh everytime i needed one. and well, that's pretty much his job anyway, besides replacing 'Storebeli'/Berry-tan's soul, i mean get inside his body when his soul is out wondering. and by the way Kon's a lion, not a bear... imagine if you have a walking and talking plushie who has a polluted dirty mind and whinny attitude... it'll probably end up in a wood chipper or on the stove converting into soot if he were to be found in my house... although i do have one at home... 
and let's hope he remains in that position forever unless i change it shall we?.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
it is often surprising how memories, stored in the deepest part of the brain, can surface at times which i find peculiar.
just like now, i should be studing frantically for the communication test which in fact i'm panicking because i only got to know it yesterday, but instead i sit here, blogging about this matter.
i took a nap just now, and i suppose it's because of that nap that i'm reminded of that issue which i told myself to put down a few weeks, if not days ago.
perhaps also because of the song 'window to the past' playing behind this blogging page that is the trigger? the original context of the song was a totally different one. but somehow the name of it itself has several interpretations, depending on the situation one's in. it somehow caused my vivid imagination to run wild again, hence resulting in a disruption to my revision.
whenever i look at this issue, i find that it is not particularly painful nor happy to deal with. in other words, i have a neutral feeling to that. sure it felt like a knife stabbing into me at that instance, but it was gone after a flashing moment.
but look at me now, i'm reminded of it again, and due to my highly emotional character, i'm feeling sad once again. and tomorrow is the test. save me...
no matter how i say it, deep down inside, i know i hope for the other. contradicting? yes i know. the Raiin in the icy prison is trying to break out, although i agree with her mentally, ever hoping for one day what we want would come true. but through experience and prediction, for all our sakes, i know she must remain in there, forever if must.
it is often surprising how memories, stored in the deepest part of the brain, can surface at times which i find peculiar.
just like now, i should be studing frantically for the communication test which in fact i'm panicking because i only got to know it yesterday, but instead i sit here, blogging about this matter.
i took a nap just now, and i suppose it's because of that nap that i'm reminded of that issue which i told myself to put down a few weeks, if not days ago.
perhaps also because of the song 'window to the past' playing behind this blogging page that is the trigger? the original context of the song was a totally different one. but somehow the name of it itself has several interpretations, depending on the situation one's in. it somehow caused my vivid imagination to run wild again, hence resulting in a disruption to my revision.
whenever i look at this issue, i find that it is not particularly painful nor happy to deal with. in other words, i have a neutral feeling to that. sure it felt like a knife stabbing into me at that instance, but it was gone after a flashing moment.
but look at me now, i'm reminded of it again, and due to my highly emotional character, i'm feeling sad once again. and tomorrow is the test. save me...
no matter how i say it, deep down inside, i know i hope for the other. contradicting? yes i know. the Raiin in the icy prison is trying to break out, although i agree with her mentally, ever hoping for one day what we want would come true. but through experience and prediction, for all our sakes, i know she must remain in there, forever if must.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
in light of what Zephyris wrote in her blog today, coupled with a particular teacher 'disallowing' me to express myself with my usual hand, i find my fingers itching up a storm.
Zeph and i got to know each other after about a few weeks after we started out secondary school life, which in my opinion is the worst studying life i have ever had in my life to this date. yes i blame it on my own stupidity that i've landed in such a state, but that's not my point and more importantly, not my concern anymore. our paths differed after moving on to Sec 3, and we moved along, met different people. but what she said in her blog today, which although i have never encountered before, i can sympathise with her. our situations and circumstances differ, but i cannot help but realise that at the end of the day, we are not much different from each other.
yes, i have a high opinion about myself, and yes i've met similar people. and like they say, 'like poles repel', but somehow, it always puzzles and surprises me that these people can become friends, then good friends, then best friends, and if it's between a guy and a girl, maybe even further, i don't know.
and yes i am a C type person. although stand here with a critical mind, with a perfectionist attitude, i'm still also a peace lover. yes my friends will disagree with me that i'm a peace lover, because throughout the days i've been in secondary school especially, i'm so-called 'blacklisted' by the guys as 'undesirable no.1'. well, i do that because i have my own reasons, and till this date, my shoulder angel and devil are still debating over are the reasons justifiable or not. but it doesn't matter, because when someone is 'blacklisted', they are, sadly, marked for life. and i accept that, which is why i'm not making efforts to change what people think of me, except maybe to shut myself away. silly? yes i know. but i see that i have no other choice.
therefore whenever i see myself with contrasting opinions, i tend to say 'yeah i know'. and which indecisively determines that i've lost that argument. and sometimes i feel stupid after that, and when i sit down and think. why did i let someone step over me? whatever happened to the high opinionated me? where has the warring me gone?
which in the end brings me back to the old tale which i'm tired of repeating, and people are tired of reading. 'why didn't you tell me so?' 'i did, you didn't want to listen'
yes i've always said i'm tired of that crap. but i just find that, when people view you as a weak sheep, their perception doesn't change. and when you finally stand up for yourself, they'll think you're trying to fight with them and take their victory. which again lead to conflicts and hence a broken-down friendship or relationship.
i myself have many ways of looking at this situation. the one who puts people down say things without thinking, or unintentionally. but without doubt, these two reasons attributes to the fact that the individual is short-sighted. i mean, things happen for a reason right? and people say things for a reason. why put someone down, when reason is not heard and when the tables turn, start pointing fingers at people? yes, occasionally the reason presented may not be correct or relevant, but that's the whole point of communication isn't it?
and from the receiver's point of view, it just hurts. yes i understand that, simply because i have a strong acquaintanceship with such a situation. it feels like i'm belittled, or thrown aside like a battered doll. and especially for someone who has high opinion of herself, coupled with a type C personality, it comes as a direct insult to me, which of course, i'll never say it to people, because once again, i prefer literal and figural peace.
sometimes i wonder about rights. not the rights that an individual has, but rather the rights for people to criticise. yes i've gotten that many times back in FF.net. it is not surprising that people who flames or criticise often make similar, if not worse mistakes. and we, the flamed would be raging a storm about on what grounds do they have the right and power to criticise when they themselves are the one who are making the mistakes.
yep, that's a really big problem isn't it? yes everyone has faults, mine's pretty clear to everyone. but it is also inevitable that people have different faults. and more puzzling is the fact the different abilities people have coincide with the different faults in people. but what is truly puzzling is that people don't seem to acknowledge that. they think it is a smite to their pride or an attempt to defeat them. make it simple, people don't appreciate the complimentary abilities to their faults but view them as a threat.
and before i get smite by my own argument, yes, i am in that same situation where my abilities, are being put down even before they have the chance to surface. and yes, as usual it comes as a direct insult to me, and again people won't know because of the peace keeping work i'm doing.
yes i am an emotional person, even if the incident happened millenniums ago, if i think about it one ounce harder, i will get riled up easily. and till this date i can still feel the exact anger i felt during the times when i was put down. and i speak from true experience, it is not a nice feeling. no body in the sane mind would like that.
but it happens everywhere isn't it? just different stories with different people and different degree of it happening only.
in light of what Zephyris wrote in her blog today, coupled with a particular teacher 'disallowing' me to express myself with my usual hand, i find my fingers itching up a storm.
Zeph and i got to know each other after about a few weeks after we started out secondary school life, which in my opinion is the worst studying life i have ever had in my life to this date. yes i blame it on my own stupidity that i've landed in such a state, but that's not my point and more importantly, not my concern anymore. our paths differed after moving on to Sec 3, and we moved along, met different people. but what she said in her blog today, which although i have never encountered before, i can sympathise with her. our situations and circumstances differ, but i cannot help but realise that at the end of the day, we are not much different from each other.
yes, i have a high opinion about myself, and yes i've met similar people. and like they say, 'like poles repel', but somehow, it always puzzles and surprises me that these people can become friends, then good friends, then best friends, and if it's between a guy and a girl, maybe even further, i don't know.
and yes i am a C type person. although stand here with a critical mind, with a perfectionist attitude, i'm still also a peace lover. yes my friends will disagree with me that i'm a peace lover, because throughout the days i've been in secondary school especially, i'm so-called 'blacklisted' by the guys as 'undesirable no.1'. well, i do that because i have my own reasons, and till this date, my shoulder angel and devil are still debating over are the reasons justifiable or not. but it doesn't matter, because when someone is 'blacklisted', they are, sadly, marked for life. and i accept that, which is why i'm not making efforts to change what people think of me, except maybe to shut myself away. silly? yes i know. but i see that i have no other choice.
therefore whenever i see myself with contrasting opinions, i tend to say 'yeah i know'. and which indecisively determines that i've lost that argument. and sometimes i feel stupid after that, and when i sit down and think. why did i let someone step over me? whatever happened to the high opinionated me? where has the warring me gone?
which in the end brings me back to the old tale which i'm tired of repeating, and people are tired of reading. 'why didn't you tell me so?' 'i did, you didn't want to listen'
yes i've always said i'm tired of that crap. but i just find that, when people view you as a weak sheep, their perception doesn't change. and when you finally stand up for yourself, they'll think you're trying to fight with them and take their victory. which again lead to conflicts and hence a broken-down friendship or relationship.
i myself have many ways of looking at this situation. the one who puts people down say things without thinking, or unintentionally. but without doubt, these two reasons attributes to the fact that the individual is short-sighted. i mean, things happen for a reason right? and people say things for a reason. why put someone down, when reason is not heard and when the tables turn, start pointing fingers at people? yes, occasionally the reason presented may not be correct or relevant, but that's the whole point of communication isn't it?
and from the receiver's point of view, it just hurts. yes i understand that, simply because i have a strong acquaintanceship with such a situation. it feels like i'm belittled, or thrown aside like a battered doll. and especially for someone who has high opinion of herself, coupled with a type C personality, it comes as a direct insult to me, which of course, i'll never say it to people, because once again, i prefer literal and figural peace.
sometimes i wonder about rights. not the rights that an individual has, but rather the rights for people to criticise. yes i've gotten that many times back in FF.net. it is not surprising that people who flames or criticise often make similar, if not worse mistakes. and we, the flamed would be raging a storm about on what grounds do they have the right and power to criticise when they themselves are the one who are making the mistakes.
yep, that's a really big problem isn't it? yes everyone has faults, mine's pretty clear to everyone. but it is also inevitable that people have different faults. and more puzzling is the fact the different abilities people have coincide with the different faults in people. but what is truly puzzling is that people don't seem to acknowledge that. they think it is a smite to their pride or an attempt to defeat them. make it simple, people don't appreciate the complimentary abilities to their faults but view them as a threat.
and before i get smite by my own argument, yes, i am in that same situation where my abilities, are being put down even before they have the chance to surface. and yes, as usual it comes as a direct insult to me, and again people won't know because of the peace keeping work i'm doing.
yes i am an emotional person, even if the incident happened millenniums ago, if i think about it one ounce harder, i will get riled up easily. and till this date i can still feel the exact anger i felt during the times when i was put down. and i speak from true experience, it is not a nice feeling. no body in the sane mind would like that.
but it happens everywhere isn't it? just different stories with different people and different degree of it happening only.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, September 16, 2007
was just watching Pirates of the Caribbean the Curse of the Black Pearl, and something rings in my mind.
Will: They've taken Elizabeth.
Jack: Oh so it is that you've found a girl. Well if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in there for me.
Will: I can get you out of here.
Jack: How's that? The key's ran off.
Will: I helped built these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges. With the right leverage, and the proper application of strength, the door will lift free.
Jack: What's your name?
Will: Will Turner.
Jack: That would be short for 'William' I'd imagine. Good strong name. No doubt a name for your father eh?
Will: Yes.
Jack: Well Mr. Turner. I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?
Will: Agreed.
Jack: Agreed. Get me out.
i remember saying what Jack said in the begining to a friend of mine back in JC. and in the end, i ended up not striking a deal, which is a relief, because i didn't do it well. which became a sort of disaster, somehow.
so now, miraculous fate decided to drop that vcd on my feet today when i was trying to find something to watch over lunch. i was reminded. thank you.
was just watching Pirates of the Caribbean the Curse of the Black Pearl, and something rings in my mind.
Will: They've taken Elizabeth.
Jack: Oh so it is that you've found a girl. Well if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in there for me.
Will: I can get you out of here.
Jack: How's that? The key's ran off.
Will: I helped built these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges. With the right leverage, and the proper application of strength, the door will lift free.
Jack: What's your name?
Will: Will Turner.
Jack: That would be short for 'William' I'd imagine. Good strong name. No doubt a name for your father eh?
Will: Yes.
Jack: Well Mr. Turner. I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass. Do we have an accord?
Will: Agreed.
Jack: Agreed. Get me out.
i remember saying what Jack said in the begining to a friend of mine back in JC. and in the end, i ended up not striking a deal, which is a relief, because i didn't do it well. which became a sort of disaster, somehow.
so now, miraculous fate decided to drop that vcd on my feet today when i was trying to find something to watch over lunch. i was reminded. thank you.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
well, i sit here now, with three blade cuts on my thumb, typing with an awkward pose... thanks to that razor, again. thing about sharp things is that i have a general phobia of them. don't ask me why, like i've said before, people have their fears, i have a fear of sharp things just like you are afraid of spiders or the dark. bleh.
hmm... yesterday was rather interesting, i slept until 12 again. and my dad was telling my maid to pass a message to me, and i was standing behind him. i think chief makes a good point that i'm good at stealth. surprisingly i can stand behind someone or somewhere and people can ask me 'WHOA! don't scare me! since when have you been standing there' when the gist of the convo has already been registered in my mind. or when they ask 'how did you know about that' when i was clearly somewhere near at that time and they know it. it never fails to surprise me when people say that. i consider it as a token for my trophy cabinet.
then me dad got me to go running in the evening. well, at first i was reluctant to go, simply because i haven't done proper school work since that stupid flu hit me. but then i couldn't get one page of a journal done when i belong to the clan of people who when given a chance to type on the computer we are unstoppable. which accounts for my long blog entries. and also, i remembered a promise i made to myself sometime last year. and in the end i find myself running behind my mum on her bike on the way to the park and around it. the last time i ran like a maniac was during orientation... or somewhere before when i was pressing myself to complete the 2.4 run. i told me dad, i can run fast. shuttle run or 100m dash, no problem. but don't ask me run slow or jog for a bloody distance. well, as usual, words like these don't register...
then i found myself back home in front of the com, back at the same arguement of my fortress. yep. frustrating isn't it? well, i'm just going to take a stand once and for all. the fortress in which Raiin keeps her heart, is one where she imprison herself in an icy prison, in the icy fortress, in the depths of an icy mountain. fair enough. and about the question where 'am i going to let anyone in'... hmm... i wonder. at this present stage, i'm not going to. since the fortress is built by me, and can only be destroyed by me. so without my permission, no one can enter. someone can try to break in. probably the barrier that was surrounding the fortress, but not so far as to the gates. Raiin, she has important things to deal with, so do i. and at this stage, where we have learnt a hard-learnt lesson, it's time we forgo something. besides, the fortress is the perfect test. like i've said many times to countless people, i'm not the kind who would waste time and energy for something i know wouldn't last. and the fortress is a good gauge to see if i've found it.
another thing is that, well i may be saying a lot of things to belittle myself, trample on myself or whatever you call it. horrible, unreasonable, ugly, fat, fierce, arrogant, selfish, the list just goes on and on. well i said that doing that is a way of making me strive harder for perfection. and he makes some sort of counterargument about it. well, in my defence, i find that i can be stubborn at times, but i just find that despite putting myself down so deep, i give myself credit after doing something good and the thing about it is that, after i've said such things, i leave it alone. and probably occasionally bring it up as a reminder for myself and the people around me. point is, i don't make a fuss about it. i'm lazy, sue me.
well enough of crapping. i said i'll do up a list of Seiyuus which i, um... like, or preferred. whatever. and so here it is. no order, just who comes to me at that time
-Itou Kentarou (Abarai Renji, Akimichi Chouji) - he's funny
-Yasumoto Hiroki (Sado Yasutora) - growing on me ever since i watched Soul Sonic
-Miki Shinichirou (Urahara Kisuke, Kojiro, and now that i see, Kotasu...) - amazing how one can do a rollercoaster on voice pitch and tone, especially for Kotasu.... i'll never forget this
-Fukuyama Jun (Ayasegawa Yumichika) - growing on me since Soul Sonic
-Konishi Katsuyuki (Hisagi Shuuhei, Heigani, Sabonea) - partially because of Shuuhei's character, but the roles somewhere else is really growing on me, and making me laugh
-Toochika Kouichi (Amakusa Ryu, Hyuuga Neji) - very smooth voice
-Yusa Kouji (Ichimaru Gin) - GAN!!! again, ever since Soul Sonic haha.
-Madono Mitsuaki (Seigfried, Kon) - omg. this one is a real laugh
-Hiyama Nobuyuki (Madarame Ikkaku, Datsura) - his voice is real good. and i just like ikkaku
-Okiayu Ryoutaro (Kuchiki Byakuya!!) - i think this one needs no explanation
-Suwabe Junichi (Grimjaw Jaggerjack, Atobe Keigo) - *evil laugh*
-Onosaka Masaya (Momoshiro Takeshi, Hirako Shinji) - his voice just cracks at the right time
-Seki Tomokazu (Shirahama Kenichi, Kenji) - another voice rollercoaster
-Paku Romi (Temari, Hitsugaya Toushiro) - Kakoii! i kow tow to her
-Inoue Kazuhiko (Hatake Kakashi) -pretty much self explanatory
-Morikubo Shoutaro (Nara Shikamaru, Musica) - hard to dislike this one's voice...
-Otani Ikue (Konohamaru, Pikachu) - admit it, Pikachu is as cute as its voice.
-Seki Toshihiko (Genjyo Sanzo, Umino Iruka) - agree with Zephyris, his going crazy voice...
-Hirata Hiroaki (Sha Gojyo, Genma) - well, this is my version of sexy deep tone
-Ueda Yuji (Takeshi) - more like his freak nature when he does 'takeshi'...
-Matsumoto Rika (Satoshi) - another woman power, kowtow to her for doing 10 yrs of satoshi
That's all i can think of now... and i get the feeling i'm missing out on a lot of people... but never mind.
hmm... yesterday was rather interesting, i slept until 12 again. and my dad was telling my maid to pass a message to me, and i was standing behind him. i think chief makes a good point that i'm good at stealth. surprisingly i can stand behind someone or somewhere and people can ask me 'WHOA! don't scare me! since when have you been standing there' when the gist of the convo has already been registered in my mind. or when they ask 'how did you know about that' when i was clearly somewhere near at that time and they know it. it never fails to surprise me when people say that. i consider it as a token for my trophy cabinet.
then me dad got me to go running in the evening. well, at first i was reluctant to go, simply because i haven't done proper school work since that stupid flu hit me. but then i couldn't get one page of a journal done when i belong to the clan of people who when given a chance to type on the computer we are unstoppable. which accounts for my long blog entries. and also, i remembered a promise i made to myself sometime last year. and in the end i find myself running behind my mum on her bike on the way to the park and around it. the last time i ran like a maniac was during orientation... or somewhere before when i was pressing myself to complete the 2.4 run. i told me dad, i can run fast. shuttle run or 100m dash, no problem. but don't ask me run slow or jog for a bloody distance. well, as usual, words like these don't register...
then i found myself back home in front of the com, back at the same arguement of my fortress. yep. frustrating isn't it? well, i'm just going to take a stand once and for all. the fortress in which Raiin keeps her heart, is one where she imprison herself in an icy prison, in the icy fortress, in the depths of an icy mountain. fair enough. and about the question where 'am i going to let anyone in'... hmm... i wonder. at this present stage, i'm not going to. since the fortress is built by me, and can only be destroyed by me. so without my permission, no one can enter. someone can try to break in. probably the barrier that was surrounding the fortress, but not so far as to the gates. Raiin, she has important things to deal with, so do i. and at this stage, where we have learnt a hard-learnt lesson, it's time we forgo something. besides, the fortress is the perfect test. like i've said many times to countless people, i'm not the kind who would waste time and energy for something i know wouldn't last. and the fortress is a good gauge to see if i've found it.
another thing is that, well i may be saying a lot of things to belittle myself, trample on myself or whatever you call it. horrible, unreasonable, ugly, fat, fierce, arrogant, selfish, the list just goes on and on. well i said that doing that is a way of making me strive harder for perfection. and he makes some sort of counterargument about it. well, in my defence, i find that i can be stubborn at times, but i just find that despite putting myself down so deep, i give myself credit after doing something good and the thing about it is that, after i've said such things, i leave it alone. and probably occasionally bring it up as a reminder for myself and the people around me. point is, i don't make a fuss about it. i'm lazy, sue me.
well enough of crapping. i said i'll do up a list of Seiyuus which i, um... like, or preferred. whatever. and so here it is. no order, just who comes to me at that time
-Itou Kentarou (Abarai Renji, Akimichi Chouji) - he's funny
-Yasumoto Hiroki (Sado Yasutora) - growing on me ever since i watched Soul Sonic
-Miki Shinichirou (Urahara Kisuke, Kojiro, and now that i see, Kotasu...) - amazing how one can do a rollercoaster on voice pitch and tone, especially for Kotasu.... i'll never forget this
-Fukuyama Jun (Ayasegawa Yumichika) - growing on me since Soul Sonic
-Konishi Katsuyuki (Hisagi Shuuhei, Heigani, Sabonea) - partially because of Shuuhei's character, but the roles somewhere else is really growing on me, and making me laugh
-Toochika Kouichi (Amakusa Ryu, Hyuuga Neji) - very smooth voice
-Yusa Kouji (Ichimaru Gin) - GAN!!! again, ever since Soul Sonic haha.
-Madono Mitsuaki (Seigfried, Kon) - omg. this one is a real laugh
-Hiyama Nobuyuki (Madarame Ikkaku, Datsura) - his voice is real good. and i just like ikkaku
-Okiayu Ryoutaro (Kuchiki Byakuya!!) - i think this one needs no explanation
-Suwabe Junichi (Grimjaw Jaggerjack, Atobe Keigo) - *evil laugh*
-Onosaka Masaya (Momoshiro Takeshi, Hirako Shinji) - his voice just cracks at the right time
-Seki Tomokazu (Shirahama Kenichi, Kenji) - another voice rollercoaster
-Paku Romi (Temari, Hitsugaya Toushiro) - Kakoii! i kow tow to her
-Inoue Kazuhiko (Hatake Kakashi) -pretty much self explanatory
-Morikubo Shoutaro (Nara Shikamaru, Musica) - hard to dislike this one's voice...
-Otani Ikue (Konohamaru, Pikachu) - admit it, Pikachu is as cute as its voice.
-Seki Toshihiko (Genjyo Sanzo, Umino Iruka) - agree with Zephyris, his going crazy voice...
-Hirata Hiroaki (Sha Gojyo, Genma) - well, this is my version of sexy deep tone
-Ueda Yuji (Takeshi) - more like his freak nature when he does 'takeshi'...
-Matsumoto Rika (Satoshi) - another woman power, kowtow to her for doing 10 yrs of satoshi
That's all i can think of now... and i get the feeling i'm missing out on a lot of people... but never mind.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, September 14, 2007
one of my best friends have just gone insane... ZEPHYRIS!!! YOU ARE INSANE!!!!!
you know?! that is soooo OOC of you to say that! omg X 100,000 times. yeah, i know you're into that, you say you're into that, but i never thought, NEVER THOUGHT YOU'RE IN THAT DEEP!!!!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
omg.... to think you even used 'sexy voice'.... this is soooooo OOC of you!!!! have you gone COMPLETELY INSANE?! WHAHAHAHA!
gosh.... eh, who's that you said got a 'sexy voice' ar? let me go check
*CLICK CLICK* *WAIT* *CLICK CLICK*
ok.. HAR! (faints after realising who he is) ZEPH!!!!!! OMG YOU REALLY INSANE LE!!!!! (Dies from laughter) You actually said he's got a sexy deep tone.... YOU ACTUALLY SAID THAT ABOUT HIM!!!!!
eh you are so biased!!! (Brawling emoti) how can you say he's sadistic? and er... who else... oh yea! HOW CAN YOU SAY HE'S STOIC?!?!?!?! Bleach B Station? you remember that don't you?! and 'the going crazy voice'?!?!?! ok la... that one i have to agree with you... haha....
oh. i get it. the next time i call your phone, and if Shuuhei or Kenichi or even AYA answers, then i ask you 'you crazy ar... use their voice for answering machine to play a prank on me isit?'
then you reply me 'no la... that one my boyfriend.'
IS THAT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?! whaha X 100,000 million times.
dang le... you know?! i read that in the LIBRARY!!!! and you know i'm struggling to keep myself from laughing out loud, and saying 'you're totally insane' aloud?! i think my friends there think i'm nuts... but thanks for that. i was about to go crazy at that time and your entry saved me from the ultimate insanity... school just sux when you have long breaks and a squealing crowd outside the library hahaha.
Ok Zeph, you know all of the above, i'm just joking with you. haha. and thanks for staying with me all these days, listening to me crap and all that. haha. next time buy you a drink.
gosh... talk about school... today the peeps from 'Hey Gorgeous' came to our school, and there was a big buzz about it. well, nothing to do with me anyway.
just bugged about something. yep, i don't have instincts, and even if i have, i don't trust it. simply because most of the time it doesn't work, or i'm given the false impression. so i prefer to go by the analytical method, which sorts of make up for my lack of instincts since i was born a high C personality and ultra-sensitivity. coupled with picky-ness and keen observation skills. (peace sign)
thing about this is that, when you get constant failure on one aspect of life, you tend to be careful when the same situation comes on and take another route to avoid failure. i mean, that's human nature isn't it?
then again, perhaps it's due to how i was brought up. me mum teaches me stuff for school, dad trains me in skills you don't learn on books. i'm thankful for that, because if it wasn't for me dad, i won't be who i am today. but people usually don't give a damn about these important skills. and to add to matters, they chose to put me down on that, either by saying that i think too much or i'm making things complicated. but when the time comes when things don't go correctly because they refused to listen to me, they either take me as the scapegoat or say 'why didn't you say that earlier'.
'i did, you just didn't want to listen.'
quite frankly, i'm sick and tired of these, what i call crap, which is why i chose to 'forever hold my silence', and to put it very crudely and nastlily 'watch them die'. i mean that's what happen to those who tries to warn people, but gets slapped in the face.
remember that story about the king who went hunting and wanted to drink from a river but his trusty eagle just wouldn't let him? whenever the king picks up water with a bowl the eagle swoops down and knock it over. the king got so frustrated and killed the eagle but at the same time lost his desire for the drink. and when they travelled upriver and found a dead poisonous snake submerged in the water, with its poison draining into the river, they realised the eagle was trying to save the king. but what did he do? he killed him. ironic!
well, just like many things, i'm sure people usually look at only one side of the story. yes the moral of the story is to think before you act, because everything happens for a reason. and if you want it, throw in some of that friendship thing, where people is just trying to help and not harm. but do people learn that? i don't think so.
a coin has two sides. if you look at it from another perspective, what if this story is not told human to human but Eagle to Eagle? or animal to animal? what would the moral of the story be from their point of view?
i think i can answer that question. the moral of the story is to leave people be after you tried to help and they don't appreciate it. because you just may lose out, or in the worse case scenario, be sacrificed for nothing.
in the past, i can say that i have no discipline in anything. but now since i can force myself to study something, even if i have been staring at the same piece of notes for the millionth time and the result is i got full marks for that test, even though it's a simple and somewhat braindead and lame test, i shall discipline myself in other aspects of life, something which i have never been able to do so in the past. i just hope that when time comes, that little voice in my head would remind me of it and stop myself from taking the same route again.
oh yea... the old wound has just opened up again. hmm... Zeph! know any good medical ninjas around? i'm running out of Chakra to even heal myself...
one of my best friends have just gone insane... ZEPHYRIS!!! YOU ARE INSANE!!!!!
you know?! that is soooo OOC of you to say that! omg X 100,000 times. yeah, i know you're into that, you say you're into that, but i never thought, NEVER THOUGHT YOU'RE IN THAT DEEP!!!!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
omg.... to think you even used 'sexy voice'.... this is soooooo OOC of you!!!! have you gone COMPLETELY INSANE?! WHAHAHAHA!
gosh.... eh, who's that you said got a 'sexy voice' ar? let me go check
*CLICK CLICK* *WAIT* *CLICK CLICK*
ok.. HAR! (faints after realising who he is) ZEPH!!!!!! OMG YOU REALLY INSANE LE!!!!! (Dies from laughter) You actually said he's got a sexy deep tone.... YOU ACTUALLY SAID THAT ABOUT HIM!!!!!
eh you are so biased!!! (Brawling emoti) how can you say he's sadistic? and er... who else... oh yea! HOW CAN YOU SAY HE'S STOIC?!?!?!?! Bleach B Station? you remember that don't you?! and 'the going crazy voice'?!?!?! ok la... that one i have to agree with you... haha....
oh. i get it. the next time i call your phone, and if Shuuhei or Kenichi or even AYA answers, then i ask you 'you crazy ar... use their voice for answering machine to play a prank on me isit?'
then you reply me 'no la... that one my boyfriend.'
IS THAT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?! whaha X 100,000 million times.
dang le... you know?! i read that in the LIBRARY!!!! and you know i'm struggling to keep myself from laughing out loud, and saying 'you're totally insane' aloud?! i think my friends there think i'm nuts... but thanks for that. i was about to go crazy at that time and your entry saved me from the ultimate insanity... school just sux when you have long breaks and a squealing crowd outside the library hahaha.
Ok Zeph, you know all of the above, i'm just joking with you. haha. and thanks for staying with me all these days, listening to me crap and all that. haha. next time buy you a drink.
gosh... talk about school... today the peeps from 'Hey Gorgeous' came to our school, and there was a big buzz about it. well, nothing to do with me anyway.
just bugged about something. yep, i don't have instincts, and even if i have, i don't trust it. simply because most of the time it doesn't work, or i'm given the false impression. so i prefer to go by the analytical method, which sorts of make up for my lack of instincts since i was born a high C personality and ultra-sensitivity. coupled with picky-ness and keen observation skills. (peace sign)
thing about this is that, when you get constant failure on one aspect of life, you tend to be careful when the same situation comes on and take another route to avoid failure. i mean, that's human nature isn't it?
then again, perhaps it's due to how i was brought up. me mum teaches me stuff for school, dad trains me in skills you don't learn on books. i'm thankful for that, because if it wasn't for me dad, i won't be who i am today. but people usually don't give a damn about these important skills. and to add to matters, they chose to put me down on that, either by saying that i think too much or i'm making things complicated. but when the time comes when things don't go correctly because they refused to listen to me, they either take me as the scapegoat or say 'why didn't you say that earlier'.
'i did, you just didn't want to listen.'
quite frankly, i'm sick and tired of these, what i call crap, which is why i chose to 'forever hold my silence', and to put it very crudely and nastlily 'watch them die'. i mean that's what happen to those who tries to warn people, but gets slapped in the face.
remember that story about the king who went hunting and wanted to drink from a river but his trusty eagle just wouldn't let him? whenever the king picks up water with a bowl the eagle swoops down and knock it over. the king got so frustrated and killed the eagle but at the same time lost his desire for the drink. and when they travelled upriver and found a dead poisonous snake submerged in the water, with its poison draining into the river, they realised the eagle was trying to save the king. but what did he do? he killed him. ironic!
well, just like many things, i'm sure people usually look at only one side of the story. yes the moral of the story is to think before you act, because everything happens for a reason. and if you want it, throw in some of that friendship thing, where people is just trying to help and not harm. but do people learn that? i don't think so.
a coin has two sides. if you look at it from another perspective, what if this story is not told human to human but Eagle to Eagle? or animal to animal? what would the moral of the story be from their point of view?
i think i can answer that question. the moral of the story is to leave people be after you tried to help and they don't appreciate it. because you just may lose out, or in the worse case scenario, be sacrificed for nothing.
in the past, i can say that i have no discipline in anything. but now since i can force myself to study something, even if i have been staring at the same piece of notes for the millionth time and the result is i got full marks for that test, even though it's a simple and somewhat braindead and lame test, i shall discipline myself in other aspects of life, something which i have never been able to do so in the past. i just hope that when time comes, that little voice in my head would remind me of it and stop myself from taking the same route again.
oh yea... the old wound has just opened up again. hmm... Zeph! know any good medical ninjas around? i'm running out of Chakra to even heal myself...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Thursday, September 13, 2007
just now when i'm done showering, i realised the t-shirt i was going to change into reminds me of something.
the t-shirt is the Guinness 9 Ball Tour. the stupid commercial that features the 'creation' of pool. yeah, you'll probably be wondering why i have that shirt when i'm on another frequency...
the thing is that my mum, or dad, gets things from Guinness from someone, who gets them on a frequent basis... so when she came home with the shirt and gives it to me this is what happened.
Mummy: Na! (Throws the shirt at me)
Me: What's this? Har... Guinness? Why give me? shouldn't you be giving this to 3rd uncle or someone???
Mummy: You can wear it right? L-size ma.
Me: Eeee... imagine me wearing this outside.... gosh... my image 'spoil' liao.... ask me to wear that toad t-shirt i dun mind lor.... although that toad t-shirt looks uglier...
Mummy: Wear at home la. Don't want ar? Don't want give me lo! (Walks away. get this, she walked away)
Me: ok lor...
sure... so i'm stuck with the shirt. then when i wore it for the first time and washes it, guess what? the print of the pool table actually creases and peals..... talk about quality...
then that day when i was out watching Remy, i saw this guy wearing the t-shirt...
ok, first impression = 'hey this shirt looks familiar... oh... that t-shirt ar...'
next thought = 'i wear the t-shirt like it's some pyjamas... and this guy wears it like some t-shirt bought from OP or whatever shop'
it's surprising how people 'PERCEIVE' things... interesting... very interesting...
talk about interesting and perception... today's comns class, i was 'supposed' to wear the hat to school... and end up because my hair was wet i decided to just bring it. and i wore it after class... i'm supposed to wear it during class and i wore it after. whahahha! and my friends said i look 'hip' in it...
the last time i wore it, someone asked 'who's that ar?'
now the response is 'you look hip'.
so the next time i wear the hat, what's the response? 'you crazy ar'? maybe...
when i look into the mirror, i realise i look like Valkyrie... serious... although without the horrible shirt she's wearing and ... you call that jeans? never mind...
but i don't mind being like her. since we share the same ideology anyway. the 'don't perceive myself as a woman', 'don't want people to give way to me just because i'm a woman', 'woman=weak? screw you' kind of mindset. and how our hair ended up the same way when we wear that kind of hat.... or cap... or whatever...
hmm... sure, being her is fine. just without that shirt, that pair of dissected jeans, and Ukita... i mean, yeah, if you were to hear someone like Ukita having a crush on you or likes you or whatever you call that, you're going to freak out right? personally i prefer Takeda... no, i rather have Takeda instead of Ukita... someone happy-go-lucky, strong belief in brotherhood, gentleman, and not going around sprouting 'kono yarou' or whatever. and more importantly... someone who has a LIFE... (though not saying Ukita doesn't, but look at the way he reacts when he ask Nijima, i mean Alien about online dating.... seriously, that's the only time i agree with Alien about the things he say)
and Freya actually said she likes that. that, as in someone who would go to the ends of the earth for the one they like... ok, that's true, but that's because she's not in Valkyrie's shoes... boots i mean... when it's her... i'm sure she'll freak out, just like Valkyrie... although she's not going to admit it no matter what... fine by me...
Anyway i'm getting a new one... this one looks weird... whatever... although my mum is going to kill me when she finds out about the hat... probably...
this is the second time i slept on the bus... and mummy smsed me half way... finally she sms using the correct language.... the last time she asked me 'where are you' she typed 'w a u'....
doesn't make sense at all... seriously.... tsk tsk tsk...
with my weekends plus Monday free from school, i'm losing track of time... i actually thought today is Tuesday or Wednesday or something... because usually this time of the week i'll be ripping anime from the net. and now... despite watching only two, bleach and kenichi, i don't have the urge to go dl it... in fact during the weekends i can actually forget to read the new manga chapters online... something has really gotten into me... time to revert back....
Alright. enough blogging... time to find something to do... school work...
i can't believe i just said i'm going to find something from school to do... something has really gotten into me...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
just a short post before i pass out.
Hmm... Zephyris FINALLY made a blog. whahaha. and that picture there is soooo cute!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!! maru ni anime no kawaii ikemono!!!
then Qianz had a new skin on her blog, with a new post, with the new ipod! Crap... now i want that one also hahaha!!!!
today felt extremely sick.. no idea why but i actually slept on the bus on the way home... slept... something i had not done for 10 years. and went home, stared at the computer for a moment, before deciding no work is going to come out of it with me looking like a zombie i decided to go sleep. and drifted in and out of sleep for about 7 hours, until a really bizarre dream came on... i think i'm still half awake when i had that dream, if not i won't be able to remember the details.
it involved my old house compound. a weird-looking MacDonald's, people from SIM UB, the communications project we are doing, a few bugs the size of moles, a few weirdos i've never seen in my life before and of course myself.
it just boils down to one thing.
'i'm going crazy....'
to think that i actually dreamt of school stuff. something which occurs every time i put in effort doing something. so it just means that i didn't put in effort in doing everything in the past and it's going to keep coming at me in future if i were to work hard?
Brain, please understand that i want to succeed, at the same time, REMAIN SANE!
just a short post before i pass out.
Hmm... Zephyris FINALLY made a blog. whahaha. and that picture there is soooo cute!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!! maru ni anime no kawaii ikemono!!!
then Qianz had a new skin on her blog, with a new post, with the new ipod! Crap... now i want that one also hahaha!!!!
today felt extremely sick.. no idea why but i actually slept on the bus on the way home... slept... something i had not done for 10 years. and went home, stared at the computer for a moment, before deciding no work is going to come out of it with me looking like a zombie i decided to go sleep. and drifted in and out of sleep for about 7 hours, until a really bizarre dream came on... i think i'm still half awake when i had that dream, if not i won't be able to remember the details.
it involved my old house compound. a weird-looking MacDonald's, people from SIM UB, the communications project we are doing, a few bugs the size of moles, a few weirdos i've never seen in my life before and of course myself.
it just boils down to one thing.
'i'm going crazy....'
to think that i actually dreamt of school stuff. something which occurs every time i put in effort doing something. so it just means that i didn't put in effort in doing everything in the past and it's going to keep coming at me in future if i were to work hard?
Brain, please understand that i want to succeed, at the same time, REMAIN SANE!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
today is by far the WORST day i've had in uni life so far.. yes. WORST where i felt 'kimochi waruii', 'dase', 'saite' and feel like 'korosu'.
in case you're wondering what it meant, to summarise, everything up there is a negative word, not swear words, but just for negative feelings. and 'korosu' simply means to kill.
first i woke up to a silent alarm clock. contradicting? doesn't matter.
i had a breakfast that went down the wrong way.
then i played 'fireman' the night before.
when i was on my way to the mrt station the wind tries to blow me off. but thanks to my severe overweight body i'm not. just that i got sand in my eyes. bloody construction site. screw you people.
i went to school feeling rotten.
the worse part of these is that i actually felt nauseous in the middle of lessons, comns lesson to be exact. and seriously, it's not because of breakfast, it's not because of the sand that was in my eyes, not the wind, not the teacher, not the lesson.... blah blah blah.
and for the first time, i actually didn't pay attention during history class and did paper 'blogging'...
a blog is somewhere where i say things i want, right? yes. so i'm just going to vent it all out here.
the thing about being a volunteer fireman is that you receive no prior training. and to add to that, you handle the things similar to a real fireman. but the payoff is not as nice as the actual fireman would get.
so the picture is you're lousy, you handle jobs out of your league, and you don't get paid.
therefore, i find myself, in the midst of nauseousness, back at where i was standing, just like in the past where 'efforts don't pay off', not just that, 'efforts made backfired'. and i arrived, just like MILLIONS of times before, at the same conclusion.
'why can't i be the bad guy just for once'?
already i'm not the prettiest girl in the crowd (not that it mattered to me), not the smartest girl in class (that somehow irks me because the amount of effort i put in surpasses others sometimes) and i'm not the nicest girl on earth (pretty much the truth, but no one seems to believe me, strange) in fact i'm the foulest creature known to mankind, the worst temper the world has ever seen, unreasonable-ness knows no boundaries yada yada yada.
so all evidence points that i'm already a bad guy. so why don't just let me be 'myself' for once?! why is it that every time, something will come out to thwart everything. you know i can be sitting down, drinking coffee.. scratch that. i don't drink coffee. i can be sitting down feasting on a cake or pudding, and just get on with my life. i can be sleeping my way through and not wake up a sleepy head. i can do so many things, but why is it that i'll be slapping myself on the face and doing things that 'by my right' is not what i'm supposed to do because i'm the bad guy?!
well the truth is, if it were me back in the days when i was in secondary school, i would have made a big gigantic fuss about the little accident that happened there, happened twice there. big fuss, and seriously you don't want to see the results, not even the process of it. like i said, i'm unreasonable. sue me.
then the next thing is that whatever is said, is a TOTAL CONTRADICT of what is done. ok maybe not that, perhaps 'equality' is the better word. just because i'm a gamekeeper/magic store owner/healing potions merchant/hermit/yada yada yada, or just any !#$%*&^ side character, doesn't mean i should be treated like a janitor. just because i forced to do 'clean ups' doesn't mean i AM a janitor. and frankly i'm quite tired of dealing with such contradictions, because i have confidence in my abilities and i don't think i should be on the level of a 'janitor'. and like i said, if i were to be back in my secondary school days, there would have been a bloodshed, figuratively, and all hopes will be lost (not on my side), and that whatever plans there was will be thwarted. and i'll be singing 'la la la lollipop', while being hated like there's no tomorrow. see if i care.
i can be real nasty if i want to. Zephyris, Qianz, Yuning, Kim Ann, Esther, Jean, Dolly, Jac, Yi Chuang and Wai Harng can be my witnesses. by the way, all the best to you guys, where ever you are and whatever you're doing. (not that you'll be reading this anyway.. har har har)
today's September 11, one minute of silence for the innocent who were victims of ultimate idiosyncrasy. may you find the way, to your respective Gods or reincarnated for a new life and may your loved ones find salvation.
Also yesterday was the last day of the lunar 7th month. a passage of Sutra for those suffering in hell and wishes to be given a second chance. may the sutra aid you to be cleared of all sins and charges and find salvation in Buddha, or reincarnated for a new life. Amitabha
today is by far the WORST day i've had in uni life so far.. yes. WORST where i felt 'kimochi waruii', 'dase', 'saite' and feel like 'korosu'.
in case you're wondering what it meant, to summarise, everything up there is a negative word, not swear words, but just for negative feelings. and 'korosu' simply means to kill.
first i woke up to a silent alarm clock. contradicting? doesn't matter.
i had a breakfast that went down the wrong way.
then i played 'fireman' the night before.
when i was on my way to the mrt station the wind tries to blow me off. but thanks to my severe overweight body i'm not. just that i got sand in my eyes. bloody construction site. screw you people.
i went to school feeling rotten.
the worse part of these is that i actually felt nauseous in the middle of lessons, comns lesson to be exact. and seriously, it's not because of breakfast, it's not because of the sand that was in my eyes, not the wind, not the teacher, not the lesson.... blah blah blah.
and for the first time, i actually didn't pay attention during history class and did paper 'blogging'...
a blog is somewhere where i say things i want, right? yes. so i'm just going to vent it all out here.
the thing about being a volunteer fireman is that you receive no prior training. and to add to that, you handle the things similar to a real fireman. but the payoff is not as nice as the actual fireman would get.
so the picture is you're lousy, you handle jobs out of your league, and you don't get paid.
therefore, i find myself, in the midst of nauseousness, back at where i was standing, just like in the past where 'efforts don't pay off', not just that, 'efforts made backfired'. and i arrived, just like MILLIONS of times before, at the same conclusion.
'why can't i be the bad guy just for once'?
already i'm not the prettiest girl in the crowd (not that it mattered to me), not the smartest girl in class (that somehow irks me because the amount of effort i put in surpasses others sometimes) and i'm not the nicest girl on earth (pretty much the truth, but no one seems to believe me, strange) in fact i'm the foulest creature known to mankind, the worst temper the world has ever seen, unreasonable-ness knows no boundaries yada yada yada.
so all evidence points that i'm already a bad guy. so why don't just let me be 'myself' for once?! why is it that every time, something will come out to thwart everything. you know i can be sitting down, drinking coffee.. scratch that. i don't drink coffee. i can be sitting down feasting on a cake or pudding, and just get on with my life. i can be sleeping my way through and not wake up a sleepy head. i can do so many things, but why is it that i'll be slapping myself on the face and doing things that 'by my right' is not what i'm supposed to do because i'm the bad guy?!
well the truth is, if it were me back in the days when i was in secondary school, i would have made a big gigantic fuss about the little accident that happened there, happened twice there. big fuss, and seriously you don't want to see the results, not even the process of it. like i said, i'm unreasonable. sue me.
then the next thing is that whatever is said, is a TOTAL CONTRADICT of what is done. ok maybe not that, perhaps 'equality' is the better word. just because i'm a gamekeeper/magic store owner/healing potions merchant/hermit/yada yada yada, or just any !#$%*&^ side character, doesn't mean i should be treated like a janitor. just because i forced to do 'clean ups' doesn't mean i AM a janitor. and frankly i'm quite tired of dealing with such contradictions, because i have confidence in my abilities and i don't think i should be on the level of a 'janitor'. and like i said, if i were to be back in my secondary school days, there would have been a bloodshed, figuratively, and all hopes will be lost (not on my side), and that whatever plans there was will be thwarted. and i'll be singing 'la la la lollipop', while being hated like there's no tomorrow. see if i care.
i can be real nasty if i want to. Zephyris, Qianz, Yuning, Kim Ann, Esther, Jean, Dolly, Jac, Yi Chuang and Wai Harng can be my witnesses. by the way, all the best to you guys, where ever you are and whatever you're doing. (not that you'll be reading this anyway.. har har har)
today's September 11, one minute of silence for the innocent who were victims of ultimate idiosyncrasy. may you find the way, to your respective Gods or reincarnated for a new life and may your loved ones find salvation.
Also yesterday was the last day of the lunar 7th month. a passage of Sutra for those suffering in hell and wishes to be given a second chance. may the sutra aid you to be cleared of all sins and charges and find salvation in Buddha, or reincarnated for a new life. Amitabha
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, September 10, 2007
anyone who knows me would be thinking 'Suenz, are you ok? what's with the excessive blogging these days?'. yup, it's a wonder that two weeks of Uni life, this being the start of 3rd, and already my blog entries surpass the previous months.
my answer to that : 'i have a lot to say but no where to say it.'
simple? the end, bye bye, see you later.
And to Qianz! thanks for going with me to watch Remy the other day.
just went to watch 'Hairspray' with Zephyris today. that was the movie, not 'a' movie, but 'the' movie that when i say i want to go watch people give me the 'are you crazy/insane/nuts/out of your mind etc.' look and comment.
i mean, what is it that makes you guys dislike it? is it because of the dress sense? the main character? the storyline? what?
well i went in there and watched it, my opinion, and Zeph's too, was that the movie is GREAT. G-R-E-A-T.
ok, sure the dress sense is totally out of century, hairstyle is also out, it features a fat girl as a main chara blah blah blah. but so what?
turns out the show is really great! i mean there was no boring parts to the show. ok sure, the love song in there was a bit 'eww' and 'omg' for me and Zeph, but other than that it's really great. it's about going after your dream, no matter how far it seems, no matter what obstacles are in your way. it's about doing what's deemed right, no matter how much trouble you're going to get into. and, it's about equality among people, despite the colours of our skin.
'Find a way, because that's what winners do.' Quoted from Surf's Up, but i think the phrase is really true. and yeah, the girl finally got her dream, and guy, and i dunno, whatever came next after the finale.
the songs are great too, which explains why i'm here waiting for the spider to let go some of its web lines... give it up spidy! you're not going to win. i'm still going to get the lines.
a lot of dancing and singing, it's like a musical. ok heck... it was a musical, before the movie people decided to do screen version of it... yeah. at first i thought it would look better on stage or in cartoon or animation form, but well, i guess this version is great too.
ok, the main reason why i was 'eww'-ing and 'omg'-ing during the lovey dovey scenes was partially because of recent events. nope, not the people and incidents i've encountered in recent days, but mainly because of the stand i decided to take after what happened these days.
sure, Tracy in the movie found her love, forgot that guys' name.... ah, Link. sure, there's love, but to me there's no 'truth' in it. 'truth' as in 'true love'.
no, before you throw that 'look at your parents' arguement at me, let's just say that, they are also the contributing factor which i don't believe that true love exist. keep it at there, leave it at that, the end.
yup, i know what you're going to say, that i'll be eating my own words when time comes. but until then, i'll stand by what i said months and months back. it is time i bring back that stand, and clear up my mind, because seriously i can't be hanging in the middle of no where. i'm not going to 'let my past hinder my future'. and the future is now in the making, i'm not going to ruin this chance. it was hard to come by, and it is time i take control of my emotions and life, and walk the path that deems fit to me. just like the mages in Fairytail.
besides, whatever in the movie, there are truths and morals, but at the same time, it is also a 'fairytale'. in communications, we learn to filter the information we receive, and select those that is important and retain them.
look at reality. it is soooo different from what you see on any screen in the world. which is why i loved them (being contradicting again), because it is the only time where i can pause my life, devulge in someone else's life, have fun and be someone else.
don't try to take away my salvation. because it is something i hold very dear to my heart, something important to me. and if there's anything i've learn from all the anime and manga which the world thinks is crap, it is to protect those that is precious to you. therefore don't even think about trying... because you won't like what you'll be seeing.
sounds ominious? well, everyone has a dark side which is usually hidden away. but when thrown into desperate and difficult times, the dark side will surface, and it is up to the individual to make good use of it. one wrong step, he or she may fall onto the path of destruction. it will be those who can control their dark side and make use of the power derived from there for the right purpose to stand at the top, be a cut from the rest.
so my question is, when the time comes, which path will you choose? Sei? or Dou?
anyone who knows me would be thinking 'Suenz, are you ok? what's with the excessive blogging these days?'. yup, it's a wonder that two weeks of Uni life, this being the start of 3rd, and already my blog entries surpass the previous months.
my answer to that : 'i have a lot to say but no where to say it.'
simple? the end, bye bye, see you later.
And to Qianz! thanks for going with me to watch Remy the other day.
just went to watch 'Hairspray' with Zephyris today. that was the movie, not 'a' movie, but 'the' movie that when i say i want to go watch people give me the 'are you crazy/insane/nuts/out of your mind etc.' look and comment.
i mean, what is it that makes you guys dislike it? is it because of the dress sense? the main character? the storyline? what?
well i went in there and watched it, my opinion, and Zeph's too, was that the movie is GREAT. G-R-E-A-T.
ok, sure the dress sense is totally out of century, hairstyle is also out, it features a fat girl as a main chara blah blah blah. but so what?
turns out the show is really great! i mean there was no boring parts to the show. ok sure, the love song in there was a bit 'eww' and 'omg' for me and Zeph, but other than that it's really great. it's about going after your dream, no matter how far it seems, no matter what obstacles are in your way. it's about doing what's deemed right, no matter how much trouble you're going to get into. and, it's about equality among people, despite the colours of our skin.
'Find a way, because that's what winners do.' Quoted from Surf's Up, but i think the phrase is really true. and yeah, the girl finally got her dream, and guy, and i dunno, whatever came next after the finale.
the songs are great too, which explains why i'm here waiting for the spider to let go some of its web lines... give it up spidy! you're not going to win. i'm still going to get the lines.
a lot of dancing and singing, it's like a musical. ok heck... it was a musical, before the movie people decided to do screen version of it... yeah. at first i thought it would look better on stage or in cartoon or animation form, but well, i guess this version is great too.
ok, the main reason why i was 'eww'-ing and 'omg'-ing during the lovey dovey scenes was partially because of recent events. nope, not the people and incidents i've encountered in recent days, but mainly because of the stand i decided to take after what happened these days.
sure, Tracy in the movie found her love, forgot that guys' name.... ah, Link. sure, there's love, but to me there's no 'truth' in it. 'truth' as in 'true love'.
no, before you throw that 'look at your parents' arguement at me, let's just say that, they are also the contributing factor which i don't believe that true love exist. keep it at there, leave it at that, the end.
yup, i know what you're going to say, that i'll be eating my own words when time comes. but until then, i'll stand by what i said months and months back. it is time i bring back that stand, and clear up my mind, because seriously i can't be hanging in the middle of no where. i'm not going to 'let my past hinder my future'. and the future is now in the making, i'm not going to ruin this chance. it was hard to come by, and it is time i take control of my emotions and life, and walk the path that deems fit to me. just like the mages in Fairytail.
besides, whatever in the movie, there are truths and morals, but at the same time, it is also a 'fairytale'. in communications, we learn to filter the information we receive, and select those that is important and retain them.
look at reality. it is soooo different from what you see on any screen in the world. which is why i loved them (being contradicting again), because it is the only time where i can pause my life, devulge in someone else's life, have fun and be someone else.
don't try to take away my salvation. because it is something i hold very dear to my heart, something important to me. and if there's anything i've learn from all the anime and manga which the world thinks is crap, it is to protect those that is precious to you. therefore don't even think about trying... because you won't like what you'll be seeing.
sounds ominious? well, everyone has a dark side which is usually hidden away. but when thrown into desperate and difficult times, the dark side will surface, and it is up to the individual to make good use of it. one wrong step, he or she may fall onto the path of destruction. it will be those who can control their dark side and make use of the power derived from there for the right purpose to stand at the top, be a cut from the rest.
so my question is, when the time comes, which path will you choose? Sei? or Dou?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, September 8, 2007
omg i have to blog about this! ratatouille's soundtrack! even if it's the second time i've done so today.
the music is just so incredible. it brought me back to when i was a kid, listening and watching Tom and Jerry. you know that's the big thing about doing music for an animal, because you have to match the actions the animal, in this case, a mouse or rat, it's fairly challenging because of it's speed it's moving, especially when they are running away or chasing something.
that's where it's incredible. michael giacchino has really done it! oh my god... the soundtrack is soooooooooooooooooooooo incredible!!!!!! omg omg omg omg omg!!!!
usually i have to watch the movie and listen to the soundtrack at the same time to make sense of the music, but this time, base on the little upbeats and the sudden twist of melody to suit remy's actions and thoughts, i can pretty much remember what happened during the movie! my god! this is really really incredible.... i never thought i'll be able to do so, due to my sieve with large holes for details, but this is just incredible!!!
ok, i've typed the word 'incredible' for quite a number of times already.
Facinating! i'm really dying listening to the soundtrack! it's just so stimulating and engaging. why the hell did i not dl it during the morning?! then i would have listened to it thoughout the day and not now when i can't even listen to the music at normal volume!!!! this is crap!
apparently the teacher for CSE is giving me a hard time, because after a series of debating the marks that was shown on the screen of my crappy result page, he just emailed me that i've got a 21. i'm seriously not going to ruin this entry with why i insisted that the teacher fix the glitch that was appearing on my page. i'll just go to him on wed and settle things.
Ratatouille!!!! when the movie comes out, I'm GETTING A DVD!!!!!!!!
omg i have to blog about this! ratatouille's soundtrack! even if it's the second time i've done so today.
the music is just so incredible. it brought me back to when i was a kid, listening and watching Tom and Jerry. you know that's the big thing about doing music for an animal, because you have to match the actions the animal, in this case, a mouse or rat, it's fairly challenging because of it's speed it's moving, especially when they are running away or chasing something.
that's where it's incredible. michael giacchino has really done it! oh my god... the soundtrack is soooooooooooooooooooooo incredible!!!!!! omg omg omg omg omg!!!!
usually i have to watch the movie and listen to the soundtrack at the same time to make sense of the music, but this time, base on the little upbeats and the sudden twist of melody to suit remy's actions and thoughts, i can pretty much remember what happened during the movie! my god! this is really really incredible.... i never thought i'll be able to do so, due to my sieve with large holes for details, but this is just incredible!!!
ok, i've typed the word 'incredible' for quite a number of times already.
Facinating! i'm really dying listening to the soundtrack! it's just so stimulating and engaging. why the hell did i not dl it during the morning?! then i would have listened to it thoughout the day and not now when i can't even listen to the music at normal volume!!!! this is crap!
apparently the teacher for CSE is giving me a hard time, because after a series of debating the marks that was shown on the screen of my crappy result page, he just emailed me that i've got a 21. i'm seriously not going to ruin this entry with why i insisted that the teacher fix the glitch that was appearing on my page. i'll just go to him on wed and settle things.
Ratatouille!!!! when the movie comes out, I'm GETTING A DVD!!!!!!!!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
fancy that. i've got a new nickname. the devil's advocate.
well, when i saw that phrase thrown at me, i had this slight deja vu. apparently someone back in the yesterdays said that to me, well i can't remember who exactly, probably a guy, and.... hmm.... the result of it .... hmm.....
well, i suppose the DISC test i did back in JC1 proved to be highly true, that i should not be a C/S, but a high C instead. i mean it's my nature to be critical about things, you know, asks too many questions, always look on the dark side of life, think of the worst situation possible and always have a back-up plan ready.
whell.... there's nothing wrong with that isn't it? i mean that's just my way of ensuring things don't go the wrong way. sure it's tough and tiring, and the occasion misunderstanding that i'm furious or mad at something, but ultimately i feel it's worth the trouble if everything goes nicely.
hmm... Mozart oboe concerto in C major... fu fu fu ....
that day i was talking to chief and loriene over msn.... somehow the topic in concern was not of our project but of relationships. then at the back of my com was this song playing. Mozart oboe concerto in C major.
back in Nodame Cantabile, when they were rehearsing this piece, Nodame was laughing at Chiaki that it was not his style to play Mozart. since Mozart is 'Pink', as she says... well Chiaki was kinda irked by it, and during the rehearsal he was thinking 'it sounded more like dull silver/grey than pink'.
then something happened... nodame showed up, and the oboist, forgot his name, fell in love with her (why i'll never know... shudder), the concert mistress also, ahaha.... then one of the cellist's girlfriends called. well, Chiaki started conducting, then oboist came in.
then 'through a series of unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable circumstance that has nothing whatsoever to do with me' (adapted from Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest), Chiaki was conducting conducting, then suddenly he saw..... Pink Mozart! no more dull silver/grey, but Pink atmosphere from the song....
his reaction was funny... really hilarious that i comitted it to memory. the whole background was pink, with the three musicians 'drown' in their... um... respective issues, while Chiaki's was a dark blue with lines, usually reserved for being poisoned, shocked, in great pain, about to die, whatever. yup... the big contrast between his and the rest. a deep patch of blue poison amidst of the pink happiness.... (ok, the description is horrible, but that was what it was.) well when i first watched it, i thought it was crap. i mean, sure, music can paint colours, metaphorically speaking. but the extent of Chiaki's description and encounter to me is absolute absurd. and frankly, to date i've never experienced anything remotely close to that. seriously... i was into music even before i attended kindergarden, and up till now i've never seen the link between colours and music.
now back to reality... the conversation between me, Chief and Loriene... and the Oboe concerto playing in the background.... yup, you've probably guessed it.
i saw what Chiaki saw. serious. that pinky mozart came popping out when i realised what i was reading in the convos and what i was listening to... i finally saw what Chiaki saw. and yeah. the situation was exactly like that in Nodame Cantabile. everyone's background was pink, while mine's dark blue.
ok, before people start having the negative impression, i'll say that, my blue background is not because i'm poisoned, going to die or faint. it's purely shock, really. cross my heart. purely shock.
oh yea... reminds me.... i've been thinking about that issue, and i think maybe things aren't as complicated as i imagined it to be. maybe i overestimated the level of the monster, now that i look at it, i am capable of resolving the situation. i mean, sure it caused my HP to go down, but isn't that a psychological thing? i thought that was what happened, but maybe in reality it's not true. maybe my HP did not go down after all. it's just me making a fuss out of it. it's just me expecting too much of the situation.
ok... i'm a little confused now.... yeah.. i'm lost... where am i exactly? where's Raiin? i've got to go find her...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, September 7, 2007
ok, this is the first time, i hugged IceBerg, which is the name of my polar bear, for the whole of the night... and into the morning.
this has never happened before, because i was afraid of IceBerg's fur disappearing after my horrendous way of sleeping... apparently it did not happen, and it feels great to hug him during the night.... hmmm....
ok, i'm not desperate! NOT desperate! just that my sleeping habits usually will cause the items of my bed to be scattered on the floor when i wake up the next day.
dang... why am i blogging about my sleeping habits... nah, no one's reading it anyway.
whatever...
hmm.... school..... yeah, week 2 and 3 tests... well if the history test is fine, i guess i can safely give myself a pat in the back, since despite the horrendously low HP and MP and stock, not to mention the situation i'm in, i still manage to do relatively well for it shows that i have grown and leveled up. it goes to show that through adversity and awakening can one truly advance. i just hope that i can maintain this way as long as it's needed. may the force be with me once again, just kidding....
i'm a little un-motivated to blog about Remy, except that it's a nice and great show, this and that, all the flowery language start coming out blah blah blah.. whahaha... mousy... hmm... i do have a mouse plushie somewhere right? ok, mine's a rat.... oh wait! i do have a mouse and a rat! ok, i have the rat here, but where's the mouse.... good question.... where's that white mouse i had?????
"Ma!!! Where's the white mouse you buy for me that time?????!!!!"
"How would i know?"
that's the answer she'll give me... no need to ask... typical.
whatever...
hmm... i want to eat bake rice for some reason.... ok... seriously, i've got to stop imagining storylines. seriously. where the hell is Raiin when you need her...
i should go back to my old self... yes.. that's what i should do... first stop, comics connection
ok, this is the first time, i hugged IceBerg, which is the name of my polar bear, for the whole of the night... and into the morning.
this has never happened before, because i was afraid of IceBerg's fur disappearing after my horrendous way of sleeping... apparently it did not happen, and it feels great to hug him during the night.... hmmm....
ok, i'm not desperate! NOT desperate! just that my sleeping habits usually will cause the items of my bed to be scattered on the floor when i wake up the next day.
dang... why am i blogging about my sleeping habits... nah, no one's reading it anyway.
whatever...
hmm.... school..... yeah, week 2 and 3 tests... well if the history test is fine, i guess i can safely give myself a pat in the back, since despite the horrendously low HP and MP and stock, not to mention the situation i'm in, i still manage to do relatively well for it shows that i have grown and leveled up. it goes to show that through adversity and awakening can one truly advance. i just hope that i can maintain this way as long as it's needed. may the force be with me once again, just kidding....
i'm a little un-motivated to blog about Remy, except that it's a nice and great show, this and that, all the flowery language start coming out blah blah blah.. whahaha... mousy... hmm... i do have a mouse plushie somewhere right? ok, mine's a rat.... oh wait! i do have a mouse and a rat! ok, i have the rat here, but where's the mouse.... good question.... where's that white mouse i had?????
"Ma!!! Where's the white mouse you buy for me that time?????!!!!"
"How would i know?"
that's the answer she'll give me... no need to ask... typical.
whatever...
hmm... i want to eat bake rice for some reason.... ok... seriously, i've got to stop imagining storylines. seriously. where the hell is Raiin when you need her...
i should go back to my old self... yes.. that's what i should do... first stop, comics connection
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: