Friday, February 29, 2008


singing and surprises

my parents discovered about me singing.... well, it's my fault actually hahaha! i was just singing in english to Sweeney Todd's soundtrack to ignore her questions, whaha, and my dad came out of the bathroom saying 'oh, i didn't know you sing'.....

whaha!!!!!!

surprises...

on the way home today, Sining told me about an official petition that was circling against Rose + Mary. and apparently it was real as Sarih sent it to me moments ago hahaha! well... serve Rose + Mary right... for fussing about the stupid bottles of water and a $1 fine for a library book...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Thursday, February 28, 2008


whaha! mummy is the best really....

no doubt she is the one who made me slam doors and bang walls, tearing papers and scream, but she is also the one who made me laugh until i cough and need to take medicine to stop me from getting an attack and my stomach to clear for dinner.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


i seem to have screwed up big time, just now i've been thinking... all my presentations ever since i stepped into UB didn't go as well... and i know i am to blame, for some reason or another...

i wonder if i myself am the one who made things bad, by being gloomy in the first place...

if anyone knows the answer... pls kindly tell me...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

listening to Alvin and the chipmunks' 'Bad Day'

getting emo soon.

the day started out bad, cos i woke up late. and as i'm a really particular person, it comes as natural as my prediction is true.

the stupid horoscope that arrives on my phone said something weird, and i realise that it's quite true... or was it because i perceived it to be so?

anyway, i just want to apologise to 6 and a half girls for my bad part on the presentation today. i didn't really know it was already 23 mins when i started... and sorry to Sarih because you only presented only one slide...

i have got nothing to say for myself on that matter.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Sunday, February 24, 2008


GAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME IT'S REAL!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the next bleach comic cover is none other than Pantera!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(dies of happiness)

his hair is so nice!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!

gosh, i'm so going to get the book!!!!!!!!!! plus, there'll be the rest of the poll results at the back. omg omg omg omg i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i should get book 24 also. ohoho

this is the 32th book, and it features Sexta espada Grimmjow...

3 X 2 =6

on the 24th book, it's also grimmjow

2+ 4 = 6

coincidence?

whahaha!!!!!!

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

1.37 am in the morning.... trying to crap something out for coms 225 written assignment 1...

feel like throwing things

i suddenly want to eat a Zinger burger...

suddenly thought of Grimmjow...

remembered changing my nickname in msn to 'Mrs Jaegerjaques'

laughed my head off when i saw my dad's shirt this afternoon when i woke up

finally watched 'Meet the Robinsons' and 'Alvin and the chipmunks'

never expected 'Meet the Robinsons's soundtrack to be composed by Danny Elfman...

getting sick of Sweeney Todd's soundtrack already...

i think Sweeney Todd is the reason why i was so emo these days...

i feel like sleeping...

i want to hug Grimmjow...

Nnoitra can you freaking hell just die so we can get on with our lives?

same comment to Itachi and Sasuke... please die, so we can get back on track

stupid assignments, can you guys just disappear?

long time never see Byakuya and Renji...

even long time never write fanfics...

was also laughing my head off when i was reading one of my unfinished chapters for Grimmjow...

ok, better stop... and get back to the freaking assignment... and back to psy notes... gosh, i forgot about rose+mary's chapters.... shucks... i'm so screwed...

oh yeah...

can i have a _________ ?

i think the answer is no...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Thursday, February 21, 2008


this is the 4th post of today. seriously something is wrong with me. but if you are seeing 3, that's because i decided to combine two. but technically it's 4 posts, a record.

i'm starting to understand what Takeda said that time, when his Maboroshi Hidari Ude is thought to be gone from him.

and now, i really appreciates what he says and understand it fully, after experiencing it myself. although, i don't have his Maboroshi Hidari Ude, and that my arm is still intact. but the psychological effect is, nevertheless the same as his.

Takeda, if you weren't on Kenichi's side, i swear i'll fall in love with you now, since you and Grimmjow happen to have blue hair. hehehehe

i think there's some truth about what communications studies say about people of the same personalities...

maybe that's why i love Grimmjow.... we both get irritated and angry very easily. and we almost never smile. and we are big bad mean people. we are unreasonable, rough and hate to bow down to anyone, despite living in the shadows of others most of the time. we like breaking rules, harbouring grudges, and the impulse to destroy things the instant we get irritated and angry. we hate those above us, and those who boss us around and cleaning up people's mess.

and last three things

1. what we want to convey to others, negative or positive, never went through to people

2. things never go our way, but others get what they want with the slightest little effort, while we suffer the consequences of losing an arm and being thrown aside, with a big mess to clean up which those who get what they want don't give a damn about.

3. we are always alone to fend for ourselves

Perhaps that's why the initial attraction was there, because the similarities is picked up unconsciously. and perhaps why i find solace and salvation in him. an anime character.

call me crazy and stupid, because i may very well be.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

great. i've just saw my phone bills for this month...

i don't even want to imagine what my dad has to say when he gets back...

i'm so screwed...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

my eye is back! no more pinky eye and pretending to be Zaraki Lavi or looking like Nnoitra!

Yay!

they say eating ice cream is a good way of relieving unhappiness...

yesterday i tried stuffing my mug with vanilla ice cream that was taking up space in my freezer, and sadly, it didn't help.

and i can't get out to go swensons or whatever place to eat ice cream...

so that saying, i mean, hypothesis, is rejected by me.

go ahead, sue me.

Suwabe!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUR VOICE!!!!!

AND GRIMMJOW DARLING!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

oh and thanks for the counting of sheeps last night. hehehe. it worked at the 150th sheep. Thankies!!!! (hugs) count sheeps for me again tonight???

YAY!!!! MY VOICE IS BACK!!!!!! HAIRSPRAY!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! i finally can sing!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!! Grimmjow!!!! Let's do a duet!!!!! ohohohoho!!!!!!

Whahaha!!!!

and i can't believe that i can reach that highest note in Green Finch and Linnet Bird... although i cannot sing as well, but i'm overwhelmed that i can reach that note... (scary)

is it just me? or is the world against me that everything is going the wrong way?

last night my connection died on me, while i was trying to watch alvin and the chipmunks and talking to Zeph....

and i slept without earrings for the first time, only to spend half an hour just now after shower trying to drive the two studs into my ear lobes....

fine, i'm being a bitch here, complaining about every single detail of life that didn't go my way. well, cut me some slack, and let me be a bitch for a while.

i'm so sick of accumulating everything, keeping them bottled up all the time.

and you know what? you try stuffing a bottle with whatever you use to fill bottles and one fine day it's going to burst.

but who am i kidding anyway? there is absolutely no place where i can empty a 1 tonne container of frustration and irritation and whatever there is, all at one go, without burning something, or killing someone.

great, so now i've become a murderer huh?

all the better.

i'll be joining Ice berg and Glacier once i've finish construction.

icy cold, here i come

icy prison - 17% completed

icy fortress - 8% completed

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


yesterday is horrible. i must say it sux big time because i walked around the place like Zaraki, Lavi and with most disgust, Nnoitra.

why? because my left eye was swollen, with absolutely no reason at all.

what. the. hell...

so yes, i took out my specs, covered my left eye with my left hand, and walked around the place like a freak.

YOU HAPPY NOW???? THAT I'M IN SUCH A MISERABLE STATE????? SCREW YOU!

well, during psy 207 i did something funny, during the break, me and the others sneaked out of the LT and went home, when the lecture wasn't even 1/3 over. whahahahahahaha!!!!

then Huiwen wanted to take cab home, and Einstein said ok. then i discovered, Huiwen lives in hougang, me in buangkok, and Einstein in sengkang. so in the end we decided to split the cab fare to get home fast.

which end up, Einstein lived just OPPOSITE my estate.... GAWD!!!! all along i thought i was the only freak who had to travel with agony to get to school everyday... whahaha!!!!!!

well, i guess that was quite fun, dashing out of the lt when the teacher was just at the row right in front of us. whahaha!!!!!!

today, well, guess the main problem is that stupid Rose + Mary... I ABSOLUTELY HATEEEEEEEEEEEE HEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr dxr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whatever... i guess i better buck up on my studies... since well.... sigh.... quizes sux big time.

i should have slept just now... what the hell... tml's going to be crap... since even though i get to stay home, there's like a yama of work waiting for me...

where the hell is ice berg and glacier....

life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time! life sux big time!

watching Kenichi just never fails to make me gloat

and singing to songs blasting out from my speakers can never compare to anything else

and just listening to Suwabe's voice never fails to turn me into butter

no more green emo nails. it's silvery blue now!

teme, jama suru na! zetai ni yurusanai!

give me the strength to survive these comming few weeks, and the rest of this semester...

"Darling Grimmjow!!! Count sheeps for me tonight again ok??"

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Monday, February 18, 2008


just when i crossed the overhead bridge today to get to the stupid bustop i was handed something that, within the next second i flipped to a page where it has nothing whatsoever to do with its intended content.

frankly after stuffing it in my bag in the bus and decided that Burnout has more appeal that what i had, i couldn't help but flip through it when i got home, comfortably in front of my desk after a nice huge serving of porridge mum kindly bought me.

and i realise, how much truth it has in it and somehow, coincides with what i believe and hold true, but refuse to accept until this day. well, give me some benefit of doubt by saying that, i have already accepted that.

after a while, i stuffed it out of sight and decided to... go back to watching what i am good at. Anime, and for god's sake, why the hell is Itou in D-Grayman playing an AKUMA???? where did my bitter sweet renji and prince charming tsuchiura went????

then i remembered something i read in Interplay, bout Bridget Jones, and yes, watching it now.

and i've come to this conclusion.

I have got to stop torturing myself with hallucinations and meaningless hopes and dreams.

if THAT's not self-abuse, nothing is.

because this isn't a fairy tale, this is reality.

"Face it, Raiin! They can say otherwise, but you know the ultimate truth. So stop dreaming and wake up."

i'm easily influenced by people, and no matter how something is small, it is contagious to me.

Raiin needs to get on her feet, finish up those tasks even if she has to disappear from life for the time being.

screw the monsters.

in the dark is where she resides, and it is in the cold she will thrive.

screw the lightbulbs.

has no need for a heart, so let's keep it frozen and nice.

Icy Prison - 15 % completed

Icy Fortress - 7% completed

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Sunday, February 17, 2008


call me stupid, because i am.

i never thought i'll do that, plainly, it's like being screened using biometric eyes and x-ray all lumped together.

and i can't believe i'm that stupid to let this happen.

thanks to emo nails. damn.

but thanks to that, i've realise how important self preservation is.

so it's time to speed up construction.

AND ALLOW ME TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE SURFACE OF THIS EARTH FOR A WHILE

Icy Prison - 13% completed

Ic Fortress - 5% completed

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Saturday, February 16, 2008


I AM REVIVED!

playing with 'brother' has never been so great before. sure, i was getting emo out of no reason these few days, partially due to the 'no-life' life i'm leading with tonnes of projects and assignments and pesky idiotic teachers to deal with.

as usual, 'brother' provided the solution to everything, and reminded me of the most precious thing i have in life. Music.

you might call me crazy for calling every single thing or character in life 'brother', but as i'm the only child and have always wanted an older brother to look out for me, i tend to start calling things or people who provided salvation 'brother'

and in case you're wondering who 'brother' is in this case, it's my piano. the big black piano that sits in the other room.

then i realised when was the last time i sat down in front of the piano and played for real... i don't even want to think about it...

i guess i should do it more often. after all, without music, i'm nothing.

GO!!/Rolling Star/Arrival of Queen Sheba/The Medallion Calls/K448/Jurassic Park

they never fail to revive me

Ice Prison - 11% completed

Ice Fortress - 3 % completed

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

i am a libra, and i belive in equilibrium ever since i learn how to think.

when people are born into the world, there are people who die.

when some people feel happy, there are bound to be people who feel sad.

when some people gain, someone will lose something.

when someone climb up high, someone somewhere will fall.

when there is peace somewhere, elsewhere there are disasters.

and when some people fall in love, there are those who fall out of love.

just this afternoon when i stepped into school, i saw a girl crying at a bench while talking on the phone. and yesterday happened to be valentine's day. perhaps i was being judgmental, but i can't help but categorise her under those who fall out of love on vdae.

in the past when i read fairytales, the good guys lived happily ever after. but i think i ought to grow out of that fantasy.

being good doesn't mean you'll live happily ever after.

and being bad doesn't mean you'll die the most horrible death.

for once i want to be heartless. because having a heart that beats to every single thing in life is just too painful.

shall i carve out my heart like Davy Jones? and bind myself to the Flying Dutchman? and ferry souls to the next world?

the world is in equilibrium, and i guess i have finally understood that my place is on the other side of the world. better play that part well.

today i did something very mean in school. something i usually won't do.

but i guess the container deserved it. and i finally became heartless for once.

pats myself on the back.

Icy Prison - 10% completed

Icy Fortress - 3% completed

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Thursday, February 14, 2008


apparently i was still a little traumatized by what happened during the time which i was busy cursing TKA for dirtying my psp...

i wondered about a lot of things.

expected? or was i delusioning? during JC days i told myself whenever my thoughts wander, i would not be the first. because the circumstances just says so.

ignore the saying 'those who say they don't want is usually the first one to get it'

because i know i'm kidding myself when i say 'i won't. so theoratically it's the other way round. so yes, i'll be the last.

but then when i see that yes i'm not the first, and that saying happened to be somewhat right for some reason, i was bewildered. honestly, i didn't know what to make out of it. the math didnt' work, partially because i didn't know most of the linking facts.

then again, like remy said, 'the predictable thing about life is it's unpredictability'. and that there are too many things in life that just cannot be explained.

for example how stupid i was during my JC days. uptill now i still can't find an explanation to that. although i can stop trying since i'm trying to get over it. or perhaps it's now safe to say i'm already over it.

but sometimes, i don't know, environment and other factors do play an important part in whatever we do. and sometimes i wish that the word 'control' is easily done than said. i myself tried, and i say that 'it is up to oneself, because it's all a matter of will power'. but then again, i can't be saying this because it took me 1 year and a huge failure to learn that. was it too late? my answer is yes. and no. yes because i have already made a mistake. no because i would be better prepared for the future.

and sometimes i think it's a matter of what we want. my mum always tells me that as long as it doesn't hurt others, you can do whatever you want. in the past i was always protecting myself, afraid that i'll get hurt so i avoided many things, and set up security measures.

you know how things is that when you are there yourself, you can't see it? and when you are a bystander you can see the truth?

well, a little twist was there yesterday or the day before, just when i was momentarily stunned by something little. and as you may recall with my highly wandering imagination, i said something during my dream sequence something that i would never have said...

the me in the dream sequence said 'there are things that we can't learn off books, it is through experience that we know what it is like. and just because we are afraid of being hurt that we don't take the first step, we will never accomplish anything in life'...

i remember my dad saying that to me last time, and i rebutted with "yeah, ignoring that 5% that the opposite might happen and destroy everything, that's dumb!"

but when i saw it from another point of view, it's true... what if that 5% was 0%? what if it won't happen? and that we missed an opportunity? and even if there was that 5%, we can still think of ways to advert that 5% right? or solutions to solve that problem?

moments ago, i told Zeph 'life sux, end of story', and she replied, 'sux big time, that's why we fantasize'.

i think that's really true. it is so much easier to 'love' someone who isn't real than to 'fall in Unrequited love' with someone real. and imagination is such a wonderful tool that we are born with. it can really take you to great heights, or plunge you down real low.

whenever i get gloomy with anything in life, sometimes with 'that' issue, my mind automatically wanders. i know it's silly, to be daydreaming about things that are never going to be real, but it was an avenue for me to take a break from the horrible aspects of life. i'm sure people will laugh at me, but that's my only place to hide.

since i can't have it in real life, instead of brooding and being depressed and envying others and avoiding places, why not do something about it? and perhaps that's probably the reason why when i was merely choosing between two characters whom i disliked in the first place, and it sort of became an obsession when Grimmjow did something honorable...

and somehow i know i can control it better, because i know it's forever unobtainable, and i know i have grown up a little. and that it would probably be best this way since i know i'm just as immature as any 3 year old kid.

somehow, i felt very contradictory. i keep saying i want to be like Raiin, i want to be like Raiin. but when i am closer to being Raiin, i felt weird. just what is it that i want?

do i want to have a heart sealed in an icy prison in an icy fortress in some god forsaken icy piece of land? or do i want to remain as i am now never getting what i want because i'm too weak to fight for anything and i simply isn't someone at all?

of the two choices, i think i'll take the first one. because, if there's anything i learnt from watching all the anime and manga instead of studying, that is i don't want to end up or be a weak-willed person. i don't mind being a side character who sacrifices herself for the plot willingly and dies the most horrible death. but i definately don't want to be the one crying in times of need when i have the power to do something no matter how insignificant it seems and wait till it's out of control that i finally step up.

i know i have a perfectionist personality.

"if i can't have it, then i don't want it at all."

we all have pride, and i'm an arrogant person. so at least, let there be some self-preservation...

and if i have to fantasize for the rest of my life, then so be it.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Glacier is staring at me with an evil grin... all too evil... and there's no way i change that since his face is pretty much FIXED.

anyway. i forgot about Byaku-niichama's birthday... happy belated bdae my dear brother!

cny is over.

and im surprised, and AMUSED by some things in life.

to quote Remy, "the only thing predictable about life is it's unpredictability"

yep. how true.

some things never change, while some underwent tremendous transformation.

people say things i never in a million years would hear them say

i do things never in a million years would i expect myself to do

and i thought about things never in a million years would i will myself to think about

so here's my frequent question.

"were is Raiin?"

omg... when i was busying cursing TKA for making my psp dirty, something happened... dramatic incident...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Saturday, February 9, 2008


i swear there's something about that psp that i can never explain fully even till my deathdate.

it was the source of conflict, and is, between me and my mother, and now someone else.

but it was also the source of conversation between me and my cousins and friends...

and it was also the bridge between people of different yet common interest...

just yesterday night, when my dad's old maties and their families came, there was a psp frenzy which involves connecting to the TV and everyone watching dances.

and just few minutes ago, TKA was officially addicted to psp, that he has been playing MY psp since the afternoon till night. Esther Glen and Qianz were also somehow following suit, with Burnout's RoadRage.

i swear the psp has more power than just displaying 3D graphics and sound...

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Friday, February 8, 2008


blue nails and card tricks

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!

apparently yesterday was, WAS chinese new year 1st day. well, as usual i would be dreading this day, because of the entire day of being somewhere, wearing clothes never in a million years would i want my friends to see me in and the cold silence at first when seeing cousins one exact year ago.

but well, despite my complaints about that stupid PSP bringing me trouble, it happened to be my saviour for yesterday. nope, i didn't mean i kept playing it throughout the time, but rather it was the bridge between me and my cousins. that was the start of discussing games and firmware, upgrades and playing experience, and lending my psp to my little cousins so they can play VS, since me and the owner of that psp had the same games. (muses) thank you psp.

and welcome Shirley! not shirley james from esl 408 thanks.... this is my 'biao sao', and haha! have fun with swap!

surprisingly as i wasn't the last to arrive, i was able to 'fit in'. so when wee howe came, the star magician of our family, everyone was already laughing like mad with his card tricks. kay lee was trying hard to bust his tricks, but i guess he was too good. and my psp went out of battery after joel and yong hong finished with it... and they had another round of battle at my house, with the charger still plugged in it. whahaha.

i had blue nails when i was there, so everyone who saw were musing at it.

"Blue nails?"

and i answered "Why not :P?"

apprently my relatives have a low reception of information... and scared the hell out of me when they suddenly had an 'epiphany' and said they want to come to my place on the same day, when i moved house 1 year and 2 months ago.... and yeah, they did, so my house was stuffed with people all the way until 10 plus.

how time flies as we look back at each year we see them. and it actually made me jealous of everyone cause i was the only one in the entire family who was the only child.

in the past i remember seeing chee kiat bullying his sister and brother, wee howe making fun of his sister, and joel and kay lee having fun fighting with each other. but now as they grew up, i saw that bond that would never exist elsewhere but only between siblings. how they now took care of each other, thinking of their welfare before themselves. i guess responsibility kicked in since a long time ago, which i would never learn the same way. which is probably why i am selfish now. and hate to say this because it's a quote from someone, but yeah, 'it'll take something big before it hit me'.

well, since i woke up late, having weird dreams of something resembling real life counter strike and velociraptors in a mall, my parents went visiting without me. not that i'm complaining though... and was listening to Hitsuji no oyasumi with Yusa (ichimaru gin), Itou (abarai renji), Suwabe (grimmjow~~~~) and okawa (kariya jin).

and omg

I WANT TO DIE LE! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! SUWABEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~ GRIMMJOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SEXY AND SEDUCTIVE!!!!!!! OMG

if i were to follow what they say, listen to it at night to sleep, i swear i'll never be able to sleep with suwabe's voice!!!! omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!! oh gosh!!!!!!!

it sounded as if grimmjow is counting sheeps to make you sleep.

wait.

IT IS GRIMMJOW COUNTING SHEEPS FOR YOU TO SLEEP!

omg imagine that!!!! grimmjow..... (dies of happiness) so sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg !!!!

ok well, it sort of fits in well with Raiin's scenario though... (muses)

omg.. did i just typed 'sexy' and 'seductive'???

oh shucks. i'm sooooooooooooooooo screwed.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


i seem to have make the same mistake whenever i type blog posts... i always have the knack of making things come out the wrong way...

clarification. those people whom i thanked in my entry, i sincerly thank them for what they did for me. without them, i would have died on friday. literately. probably be so sick on thursday that i decided to skip the big day of handing in essay and 2 quizes on friday. so yes, a big thank you to them.

apparently the whole thing came out in the entry as though i'm blaming them for making my life miserable... NO! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO HELPED ME THOUGH TOUGH TIMES! like i said, without them i would have died.

seriously... i need to go work on my english... and to quote someone whom never in a million years would i ever want to, 'crystalise my thoughts' before writing them down... seems like kirti and all my english teachers would be so disappointed to see that i can't even type a decent blog entry... (kneels and bow)

anyway. today i did it again...

i'm late for a project meeting again.

frankly this has never happened to me before. usually i'm the one on time. but somehow... something is seriously wrong with me... and my alarm clock apparently.

damn it... my image of C type personality has totally gone down the drain. (dxr) (throwthings) something is seriously definately very wrong with me.

maybe the next time when i have a project meeting i should wake up at 6 am, just like any school day so i won't be late.

and sorry to my new project groupmates...

yes... first impressions don't have a second chance... yes...

i don't blame you guys if you hate me...

lost my voice

identity crisis

i hate the world.

end of story.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Saturday, February 2, 2008




this week has been a damn it week for me. why? 4 quizes, 2 in each day, coupled with a 'presentation' with one of the quiz day.


presentation wise, i must say it's really a rocky path to finish. and not to mention the disastrous ending that came with it, thanks to Rose + Mary = (Disaster + Trouble)^(infinity)


i should say i know what was going on when the lecture did that. Rose+Mary asked if it was her, or that our presentation was confusing, and the lecture chorused 'it's just you'. i know they are siding us, after all like Mr. Mistoffolees's friend said, we have a common enemy and that's Rose+Mary.


but i can't deny the fact that yes, out of the 5 of us, the lecture hall sided the 4 of them, after all, it is plain too obvious who were the ones who said 'it's just you' and who kept quiet. i'll be too thick-skinned to say otherwise.


which brings me to the point that i have only myself to blame when last sem i was busy dramatically telling my mum, dad, Zeph, Qianz and a few others whom i can't seem to remember because its so long ago, about a fault which i thought lies with this someone and not me. the phrase 'what goes around comes around' is so true. even negative karma which is the TRUTH can come around and hit me square in the face.


What YanYi said the last time was true, and i never did forget about that because at that time, i knew how she felt. fitting into another clique is as easy as flying to the moon. not that it is not possible, just it's difficult. and i shall not dwell on what's obvious to everyone.


in the past, i've been the noisy one, the one who makes a fool out of myself for the entertainment of my friends. now, i find myself being the one who shuts up most of the time and laughing at other's joke without actual participation. i'm starting to wonder am i a good 'adapter', somehow when i'm with my old friends i'm like someone who is on sugar-high (especially true when i see stuff toys), but in school i seem to have nothing to say related to issues being discussed at the moment.


i can't and won't blame the others, afterall, technically i am just a new member, or perhaps not even offically in yet. (no offense) but everytime i see people laughing and joking with each other like they known each other for milleniums i can't help but envy them.


urayamashi na...


but in the end, instead of sitting here and feel sorry for myself for things that may be because of my own imagination or my oversensitiveness.


thanks to Angeline, for that tag on my tagbox and that little line in your tuesday's post.


thanks to Asae, for that review at FF.net


thanks to Rockstar, for the hug after Rose+Mary's Disaster.


thanks to Sapphire, for tolerating my weirdness all this time and during Rose+Mary's case study.


thanks to Mr. Mistoffolees, for the guide for the troublesome essay.


lastly, thanks to the people i met this term from last term for just smiling and saying hello to me.


Finally, thanks to Qianz, for the impromptu dinner and ridiculous request to eat Secret Recipe, and for listening to me, and for letting me be myself.


next, the upcomming week, looking forward to meeting old pals and buddies and back to being the Raiin again.


so much for that. my question is, when will Raiin be always here to stay?


to me it's just hard, with over sensitiveness and an irritating need for perfection, at the same time, play safe. i'm not saying i didn't try, because i am, but not following the steps of someone's disastrous attempt.

i haven't bought comics for a huge long time already. it goes to show how time flies when one is in the state of obvilion. sometimes i wonder what's the point of zooming to reach the end and realising that we missed the duckies who tried to cross the road, the green pasture that was on our right, and the beautiful snowcapped mountain on our left? why is everyone so focused on the ending and missing out on the important present?

when you have an answer to that, please let me know....

while zooming around, sometimes i just want to stop and rest, or better have someone beside to spend some time with. but as usual, i know that's wishful thinking, and it's best to wake up early from a fairytale dream than to forever live in fantasy and eventually lost my way. afterall, it wouldn't be Raiin anymore.

now that i look at it, i seem to have made Raiin to be such a horrible person. a colder bitch from hell would be harder to find, but values her ties with anyone more than her own life. sometimes i wonder if it's remotely possible for someone like that to exist, let alone for me to become her. perhaps she can, but i know i won't be. along the way i'll probably crumble into pieces before i even manage to finish UB maybe... but i still prefer to go by Raiin's way, since that's the only way i can think of to get me by my daily life without falling out with anyone, at the same time not fall in love, most importantly, get things done.

but Raiin can be fun sometimes... the way she was with her ice-berg cold brother eating ice-cream, chasing butterflies, sabotaging a teacher's nap with her friends, and playing match-maker. someone who ultimatly gets looked up upon, but haha, i know that's far from possible with me.

been harvest moon-ing for quite a few weeks. the thing about such game is that it makes me think less about the real world, and more about jumping into the screen and never return.

life sux, end of story.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: