Thursday, January 24, 2008


alright, new look on the blog. and i believe Zeph, Ling2 and Qianz have declared me crazy. bleh. doesn't matter. at least i can now look at Gri~'s pictures many at one go. although there are STILL a FEW i haven't put up... but considering they are black and white, with one particularly out of sync with my current mindset, i shall find another avenue to plaster his gorgeous face somewhere here...

what's more! Gri~ made it into Top 10, oh wait! Top 5!!!!! omg, Kubo-sensei FINALLY drew him in plain clothes... omg i'm going to flip, or rather i flipped yesterday... pardon me, Zeph, i'm sure you'll understand why you took so long to log off msn... hehehe. well, at least Ul-chan~ made it Top 10... and i trained him for you thanks..... took me 1 mrt ride and 10 mins of Psy 207 lecture time....

and why the hell is hinamori and kira in there???? WHY ARE YOU HOGGING RENJI'S PLACE!!!! and despite Byakuya making 7th, Renji darling is no where to be found... damn you hinamori and kira... and also inoue... damn you three... well i shall find out where is Renji standing in a day's time...

anyway, been depressed for quite some time already... same issue as always. don't you just hate it when things don't go your way... sigh whatever...

i hate anything that has rose + mary... that is a spice, used for cooking! "REMY!!!! USE UP ALL THE ROSEMARY THANKS!"

confusion is never a good thing... know that...

anyway, "through a series of unfortunate and entirely unforseen circumstances which has nothing whatsoever to do with me" (quote Jack Sparrow), i watched Sweeney Todd, without ending yesterday... don't ask me how was it. let's just say that thank goodness i was watching the poor quality one online... i can't imagine if i were to watch it in the cinema... i will cry...

but the songs were nice... helena bonhem carter and johnny depp singing totally rocks... if only i had the subtitles, i'll be able to appreciate the songs more... because of the duets they showcase, it's sometimes hard to hear when two people are singing two different verses at the same time.

wonder why Danny Elfman wasn't the composer this time.... hmm... usually they go together... bonhem carter/depp/burton/elfman...

and wonder why was there 3 Harry Potter cast in it. well, all died anyway...

either way, i'm still going to be alive, passing each day with plots to harvest, and crap to deal with. once again,

waiting for lightning to strike me.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Friday, January 18, 2008


i can be such an idiot some times...

that's the thing about humans, stubborn people especially. after so many years of hard-learnt lessons, it is still easy to forget what it is, especially if the time gap is about 1 year.

i knew there wasn't something called 'new year wish'. new year resolutions yes, but not new year WISH. and yes, it's a down-right dumb stupid pathetic idea that i wished for a 'good year ahead'.

and all these recent years have taught me that a year doesn't start good. and i'm stupid and foolish and idiot to hope and BELIEVE that it would be for 2008.

firstly, things that overlapped from the last horrible pathetic year.

psp. well, i wonder what is in that little mechanic device of entertainment that has such huge power to make me go all the bloody way down (or up) to choa chu kang 4 bloody times to get it working. and why is it that it's the centre of all my troubles despite it theoretically should be the centre of all my happiness. this could come as a shock to my pals, that i quarreled with my mother, these days, mostly because of this little device we known as 'play station portable'.

incredible, i guess, that conflicts are centred around an innocent life-less object. but i don't understand why, i'm addicted to manga/anime, and a few, let me correct that, many 'hunks' that are stuck onto my wall, and she doesn't make a sound about it that every week i spend 25 mins watching bleach anime, and another 25 mins or so reading manga. but she makes a hell of a noise, when i take out my psp for 1 second, claiming that i 'might' be addicted to it.

you know that's the problem about people. what they don't see, they don't know. what they see, they know, they assume it's always happening. a day has 24 hours, minus the 6 or 12 hours i spend sleeping, and minus away majority of it that i don't see my parents. so when i see my parents, it's only like for 2/3 hours before they go to bed and i stay up for my own needs. and that 1 second in that 2/3 hours, they assume i play the psp for thousands of years non-stop.

i've always have this theory. ok, not theory, psy 101 teacher and text book says that it's not. so, i've always have this hypothesis. that one has absolutely no right to comment on things that they don't know, or have not done, or have not seen or have not experienced.

and that is exactly why i say i hate this world.

that aside. next. new term. i must say that on the first day of sch, and on the first lesson, my hopes, ok, scratch that, it is clear to me that this is not going to be a good year, let alone a good semester. pretty self-explanatory if you are in my shoes, or rather slippers. i shan't put it here, assuming that this is the internet we are talking about...

and all of this pales to the fact that i should learn, no not learn, that i should NEVER think about believing and hoping and trusting anymore. we are talking about the real world, and not a fairytale. yes, Cinderella can 'keep believing', snow white can keep 'wishing', but this is the end. fairytale settings are extinct in the real world. and as Genie said 'wake up and smell the aroma', that's the cruel world out there. never believe, never hope, and never trust, that something good is coming your way. you want something good, either you earn it, steal it (although you'll feel damn guilty after that), whatever. and if life puts you in somewhere you don't want, blame life, and not yourself. because there are too many factors in life that you can't control. so those who say they have absolute control over circumstances, kick them in the stomach for me thanks.

on a lighter note, Ling2 and Qianz have taken into the habit of declaring their love for Kaien, Gin and Aizen on msn so very often. well, i guess this is a growing trend eh?

in the past, when we were still hallucinating kids who know nothing about the dark side of human nature, we are psychoed to like the good guys, and hate the bad guys.

but now, i see all my friends, Zeph, Ling2 and Qianz taking bad guys to be their darlings. Zeph for Ulquiorra, Ling2 for Gin, and Qianz, the ultimate bad-guy-lover, Aizen...

fascinating subject eh? in the past we love all those good guys in stories, and hate those bad guys to the core. and now, the tables turned.

i've just started on psy 101 so i can't give an explanation to this trend. but perhaps, on my own opinion, for myself, i can understand why bad guys are bad, and why they did those things that are considered bad. why? i'm a bad guy myself. not such an odd or strange thing to others i think so yes, you have your answer.

so before Zeph, Ling2 and Qianz starts to rebut, i'll admit, yes, i love .~*Grimmjow*~. also. to the point i start to hallucinate, and he starts to pop up in my thoughts ever so often. so no need to retaliate.

and all of this makes me miss my old friends suddenly. i miss the days where i can actually participate in the conversations without having to worry about impressions and saying the wrong thing. as they might know, i'm a dramatic person, once i start, i can't stop... but circumstances and situations have brought me to play the role of a mute. and i think it's starting to become a huge problem in life for me.

so with the wave of sch, psp and friends, you perhaps understand why i'm being depressed these days, and have absolutely no more mood left to go shopping for the bloody new year clothes which, is a huge hassle now that i'm old enough to do my shopping my own, and a massive load of school stuff biting my neck off.

so let me go back to an old quote i love saying:

"waiting for lightning to strike me"

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


farewell 2007, and hello 2008

i hope the farewell includes all negative energy sort of thingy that happened in 2007....

ok, now for the new year, before we go to that, let's take a journey back and see what happened the prev year.

first, prominent incident is, well, i finally got my ears pierced. so yay for another accessory to put on myself.

next was i screwed up Alvls. yes, i got horrible grades, which leads to a chain reaction of rejected uni applications here and there.

following was the entry to Buffalo, which weeeell, quote jack again 'not so bad'. shall not elaborate because i think everything is on this blog in the previous entries.

there after would beeeeeeeeeeeee, psp! yeah, pretty huge trouble with that, but now i have my 3, uh.... lovable hunks... should i even be using that word... (throwthings) all right, my three favourite people in the world, or rather, the other world, with me! (ohohoho) and well, the entry to the gaming world. i know i'm slow, so cut me some slack.

theeeen... there was this obsession with Grimmjow. weeeeeeell, i guess people might think i'm crazy, to be 'obsessed' with an anime character, buuuuut, at least i'm moving on isn't it? from stepping over that red line? (pats myself on the back) besides, you have all those people who are obsessed with idols and artises, so why is mine any difference? but the main point is yeah, to move on.

uh, doesn't mean i'm not liking Byakuya anymore, just that he has migrated to a higher level of admiration and respect from me that's all. and welcome Renji. frankly, of the 3, the one who fits in my 'tastes and preferences' is Renji. why? both Grimmjow and Byakuya are already great people, they have their sense of honor and guts and whatever that makes a great man a hero, at least in my opinion. (i added that last line to accommodate my fellow BLEACH maties who happens to have different obsessions.) but somehow, Renji is a higher level than them, despite born into a class of lower status than the two of them. he talks more than Byaku and Grimu, obvious... he has more guts than the two of them, in my opinion. and he cares more about people than the two of them, well at least he showed it and not hide it to try to make an impact. and of course, he's more sociable than the two of them. he jokes around, have fun blah blah blah. that's different from the two. ok i better stop, before i contradict myself and starts hitting myself in the head... well, if only he could be a bit more gentle, literately. haha.

but that's kinda true isn't it? from the way i see, he isn't as good looking as Byaku and Grimu, but he possess the qualities which are hard to come by. so yes. that brings me to my next point, my 'tastes and preferences' has become more concrete.

side note, to Qianz and Ling2, please stop 'kaien-ing' and 'aizen-ing' on msn, thanks... we don't need another Soul Society war here... already it's chaos there...

back on track, yes, in this year i've become more emo... (shrugs) which puts me into a more critical situation because, being emo is most destructive if i'm aspiring to be Raiin. so yes, i should start to train up my brain a little, to think fast and be ahead of my own thoughts so as to control emotions. never said it was going to be easy, but then again, this is the exact phrase that led people to be critical of themselves... and yes, i know that ever since i stepped into UB, and have seen my fair share of self-destruction. and yes, i pledge allegiance to the forehead protector of Konoha and the Zanpakutou of Shinigamis.

why have i mentioned Konoha? yes, i'm sort of back to Naruto-ing. not that i left there, since i'm still waiting at my com to read the latest chapter of Naruto from Jump, and cursing and swearing at Pein and whoever that was for murdering my most respected Jiraiya-sama. (!@#$%) ok, allow me to explain why i said that it was part of the happenings in 2007.

Dearly beloved Sannin Jiraiya-sama said, that he was a huge failure. (Sannin, to those who don't know what it is, is 'The Legendary Three Ninjas'. the title says alot so no more explanation) why? because he tried to court Tsunade for countless times, all the way from childhood up to 52/53 years old and still failed. he failed to save his own mentor, our beloved Sandaime-sama. he failed to stop his friend from becoming one of the greatest villain in the ninja world. he failed to save his own disciple our another beloved Yondaime-sama, aka Naruto's papa. so he said he was a failure. then, as he was dying, he remembered Yondaime-sama, who asked him to give the name he used for his main character in his novels to his soon-to-be-born child. and yes, you've guessed it, Naruto. because the character was determined, strong-willed, and do beyond what's best for the issue. Yondaime-sama also said that the character resembled Jiraiya-sama alot.

so this leads to a conclusion, that the greatest ninja isn't determined by how many crazy jutsus he can use, but rather at the level of his never-give-up-ness. and when he finally understood that, despite his heart had stopped bleeding, (curse you Pein), he regained conscience and did what he had to. so here's my take on this, i give up on alot of things, be it small or huge, yes i'm a lazy person, but not as lazy as Shikamaru though, because i bothered to write my answers down during a test. but Jiraiya-sama has certainly struck some chords in me, and reminded me what happened back in the days of Olvls when i modeled after Naruto. despite him being a huge pervert, one who delight his days at peeping at the ladies hot springs and the fondness of anything errotic, he possess what made Byakuya Grimmjow and Renji my favourites. for bleach, i look beyond the pervert-ness of Kyoraku, i don't see anything great, despite him being a captain and holds one of two of the rare twin Zanpakutous. but for Jiraiya-sama, i see huge accomplishments and greatness. frankly, IMO, if Tsunade would accept him and not punch him whenever he made a move, he would have given up his novels and stop being a perv... i mean... well, you know what i mean... and please, think straight, i'm not a perv thanks...

so yes, thank you for the reminder... and i'll remember you forever, our respected and beloved Jiraiya-sama.... one minute of silence please... (and take that hat off your head)

lets see... what else... oh yea, i've written two fics, BL fics, on ff.net... which is rather rare... and OOC of me... since i'm pretty much against it at first, but then well, things change... and my favourite pair now is ByakuyaXRenji. go ahead, sue me.

what else is there... oh yea... Harry Potter and the Final Judgement, and the Order of Disappointment. why the hell didn't he die? ok, i shall not make such a big fuss about it. that's history.

oh yea. there's something. Zeph said, 'really cannot let you see stuff toys.', and Qianz agreed. ok, well, i like stuff toys. and i had bad influence okay.... not my fault entirely. and i'm surprised, or rather amused that the polar bear, my DARLING IceBerg has followed me though the past 3 years... amazing how time flies.... and now, i seem to have a thing for polar bears... i just saw a supeeeeeeeeeeeer cute polar bear in taka, and a small tiny supeeeeeeeeeer cute polar bear in kino. ok, before people starts getting the wrong impression, i like ALL cute stuffies. end of story. bye bye. see you later. (btw that was a quote from shrek)

soooooo, what's next.... there's the jap trip which i think it's a waste and not a waste at the same time... no need to explain, pretty much in the other recent entry.

uhm.... Mystery Case Files Madame Fate, yeah, another story in the other entry, freaky though... imagine that in 2 in the morning...

oh yes.... talk about regret.... i solemly swear that i shall not cut my hair SHORT to the extent that i can't tie it, anymore. that concave cut was a huge mistake. and i'm now sitting here, crying over my messy hair. and i'm going to do something about it tomorrow.

so, i guess that's all i can think of for the past year, pretty horrible, if you count the mishaps. so onward.

2008. i spent the first day of 2008 playing Naruto. yes, not bleach. it's Naruto. 100 floors of Mygenjyo, damn you. and Orochimaru took me 6 rounds.... (!@##$) and yes, all the 'masugu jibun no kotoba makene, ore no nido da!' (translation, i will not go back on my words, this is my ninja way) yes, reminders reminders reminders. frankly, he should change that to 'i will never give up' since that's pretty much the basis of it all. but well, if he wants that.

and also i spent it listening to National Treasure 1's soundtrack. I LOVE YOU TREVOR RABIN!!!!!! another one favourite composer on my list. and talk about National Treasure, i just love that movie and it's sequel. full of sacarsm and jokes. and I LOVE YOU RILEY POOLE!!!!!!!!! whahaha.

ok, let's not make any resolutions here since i'm not someone who likes to have goals when my life is pretty much mundane. the usual be good, play piano, learn songs, study, get good grades, drop ten pounds is always there no matter how i rephrase my resolutions anyway...

but perhaps some thoughts. i think one issue bothering me, unwillingly, thanks to my mum in particular and the irritating observant-ness of myself is regarding, sigh, (i cannot believe the words are comming out of me mouth 'quote jack sparrow'), relationships, and i mean that in the most common meaning.

i myself am not looking forward to a year where i may/might/would/should/possibly/perhaps and all those words of chance and possibility and probability, that i would, like many people say 'fall in love'. personally, i will myself to 'not believe in love'. don't ask me why, i'm sick of explaining it, so if you don't want me to barf on your shoes, don't ask.

believe me, like i said to Sapphire, it gets harder as we grow older. and i have personally, thanks to my mum's constant naggings, thought out a scenario, with Raiin, meaning the better, much much much better version of me, or rather who i aspire to be, and my conclusion is a big gigantic red cross. so if Raiin can't do it, no need to say, i can't either. and before you can say that real life is different from scenarios, i'll say this upfront. the place i went, does not have anyone remotely close to Jiraiya/Ichigo/Shuuhei/Neji/ Lee/Jack/Kaien/Hitsugaya/Naruto or any of the good guys in BLEACH and Naruto or anywhere in the manga/anime world, let alone my three darlings, Byakuya, Renji and Grimmjow. so yeah. point proven, case closed.

and i'm not expecting to meet anyone anyway, so yes, i think it's time to go back to the old old self. older than what i previously said and live on with it. and i'm starting to see what the meaning of a phrase i saw in the papers ages ago... someone said that 'valentine's day is like halloween for singles, couples on the streets looks like scary creatures, haunting you of your current status'. or something along those lines. and yes, despite everything, and despite my character/personality, i started to see what he meant... ok, i know i'm not in any position to say that, since i have myself to blame, so yeah, let's just end the tale here. that's halloween... frankly, i like halloween, but not when i'm the lone ranger in the midst of a herd of halloween costume-wearing people.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: