Sunday, May 31, 2009
forgive my arrogance but i simply think this is the truth.
sometimes it is just frustrating to be within reach of people who think they are great, just because of a certain level of proficiency and accomplishment, (note that i said accomplishment, not achievement). and by far i'm still ticked off and annoyed with the questions and answers and listening thing i babbled in the previous post.
more often than not, those said accomplishments are trade-offs of things that are theoretically more important than the accomplishments. and with that, i have no idea how these people think, and for some reason, being categorized under the same category as these people makes me feel degraded. why? because the higher-ups of that category are the people who set the standards, and the lower-downs of that category is inevitably smeared with that standard, whether they like it or not, and regardless of their reasons why they are even there in the first place. so for that, i hate you people for it.
fortunately, the world has some brain and thinking power, and equivalence is deployed. those without accomplishments, are fortunately blessed with knowledge, no matter how insignificant it can be, and they are those who are doused with curiosity and a tinge of adventurousness that sets them to find out answers for themselves, hence, achievement. and more often than not, such answers can be found within a single click, if not a few more, and some comprehension of content (note that i said comprehension, not analysis). and i'm surprised that there are people who can't do that. and here comes another round of questions and answers and questions again which ticks people like me off.
we may not be good, but at least we know what's right and what's wrong, what are morals, and what's out there that's good.
perhaps that's the reason why some things are plain obvious to us, while it is unfantomable to them.
forgive my arrogance but i simply think this is the truth.
sometimes it is just frustrating to be within reach of people who think they are great, just because of a certain level of proficiency and accomplishment, (note that i said accomplishment, not achievement). and by far i'm still ticked off and annoyed with the questions and answers and listening thing i babbled in the previous post.
more often than not, those said accomplishments are trade-offs of things that are theoretically more important than the accomplishments. and with that, i have no idea how these people think, and for some reason, being categorized under the same category as these people makes me feel degraded. why? because the higher-ups of that category are the people who set the standards, and the lower-downs of that category is inevitably smeared with that standard, whether they like it or not, and regardless of their reasons why they are even there in the first place. so for that, i hate you people for it.
fortunately, the world has some brain and thinking power, and equivalence is deployed. those without accomplishments, are fortunately blessed with knowledge, no matter how insignificant it can be, and they are those who are doused with curiosity and a tinge of adventurousness that sets them to find out answers for themselves, hence, achievement. and more often than not, such answers can be found within a single click, if not a few more, and some comprehension of content (note that i said comprehension, not analysis). and i'm surprised that there are people who can't do that. and here comes another round of questions and answers and questions again which ticks people like me off.
we may not be good, but at least we know what's right and what's wrong, what are morals, and what's out there that's good.
perhaps that's the reason why some things are plain obvious to us, while it is unfantomable to them.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, May 29, 2009
as much as i like fun surprises that leaves people feeling happy, i usually don't feel surprised because somehow i'm the reverse of Tamaki who is someone slow when it comes to issues about himself. yes, i tend to think too far and stuff like that, and hence when it comes to my stuff, i usually don't get surprised. i'll admit that i'm slow when it comes to other stuffs, like i said, reverse of Tamaki, but i'm trying hard, firstly by putting others before myself, others' feelings before myself's, much like some anime character whom i really don't want to mention, let alone resemble. but that's just me, and my way of compensating for slowness.
but i hate unexpected things, that's when i don't have control over issues, let alone know them, and i feel severely left out. i hate it. much much hate it.
and i hate people who don't listen. im not talking about hearing. i'm bloody hell talking about listening. which includes comprehension and understanding and retaining of information. which bloody hell some people don't and ask redundant, or rather infuriating questions that annoy the hell out of me. and i hate it when i ask for the answer to question B, someone gives me an answer to question A part 1. and i've already stated i know the whole thing, don't bloody hell explain the whole bloody issue to me again.
i'm not stupid. so don't treat me like one. and since you did, don't blame me for future insensitive remarks. if you don't want to listen to what i say when answering your questions, then don't bother talking to me. i don't entertain people who don't understand the meaning of 'precise and concise'.
as much as i like fun surprises that leaves people feeling happy, i usually don't feel surprised because somehow i'm the reverse of Tamaki who is someone slow when it comes to issues about himself. yes, i tend to think too far and stuff like that, and hence when it comes to my stuff, i usually don't get surprised. i'll admit that i'm slow when it comes to other stuffs, like i said, reverse of Tamaki, but i'm trying hard, firstly by putting others before myself, others' feelings before myself's, much like some anime character whom i really don't want to mention, let alone resemble. but that's just me, and my way of compensating for slowness.
but i hate unexpected things, that's when i don't have control over issues, let alone know them, and i feel severely left out. i hate it. much much hate it.
and i hate people who don't listen. im not talking about hearing. i'm bloody hell talking about listening. which includes comprehension and understanding and retaining of information. which bloody hell some people don't and ask redundant, or rather infuriating questions that annoy the hell out of me. and i hate it when i ask for the answer to question B, someone gives me an answer to question A part 1. and i've already stated i know the whole thing, don't bloody hell explain the whole bloody issue to me again.
i'm not stupid. so don't treat me like one. and since you did, don't blame me for future insensitive remarks. if you don't want to listen to what i say when answering your questions, then don't bother talking to me. i don't entertain people who don't understand the meaning of 'precise and concise'.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, May 24, 2009
i really think that the time spent with this bunch of people is the best remedy to almost everything under the sun that is bad. because for no matter how long the time was, i'll be laughing for most of the time, ok let me rephrase that. laughing for THE WHOLE time.
anyway. got a pair of slippers, and in the end they were a little too big for me... but at least i know i won't fall down with this one... went around looking for pal's handphone charm, and seaweed... which in the end sent me on a laughing mania again...
little pokey signals... OMG WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM LARHZ!
after an incident, i have the habit of saying the word 'retarded'... ya, i'm sure whoever reads this will know who was the cause of this habit...
ok i guess i better get back to writing assignments.
oh, can anyone tell me where i can go and sit down, with cool wind blowing, and nobody for about 3 miles left right front back?
i really think that the time spent with this bunch of people is the best remedy to almost everything under the sun that is bad. because for no matter how long the time was, i'll be laughing for most of the time, ok let me rephrase that. laughing for THE WHOLE time.
anyway. got a pair of slippers, and in the end they were a little too big for me... but at least i know i won't fall down with this one... went around looking for pal's handphone charm, and seaweed... which in the end sent me on a laughing mania again...
little pokey signals... OMG WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM LARHZ!
after an incident, i have the habit of saying the word 'retarded'... ya, i'm sure whoever reads this will know who was the cause of this habit...
ok i guess i better get back to writing assignments.
oh, can anyone tell me where i can go and sit down, with cool wind blowing, and nobody for about 3 miles left right front back?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Thursday, May 21, 2009
uhiaaaa, superb nostalgic watching ouran high school host club. haha. especially the piano sonata for 2. for some reason pal's obsession was able to play the song with two hands only. well, i guess in anime, anything is possible even in the most normal of shows. whahaha.
but somehow i couldn't find the normal version of the song online, because the only one i have is the crazy version that nodame played with chiaki... so it sounded superbly scary.
went to compass point straight after school today to save myself from the freakish fear of scratching my nano. so i guess i trusted that attitude guy from bishan best denki and went down to compass point, and sure enough there was an apple store there. and yep, there was a good one with silicon case, screen membrane, screen protector and the scroll membrane. whoo hoo! all for twenty! minus 10 cents.
i think i talked abit too loud in CC today... given that i was too excited to share my news of the cheapest staffs in FM, opps, sorry!!
ohh yaa i passed BTT!!!!! and for some reason cecilia heard 'BTT test' as 'bikini test'... -.- thanks durian... i concluded that touch screen stuff, the harder you press, the more it won't get clicked. so just.... ya...
speaking of hearing wrongly... zeph told me last night something that had me throwing tables laughing, more hard than the 'ya i know' and the 'headless motorcyclist' incident. which is my dar's name. 'ore wa Grimmjow da'. some idiot heard 'ore wa Cream Soda'
WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
well, things have changed. and i know i'm slow at some aspects of life, which i concluded that it is due to the distance i put between myself and that zone for most of my life that resulted in this lagginess. but at least my other instincts are still working fine, and yes.
zzzzz. this post actually took more than enough time to type... it's already 11.54.
uhiaaaa, superb nostalgic watching ouran high school host club. haha. especially the piano sonata for 2. for some reason pal's obsession was able to play the song with two hands only. well, i guess in anime, anything is possible even in the most normal of shows. whahaha.
but somehow i couldn't find the normal version of the song online, because the only one i have is the crazy version that nodame played with chiaki... so it sounded superbly scary.
went to compass point straight after school today to save myself from the freakish fear of scratching my nano. so i guess i trusted that attitude guy from bishan best denki and went down to compass point, and sure enough there was an apple store there. and yep, there was a good one with silicon case, screen membrane, screen protector and the scroll membrane. whoo hoo! all for twenty! minus 10 cents.
i think i talked abit too loud in CC today... given that i was too excited to share my news of the cheapest staffs in FM, opps, sorry!!
ohh yaa i passed BTT!!!!! and for some reason cecilia heard 'BTT test' as 'bikini test'... -.- thanks durian... i concluded that touch screen stuff, the harder you press, the more it won't get clicked. so just.... ya...
speaking of hearing wrongly... zeph told me last night something that had me throwing tables laughing, more hard than the 'ya i know' and the 'headless motorcyclist' incident. which is my dar's name. 'ore wa Grimmjow da'. some idiot heard 'ore wa Cream Soda'
WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
well, things have changed. and i know i'm slow at some aspects of life, which i concluded that it is due to the distance i put between myself and that zone for most of my life that resulted in this lagginess. but at least my other instincts are still working fine, and yes.
zzzzz. this post actually took more than enough time to type... it's already 11.54.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
school has started, and i'm entirely, for reasons unknown, FREAKED out.
it seems like the three weeks of holidays i was isolated somewhere in mars or jupiter. and coming back to school was either in surprise or shock or bewilderment.
i know that was what i intended at the begining, but i guess as usual i didn't expect the outcome, and now suffering from what i would like to modify as 'culture shock'. not exactly culture, but at least... i dunno..
i'm just freaked suddenly. like seriously... help.
but i guess 3 weeks of vacation, seemed like 3 months this time, given situation i saw now...
and i can't wait to get another vacation... for some reason or another.
i'm just freaked.
school has started, and i'm entirely, for reasons unknown, FREAKED out.
it seems like the three weeks of holidays i was isolated somewhere in mars or jupiter. and coming back to school was either in surprise or shock or bewilderment.
i know that was what i intended at the begining, but i guess as usual i didn't expect the outcome, and now suffering from what i would like to modify as 'culture shock'. not exactly culture, but at least... i dunno..
i'm just freaked suddenly. like seriously... help.
but i guess 3 weeks of vacation, seemed like 3 months this time, given situation i saw now...
and i can't wait to get another vacation... for some reason or another.
i'm just freaked.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, May 17, 2009
this is freaking maddening to be dreaming of weird themed dreams with REAL people in it this time! what the hell!!! omg this is really irritating.
and i concluded never to step into a bookstore, regardless of which, without my talisman/amulet to protect against unwanted noise.
and i think seiyuus are damn cool... although given me, tadpole as a clue would render useless as opposed to beansprout. whahaha!!! but then again if someone were to say 'moyashi', i'll probably guess something else whahaha!!!!
damn those 'red zone' dreams. but i do appreciate the vampire one now. it finally hit me this morning what it really signifies. whoo hoo!!! thanks for the vampire dream!
this is freaking maddening to be dreaming of weird themed dreams with REAL people in it this time! what the hell!!! omg this is really irritating.
and i concluded never to step into a bookstore, regardless of which, without my talisman/amulet to protect against unwanted noise.
and i think seiyuus are damn cool... although given me, tadpole as a clue would render useless as opposed to beansprout. whahaha!!! but then again if someone were to say 'moyashi', i'll probably guess something else whahaha!!!!
damn those 'red zone' dreams. but i do appreciate the vampire one now. it finally hit me this morning what it really signifies. whoo hoo!!! thanks for the vampire dream!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, May 16, 2009
the other day i dreamt i was killed by a vampire. the story now is very blurred because i have the tendency to forget dreams almost as soon as i wake up. but it involved betrayal of a couple, a little kid, family heritage, and a vampire who suck at remorse and acting. but yes, i was killed with a small little slit at my left pinky with a knife and a vampire bite on my right hand.
so literately, i woke up 'dead', much like in novels of people who wake up after being bitten by a vampire and asking where the hell they are and how they 'survived'. and my pinky hurts. so my first reaction was 'yes it's a dream, but i woke up dead'. nevermind, and within an hour's time i bathed, dressed, ate and hurried out of my house to the place where i go to for answers. kinokuniya/pageone. but i was thinking of kinokuniya because pageone lack something that is vital to my life.
but my sole motive wasn't the answers for the dream, was rather for my life-source so end up holding a D-Grayman's artbook, Art of Bleach and a book of gemstones for my powerstone-fanatic mum before wandering around like a lifeless doll and stumbling upon the shelf of dreams.
so, i grabbed a book, and started interpreting my dream. there's a vampire, and it says in there dreaming of a vampire is because someone untrustworthy is nearby or you don't trust someone. there's death in there, and it says that dreaming of death does not mean a literal death in someone in real life, more like a belief, value or a habit, and dreaming of yourself dying means you kicked a habit, stop believing in a value or belief. and death, for some reason signifies 'rebirth'...
ohkay... i thought at that point, so i'm not going to die and i'm going to be reborn-ed. so what did i stop believing? who's that untrustworthy person around? and am i really going to be reborn-ed?
i mean, i was, WAS reborn-ed, ever since the start of the holidays i reborn-ed into the person whom i once was, only a little more maniac-ish. and i stop believing in nothing, because i always believed in myself, and all those values that were reinforced into me. i certainly didn't stop believing in love, although i'm very skeptical about it, but it's been like that since my birth so it doesn't really matter. there ain't that much untrustworthy people around, although i myself have a clear idea of who to trust who not to. so, what the hell?
then i met pal. she say 'ya, you 放下 him le ar'. ohkay, that interpretation seems logical, but wasn't that a long time ago already? like long long ago even before the start of my holidays? well if that's the case this dream came VERY later arrrrrrrr~.
but then i guess it seems logical that this dream, if interpreted correctly, came late is completely understandable. because i'm a very slow person, which i have realised on TWO occasions. ok i'm slow. sue me.
ohkay, but then, to a person who don't believe in 100% of things, i shall keep this dream as a warning sign, as a sign of turning point, and a reminder, for future references. because i simply isn't spiritual enough to become a prophet or fortune-teller that i can predict what happens next time.
but still it's freaky, to wake up being dead...
the other day i dreamt i was killed by a vampire. the story now is very blurred because i have the tendency to forget dreams almost as soon as i wake up. but it involved betrayal of a couple, a little kid, family heritage, and a vampire who suck at remorse and acting. but yes, i was killed with a small little slit at my left pinky with a knife and a vampire bite on my right hand.
so literately, i woke up 'dead', much like in novels of people who wake up after being bitten by a vampire and asking where the hell they are and how they 'survived'. and my pinky hurts. so my first reaction was 'yes it's a dream, but i woke up dead'. nevermind, and within an hour's time i bathed, dressed, ate and hurried out of my house to the place where i go to for answers. kinokuniya/pageone. but i was thinking of kinokuniya because pageone lack something that is vital to my life.
but my sole motive wasn't the answers for the dream, was rather for my life-source so end up holding a D-Grayman's artbook, Art of Bleach and a book of gemstones for my powerstone-fanatic mum before wandering around like a lifeless doll and stumbling upon the shelf of dreams.
so, i grabbed a book, and started interpreting my dream. there's a vampire, and it says in there dreaming of a vampire is because someone untrustworthy is nearby or you don't trust someone. there's death in there, and it says that dreaming of death does not mean a literal death in someone in real life, more like a belief, value or a habit, and dreaming of yourself dying means you kicked a habit, stop believing in a value or belief. and death, for some reason signifies 'rebirth'...
ohkay... i thought at that point, so i'm not going to die and i'm going to be reborn-ed. so what did i stop believing? who's that untrustworthy person around? and am i really going to be reborn-ed?
i mean, i was, WAS reborn-ed, ever since the start of the holidays i reborn-ed into the person whom i once was, only a little more maniac-ish. and i stop believing in nothing, because i always believed in myself, and all those values that were reinforced into me. i certainly didn't stop believing in love, although i'm very skeptical about it, but it's been like that since my birth so it doesn't really matter. there ain't that much untrustworthy people around, although i myself have a clear idea of who to trust who not to. so, what the hell?
then i met pal. she say 'ya, you 放下 him le ar'. ohkay, that interpretation seems logical, but wasn't that a long time ago already? like long long ago even before the start of my holidays? well if that's the case this dream came VERY later arrrrrrrr~.
but then i guess it seems logical that this dream, if interpreted correctly, came late is completely understandable. because i'm a very slow person, which i have realised on TWO occasions. ok i'm slow. sue me.
ohkay, but then, to a person who don't believe in 100% of things, i shall keep this dream as a warning sign, as a sign of turning point, and a reminder, for future references. because i simply isn't spiritual enough to become a prophet or fortune-teller that i can predict what happens next time.
but still it's freaky, to wake up being dead...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Thursday, May 14, 2009
come to think of it, i encountered some pretty creepy stuff these days that on the surface it seems normal but if you spare it a little more thought it becomes incomprehensible and scary to the extent that it freaks me out for that fraction of a second. somehow these moments come and go as simple as sitting next to someone and finding out the smallest of similarities or just logging into facebook and seeing a change in someone's messages...
i think i finally found out the real reason why i loved stuff toys so much (after watching the most unlikely person cuddle a life-size elmo and subsequently a dog...). in the past i used to sleep alone, go home to an empty home, and play alone at home. that's when i started giving each stuff toy i had at that time a name and a role to play. and i'll be narrating their lines with different voices, something like a one-man-puppet-show, with stuffies talking to me and me talking back to them. i think that's why i didn't feel alone, despite countless number of people asking me if i was. to me they were an important presence, a presence that kept the meaning of 'lonely' away for most of my life. gradually that habit stopped, but their presence never did went away. sure, some stuffies come and go, and now i don't even remember where half of them went, but as i looked back, my bed throughout my 20 years of life comprised of not just pillows and blankets, but also a small number of stuffies, personified stuffies that is. of course, there will be a time when i know the real meaning of 'lonely', and yes it down right sucked big time and not even the most lovable of stuffies can help.
reminiscing with an old friend who perhaps bear almost similar encounters at least let me know i'm not the only one in this world, something that i found out that despite it's uniqueness, it is a void that is almost crushing, being 'the only one' that is.
it freaks me out to the extent that i just want to curl up somewhere and just brawl. and after watching all sorts of anime, one would think that someone special would find you curling up like a frightened fox child and comfort you. but sadly, that's only reserved in the virtual world. in real life i know you can curl up somwhere and weep until your whole body dries up like preserved pork and it'll still take a few months for the most remote person to find you. i think by that time it's already too late. (like duh... hahaha!!)
all the nights spent dreaming of weird and random stuff that remotely don't even cross a normal working mind is perhaps the worst of all. and i believe it's because waking up in tears in the coldest of air resembles that void that i hated so much that i never wanted to experience it again.
but the lucky thing is that such things come and go the moment i drift off into another phase of sleep, but that's what vicious cycles are for, they come and go and come back again in a never ending circle that serves to drive you nuts.
in addition to feeling deja vu during the day which actually happened in my dreams, external sources of fear gang up against you, it's a win-lose situation. you lose and fear wins.
come to think of it, i encountered some pretty creepy stuff these days that on the surface it seems normal but if you spare it a little more thought it becomes incomprehensible and scary to the extent that it freaks me out for that fraction of a second. somehow these moments come and go as simple as sitting next to someone and finding out the smallest of similarities or just logging into facebook and seeing a change in someone's messages...
i think i finally found out the real reason why i loved stuff toys so much (after watching the most unlikely person cuddle a life-size elmo and subsequently a dog...). in the past i used to sleep alone, go home to an empty home, and play alone at home. that's when i started giving each stuff toy i had at that time a name and a role to play. and i'll be narrating their lines with different voices, something like a one-man-puppet-show, with stuffies talking to me and me talking back to them. i think that's why i didn't feel alone, despite countless number of people asking me if i was. to me they were an important presence, a presence that kept the meaning of 'lonely' away for most of my life. gradually that habit stopped, but their presence never did went away. sure, some stuffies come and go, and now i don't even remember where half of them went, but as i looked back, my bed throughout my 20 years of life comprised of not just pillows and blankets, but also a small number of stuffies, personified stuffies that is. of course, there will be a time when i know the real meaning of 'lonely', and yes it down right sucked big time and not even the most lovable of stuffies can help.
reminiscing with an old friend who perhaps bear almost similar encounters at least let me know i'm not the only one in this world, something that i found out that despite it's uniqueness, it is a void that is almost crushing, being 'the only one' that is.
it freaks me out to the extent that i just want to curl up somewhere and just brawl. and after watching all sorts of anime, one would think that someone special would find you curling up like a frightened fox child and comfort you. but sadly, that's only reserved in the virtual world. in real life i know you can curl up somwhere and weep until your whole body dries up like preserved pork and it'll still take a few months for the most remote person to find you. i think by that time it's already too late. (like duh... hahaha!!)
all the nights spent dreaming of weird and random stuff that remotely don't even cross a normal working mind is perhaps the worst of all. and i believe it's because waking up in tears in the coldest of air resembles that void that i hated so much that i never wanted to experience it again.
but the lucky thing is that such things come and go the moment i drift off into another phase of sleep, but that's what vicious cycles are for, they come and go and come back again in a never ending circle that serves to drive you nuts.
in addition to feeling deja vu during the day which actually happened in my dreams, external sources of fear gang up against you, it's a win-lose situation. you lose and fear wins.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
although there's no one theory or principle that governs the world, i still believe that eqauavilent trade applies to many aspects if not the foundation of how this world works. afterall there's no free lunch in this world or you get things for free. in fact nobody will be on that path else there'll be chaos. which is why i hate people who think that they are getting things done on the expenses of others for their own bloody benefit. for you bloody information, time and efforts still counts as part of the bloody trade.
and i hate people who go back on their words. like i said, if you can't do it, don't bloody hell say you can and after that regret your words and try to make amendments and in the end still think you don't want to do it and go back on those words. it's either a bloody 'yes' or 'no'. and once the bloody thing is out there's no bloody turning back. to me these people's words don't mean any thing more than silence. and there's no point in striking a deal with these people.
although there's no one theory or principle that governs the world, i still believe that eqauavilent trade applies to many aspects if not the foundation of how this world works. afterall there's no free lunch in this world or you get things for free. in fact nobody will be on that path else there'll be chaos. which is why i hate people who think that they are getting things done on the expenses of others for their own bloody benefit. for you bloody information, time and efforts still counts as part of the bloody trade.
and i hate people who go back on their words. like i said, if you can't do it, don't bloody hell say you can and after that regret your words and try to make amendments and in the end still think you don't want to do it and go back on those words. it's either a bloody 'yes' or 'no'. and once the bloody thing is out there's no bloody turning back. to me these people's words don't mean any thing more than silence. and there's no point in striking a deal with these people.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, May 11, 2009
rakusho na... mou nage janai!!! Whoo hoo!!!
and i think i'm really giving up on monochrome factor... after what i saw... in dunno which ep.... *runs to bathroom to barf*
rakusho na... mou nage janai!!! Whoo hoo!!!
and i think i'm really giving up on monochrome factor... after what i saw... in dunno which ep.... *runs to bathroom to barf*
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, May 9, 2009
damned it.
i knew it. right from the start it wasn't a good start and now i finally see the end product.
and i thought i coped very well despite all those f*-ed up distractions.
and i thought i put in 110%.
and i thought i finally proved myself that i could be strong despite adversity.
yet this is what i got.
so are you happy now? now that i'm in such a state that i know i wasn't good enough? that this is only what i'm capable of?
damned it.
i knew it. right from the start it wasn't a good start and now i finally see the end product.
and i thought i coped very well despite all those f*-ed up distractions.
and i thought i put in 110%.
and i thought i finally proved myself that i could be strong despite adversity.
yet this is what i got.
so are you happy now? now that i'm in such a state that i know i wasn't good enough? that this is only what i'm capable of?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, May 8, 2009
i don't appreciate a 'yes' after a 'no'. it's either a 'yes' or a 'no', and not a 'dunno' then maybe 'yes' or 'no'.
and didn't i recall seeing the words 'i hate you'? so why the sudden Mr. Nice-Guy?
another one with duo-personality? or perhaps it's the mask thing again?
i don't appreciate a 'yes' after a 'no'. it's either a 'yes' or a 'no', and not a 'dunno' then maybe 'yes' or 'no'.
and didn't i recall seeing the words 'i hate you'? so why the sudden Mr. Nice-Guy?
another one with duo-personality? or perhaps it's the mask thing again?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
yoshi!! my new darlings:
yoshi!! my new darlings:
My darlings!!!! Frau, Bonten, Grimmjow/Pantera, Savaris
Ohohohohoho!!!!!!! and guess what? all of them voiced by my FAVOURITE:
(drumroll)
SUWABE JUNICHI!!!!!!!!!! (trumpet fanfair)
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, May 4, 2009
equivalent trade: people cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. you must present something of equal value to gain something. that is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy.
until the end, the principle was rejected, because there are somethings that were gained without sacrifice, and somethings were sacrificed without any gain.
but up till now, it's clear, that some things that are gained, may not be material, nor resemble anything that was presented as an equal value. and somethings, no matter how you sacrifice it, it will never be gone, and what comes is only a stronger and valuable equal to the one you traded. such as bonds...
bonds between brothers, lovers, parents, comrades. no matter how you severe them, they come back stronger than ever, that is if they manage to withstand the severe. by itself, it defied the law of conservation, as known as equivalent trade. so is revenge...
staying up late into the morning, once again, i cried. and never before once, have i regretted being emotional, because it puts me right into people's shoes and walk a mile in them, whether they were alive or dead, real or imaginary.
something that i once gave up on, that i discarded, and in the midst of finding myself once again, i decided to go back to the basics. and i picked it up from the begining.
i guess there are some bonds in this world that can never be formed given your background and history. and some bonds seem too farfetched to even think about it.
but i believe that's the reason why i chose this path. to live my life, fufill my desires and dreams through desires and dreams.
a coin has two sides, a world would have its parallel. nothing is entirely bad, neither is anything entirely good. taking what's considered to be good and turning it into something of your own, and discarding anything that's bad and turning it into something that's not yours.
there's no one ultimate theory that the world follows. that's probably the real truth behind all truths. that nothing is absolute, nothing is perfect, which is why this world is beautiful... a man with an eye-patch once said this to a woman while holding her hair. a man well over his time once said this to his lost son.
i guess that's why all veterans ultimately turn to embracing the world as their final research and education, because that's what they probably found out in the end. and perhaps that's why people say they searched far and wide, travelled the world, tried on different roles, and in the end they still come back to themselves.
i have a naive thinking, of turning what's not real into real, thinking that they exist, through the various little messages they hold, the lessons they taught through the imaginary and unreal.
but i'm satisfied with what i have now, at least they gave me a sign of hope, and that i do have a place to return to, that i can be a better person in future. i tried venturing out, and i was hurt and lost. but in the end, i came back to where i was, doing what i'm good at doing, and found that i needed it more than before.
i guess that's a bond. a bond that no matter how many times you severe, it comes back stronger. it is a bond with the unreal, with the non-existent, with the imaginary. i guess i should have realise it long ago. but each fall has its lesson, and i've learnt this one.
i don't have a brother, but someone is loving his brother, on my behalf.
i don't have a lover, but someone is loving her lover, on my behalf.
i don't have powers to change the world, but someone is using his power to change his world on my behalf.
i don't have many things, but there are people out there, possessing it on my behalf.
and i have many things, i'm possessing it on their behalf.
i have loving parents, and i'm taking care of my parents on their behalf.
i have a home, and i'm living in it on their behalf.
equavilent trade?
i guess it doesn't really matter. because no matter what, we all exist in which ever world we live in, and that's all that mattered...
equivalent trade: people cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. you must present something of equal value to gain something. that is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy.
until the end, the principle was rejected, because there are somethings that were gained without sacrifice, and somethings were sacrificed without any gain.
but up till now, it's clear, that some things that are gained, may not be material, nor resemble anything that was presented as an equal value. and somethings, no matter how you sacrifice it, it will never be gone, and what comes is only a stronger and valuable equal to the one you traded. such as bonds...
bonds between brothers, lovers, parents, comrades. no matter how you severe them, they come back stronger than ever, that is if they manage to withstand the severe. by itself, it defied the law of conservation, as known as equivalent trade. so is revenge...
staying up late into the morning, once again, i cried. and never before once, have i regretted being emotional, because it puts me right into people's shoes and walk a mile in them, whether they were alive or dead, real or imaginary.
something that i once gave up on, that i discarded, and in the midst of finding myself once again, i decided to go back to the basics. and i picked it up from the begining.
i guess there are some bonds in this world that can never be formed given your background and history. and some bonds seem too farfetched to even think about it.
but i believe that's the reason why i chose this path. to live my life, fufill my desires and dreams through desires and dreams.
a coin has two sides, a world would have its parallel. nothing is entirely bad, neither is anything entirely good. taking what's considered to be good and turning it into something of your own, and discarding anything that's bad and turning it into something that's not yours.
there's no one ultimate theory that the world follows. that's probably the real truth behind all truths. that nothing is absolute, nothing is perfect, which is why this world is beautiful... a man with an eye-patch once said this to a woman while holding her hair. a man well over his time once said this to his lost son.
i guess that's why all veterans ultimately turn to embracing the world as their final research and education, because that's what they probably found out in the end. and perhaps that's why people say they searched far and wide, travelled the world, tried on different roles, and in the end they still come back to themselves.
i have a naive thinking, of turning what's not real into real, thinking that they exist, through the various little messages they hold, the lessons they taught through the imaginary and unreal.
but i'm satisfied with what i have now, at least they gave me a sign of hope, and that i do have a place to return to, that i can be a better person in future. i tried venturing out, and i was hurt and lost. but in the end, i came back to where i was, doing what i'm good at doing, and found that i needed it more than before.
i guess that's a bond. a bond that no matter how many times you severe, it comes back stronger. it is a bond with the unreal, with the non-existent, with the imaginary. i guess i should have realise it long ago. but each fall has its lesson, and i've learnt this one.
i don't have a brother, but someone is loving his brother, on my behalf.
i don't have a lover, but someone is loving her lover, on my behalf.
i don't have powers to change the world, but someone is using his power to change his world on my behalf.
i don't have many things, but there are people out there, possessing it on my behalf.
and i have many things, i'm possessing it on their behalf.
i have loving parents, and i'm taking care of my parents on their behalf.
i have a home, and i'm living in it on their behalf.
equavilent trade?
i guess it doesn't really matter. because no matter what, we all exist in which ever world we live in, and that's all that mattered...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, May 3, 2009
accomplishment count up till now for the HOLIDAYS!
level 80 - Done
Fullmetal Alchemist - Done
D-grayman - Done
Busgamer - Done
Bleach (to recent) - Done
Monochrome Factor - give up... -.-
Bleach Soul Sonic 2005 - Done
Bleach Soul Sonic 2006 - Done
Repairing window seals - Done
Revamping wall decoration - Done
To-Do-List
- clear rubbish
- reorganize wardrobe
- Hatekyoshi Hitman Reborn
- Soul Eater
- Amatsuki
- Gintama
- Ghost Trip
- 07-Ghost
ok it's an endless list...
accomplishment count up till now for the HOLIDAYS!
level 80 - Done
Fullmetal Alchemist - Done
D-grayman - Done
Busgamer - Done
Bleach (to recent) - Done
Monochrome Factor - give up... -.-
Bleach Soul Sonic 2005 - Done
Bleach Soul Sonic 2006 - Done
Repairing window seals - Done
Revamping wall decoration - Done
To-Do-List
- clear rubbish
- reorganize wardrobe
- Hatekyoshi Hitman Reborn
- Soul Eater
- Amatsuki
- Gintama
- Ghost Trip
- 07-Ghost
ok it's an endless list...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: