Monday, March 30, 2009
i think i'm really lost out of a sudden. as if i came down from a very very extremely long roller coaster ride and find myself in a different time and place...
sanity is hard to keep these days, especially when change is in motion.
"will somebody please give me directions?" Quote Marlin,
Finding Nemo .~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Sunday, March 29, 2009
days of searching for myself, days of asking who i am, days of pretending who i wasn't, days of passing...
i always believed that, no matter how insignificant, or how boring, or perhaps how cheezy a movie can be, there is bound to be some heart warming moments, a message, no matter how small or common, calling out to us.
each movie i plowed through, whether new or old, i find myself smiling with them, laughing with them, singing along with them, with the occasional heart wrenching moments of truth which i do not possess what i desired.
but everytime, i am reminded of who i was in the past, the one who made me who i was before i crumbled. i was reminded of all those moments that i hold so dear to my heart, that daring and adventurous side of me trying to break the restrains that were holding her back. even times when i felt as though i was one of them, because they share the same awful encounters as i did, how they were betrayed, how they were left alone, how darkness enclosed around them, how hope was lost. i remember those moments, and they linger even until today, until now.
i felt as though i was back, back to the days where i did not have much to worry about except to keep myself in check, and get my assignments done, with natural course to do well for unjustified exams and tests. i remember that feeling, that unexplainable feeling of release and freedom when i gazed upon the boundless landscapes of indescribable beauty though the small little screen, which happens to be my window to the outside world of my world.
i love the courage they displayed, i love the loyalty they hold dear, and what i love most was their strong belief of fellowship, friendship, and most importantly, love for one another, that made them willingly use themselves as shields for the others who are in need. the spontaneous and unquestioning return to calls of aid simply amazed me, like how i was amazed in the past.
and once again, i find myself in love, with lord of the rings, just as i did, many years ago.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
facebook says this about me...
You are lovely and caring. You help others and spread out a lot of sympathy. Your life aim maybe is to serve the people.
But your weakness is that you forget about yourself, your own needs. All your time is hold back for your friends and family. You are always there for people in trouble. Ready for any emergency.
You make a lot of sacrifices just to be a good human. But every woman has her needs, her longings and a destiny. Don't loose yourself in work or curing other people's souls. You will have your own problems in your life.
Another problem is that you don't say your opinion when it's right and important to say it. People trample onto your soul if you are always so kind and lovely and helpful. They will play on you. Though you should try to relax more and enjoy your life, you should not loose the gift that was given to you to help others . Not everyone is created this way... You are uniqe and rare!
i dunno whether to laugh or to cry about it...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, March 27, 2009
i amaze myself sometimes... in ways as insignificant as possible. so am i to assume that i'm easily amazed?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, March 23, 2009
i think i'm pro... i changed my blogskin within 1 hour although i should be doing my work... it used to take me like 3-4 hours to do that.
i'm amazed by people's heightened abilities when a part of them malfunctions... in my case, it's my heart, figuratively.
and yes, you've guessed it. Mrs. Jaegerjaques is back
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Friday, March 20, 2009
it is amazing, how i define certain words.
i never knew what lonely was even i was the only child, subjected to long hours of solitude since young, until that day when i woke up to find myself in a million pieces and i couldn't reach anyone
i never knew what stress was even the days i had to endure hours of non-stop work even with people constantly reminding me of the symptoms of stress, until that day i realise my multitasking skills was not enough to be reading 8 articles on my desk, typing 1 outline, 1 treatment paper, and researching for 3 topics at the same time...
i never knew what fatigue was even with surviving for 3 hours of sleep each day just to complete work or helping others, until that day i dozed off during armstrong's class even after 6 hours of sleep
i never knew what hurt was, even when i was always in the shadows or being treated as a stepping stone, until the day i sat down to cry for absolutely no reason at all
in fact, i don't know what's going on anymore. i've been pretty much living on a day-by-day basis ever since the start of my UB life, i was never able to look beyond tomorrow. it was tomorrow's attendance, tomorrow's outline, tomorrow's quiz, tomorrow's exam, tomorrow's presentation, tomorrow's speech...
even if i do look beyond tomorrow, it's still the same, next week's exam, next week's deadline, next week's speech...
i start to ask myself, do i have a life?
just when my answer came, i found myself in yet another pit of chaos.
i overestimated my abilities, thinking i could cope
i overestimated my endurance, thinking i could take it all
i overestimated my intelligence, thinking i could figure it out
i overestimated my talents, thinking that they are my forte
3 research papers, 4 speeches, 4 outlines, 7 exams, 3 presentations, 8 assignments, 4 quizes, all within 15 weeks of hell, 105 days of torment and fatigue. i don't even want to think about the amount of work needed.
in fact, i overestimated myself, thinking i'm someone worthy of hope
in the end, i'm pretending to be someone i'm not. all the while i thought, that i created Raiin, i can be like her, or even the notion of i AM her.
now i know, i was the delusion-ed one. all these while, thinking i'm smarter, more rational, more capable.
i couldn't be more wrong
i can never do things right huh?
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
tell me the truth...
in fact, tell me everything that i need to know...
because there is a limit to the amount of hurt one can endure before the irreparable shatter...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, March 14, 2009
to person A, you have redefined the meaning of 'hell' on earth
to person B, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'disgust', 'pervert' and 'gross'
to person C, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'fun' and 'laughter'
to person D, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'entertainment'
to person E, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'courage'
to person F, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'sarcasm'
to person G, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'realism'
to person H, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'stupidity'
to person I, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'irritating'
to person J, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'torture'
to person K, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'perseverance'
to person L, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'hope'
to person M, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'despair'
to person N, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'reciprocity' and 'gratitude'
to person O, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'pathetic'
to person P, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'loud' and 'obnoxious'
to person Q, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'speak properly'
to person R, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'butt-kissery'
to person S, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'hatred'
to person T, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'delusion'
to person U, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'childishness'
to person V, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'loser'
to person W, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'fake'
to person X, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'arrogance'
to person Y, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'inconsiderate'
to person Z, you certainly have redefined the meaning of 'redefine'
lastly,
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you shut your big mouth even if you really have to speak because your voice and the way you speak can wake the dead and put the living to eternal sleep
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you go, and don't come back, or if you do have to come back, come back as a broken person, so i can laugh
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you fail dearly because you are depriving many people of the chance to excel because your big fat ass is blocking the way
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you wake up one day and find yourself in the desert with nothing more than a toothbrush and a packet of sherbet lemon (quote Johnny English)
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you realise that you are who you are today because of everyone except your own efforts
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope you realise that butt-kissery can only get you so far and i hope you fall soon and break yourself, literately and figuratively
to one of the above-mentioned person, i hope the tables turn one day and you get a taste of your own medicine
but
to all of the above-mentioned people, thanks for redefining and enlightening me on all the above issues.
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Saturday, March 7, 2009
i hate myself for being indecisive
i hate myself for being pathetic
i hate myself for being weak
i hate myself for not being able to keep to my resolutions
i hate myself for being hurtful to others around me
i hate myself for being such as lousy loser
i hate myself for being impulsive
i hate myself for being emotional
i hate myself for letting tears run
i hate myself for putting myself in situations that never seem right
i hate myself for being high and mighty
lastly, i hate myself for destroying the fortress that guarded my heart for most of my life
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
Monday, March 2, 2009
HINATA!!! YOU ARE MY HEROINE!!!!!!!!
omg you got such guts!!! to 告白in such a dire situation and faced death head on omg omg omg
you are my new heroine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
naruto you better do her justice, avenge her death or marry her if she didn't die. else i'll HATE YOU FOREVER!
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
i think it's dead...
somehow i think it's really dead...
but i don't really feel comfortable with it being dead...
then again when it's alive, it felt even more uncomfortable, infact it hurts...
ok scrape that. it hurts whether or not it's alive or dead.
and the feeling is downright pathetic...
i wished i didn't have it...
how pathetic...
.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.:
