Sunday, November 9, 2008
was watching anime all the way for 4 hours straight, or even more that that. until 4.30 AM in the morning.
i remember somewhere before these posts i said 'welcome back Raiin'. and i guess, that was the pure evidence that she had returned. i find myself laughing, even though it was like freaking unearthly. i find myself tearing, wiping tears away with a piece of overused tissue.
call me emotional, but i'm sorry i have to be myself. at each impending moment, i find myself either about to burst out in joy, clenching my fists waiting to punch the screen, or reaching for a piece of tissue.
i love the way how they can trust each other to watch their backs, come at the very moment they need help, most importantly, learn to rely on others.
the 3rd one sounds weak and wrong to many others. i myself once was an advocate of ultimate independence.
you fight, you win, your victory.
you fight, you lose, your fault.
and all these time, i portray Raiin to be someone striving, if not already reached the point where she'll fight, she'll win, perfect victory all the time.
but that day when i was daydreaming (as usual), Raiin said something "at times, you must also learn to rely on your friends."
then at this point, a long long long long ancient history long anime popped into my mind. and a phrase rang in my ears as i paused to think about what Raiin said.
"a team is built to bring out each individual's strength, not hinder them."
you are in a team, because someone in there has a strength that will cover your weakness.
i'm surprised to hear Raiin say that. to hear myself say that.
as the night went on, i scoured through 50 over episodes, 2 movies, replaying the scenes that are worth taking note of.
dreaming certainly takes you travelling, cross the boundaries of realism and virtuality.
i saw Raiin leading a life where everyone shares each others' happiness and sorrow, where there'll always be someone to watch your back, where you can wake up everyday feeling that there's a purpose in life and that you aren't worthless, and that you have the power to overcome any challenge that come your way. someone who can walk the streets saying hi to people with a slap on the back and a punch in the fist, someone who laugh for all she cares with a laughing crowd, someone who can fight back an assailant with people by her side, and more importantly, someone who isn't worthless and insignificant, that people will come tell her troubles and she'll go punch that idiot in the face, and that people come to her for help which she can go all out to help.
i don't have material wealth, i don't have talent, i don't possess a great mind, but at least, i have Raiin to lead the life i want.
someday, i hope i can lead Raiin's life in real life. perhaps not the exact same thing, certainly not the roof hopping ninja and life-saving medic and wall punching destroyer, but at least, someone who wakes up knowing someone or some matter out there needs my help, that i'm worth something.
