Friday, August 22, 2008
i hate failed attempts at everything. seriously, who likes to fail? especially at things which requires absolutly no skills at all. and i really mean no skills at all.
and living in people's shadows. not literately, but it's like when you try to get out, there's another person who stands over you and cover you once again.
that's why i refuse to do some things at some times. i just hate the feeling of not being able to do it. it just wastes time and effort.
and that horrible feeling just sux big time, when history repeats itself and you are reminded of all the resolutions you made, and see no results at all. and i hate it i hate it i hate it.
then you wish you were someone else. and you know it can't be achieved.
it just sux big time. **** **.
i think, sometimes, i just want to know the reason why things happen. and often i trace my steps, i arrive at a problem. i mean, the problem, is what caused everything, be it good or bad. and once the problem is gone, everything resolves, things go back to how it was before. and i think, all the efforts that was put in would simply dissolve into air as though they are the sand of the beach.
and no matter what forwarded mails i received, i read them, i just find that, yeah, it can be true, but for a limited time only.
and sometimes i feel like a discarded doll, when the time is right, i get purpose, and after that, i get discarded. and when that happens, i feel like an erupting volcano. so i guess we can't blame those possessed dolls for going after their old owners, since, yeah, pretty clear what the reason is.
and sometimes i find it hard to understand. you may think you know, but you have no idea. and that feeling, is just like a discarded doll. people do things which you have no idea why, and sometimes you wonder if you really think you know your place in other people's hearts.
mummie is starting to get naggy again. in fact, i should have just shut my freaking mouth that time and just pretend nothing happened. the snowball might just stop at my hand and not fall down the slope and made it bigger as it went. and it might not have hit that snowman that made it one lump bigger...
damn it.
