Friday, April 11, 2008
let me get this straight.
i hurt you by saying you didn't notice something?
what about those things you said to me? 'at most just buy the one we had'?
did you even know how i felt about it? and let me tell you something, this isn't the first time it happened.
i keep telling myself that you are stressed up about this whole thing and that i'm your best friend and i have to help you and not add on to your stress.
that's why i try not to bother you with my own problems, that's why i stayed up to chat and accompany you, that's why i put down all my work to help you. but does it matter?
all that i done for you and in the end? i hurt you?
all the things i did for you two? telling you to include him in your problems and decisions? stepping away so he have more room to stand?
you make me wonder if i was the one going around hurting others, while i myself getting hurt is perfectly normal.
i don't have any experience in all these things. so i put myself in your shoes and help you think. do you know how hard it is to empathise with someone? do you know how taxing it is to have your problems constantly in my mind?
don't turn around and say you did not ask me to do that. i did it because i'm your best friend, to share your problems.
but maybe you are right, in saying that i don't know how much my words are worth. because all these while i thought i was invisible and my words meant nothing to people around me.
you want prove?
count the number of times i proposed a solution and no one takes it, until a point where i would say 'i told you so'.
point proven. you know i'm not making a big fuss about this. it's just a way to show that i'm being appeciated and that i'm of use to other people.
why am i making such a big fuss about a polar bear? fine... ignore me thanks. i'm already having a hard time here trying to cope with my life and all it's crap i don't want to have a break down here. aleady suffering from burnout is bad enough.
just let me hate that polar bear. i have many reasons, and i assure you it's not just because 'i refuse to have the same thing as your bf'.
