Saturday, February 2, 2008




this week has been a damn it week for me. why? 4 quizes, 2 in each day, coupled with a 'presentation' with one of the quiz day.


presentation wise, i must say it's really a rocky path to finish. and not to mention the disastrous ending that came with it, thanks to Rose + Mary = (Disaster + Trouble)^(infinity)


i should say i know what was going on when the lecture did that. Rose+Mary asked if it was her, or that our presentation was confusing, and the lecture chorused 'it's just you'. i know they are siding us, after all like Mr. Mistoffolees's friend said, we have a common enemy and that's Rose+Mary.


but i can't deny the fact that yes, out of the 5 of us, the lecture hall sided the 4 of them, after all, it is plain too obvious who were the ones who said 'it's just you' and who kept quiet. i'll be too thick-skinned to say otherwise.


which brings me to the point that i have only myself to blame when last sem i was busy dramatically telling my mum, dad, Zeph, Qianz and a few others whom i can't seem to remember because its so long ago, about a fault which i thought lies with this someone and not me. the phrase 'what goes around comes around' is so true. even negative karma which is the TRUTH can come around and hit me square in the face.


What YanYi said the last time was true, and i never did forget about that because at that time, i knew how she felt. fitting into another clique is as easy as flying to the moon. not that it is not possible, just it's difficult. and i shall not dwell on what's obvious to everyone.


in the past, i've been the noisy one, the one who makes a fool out of myself for the entertainment of my friends. now, i find myself being the one who shuts up most of the time and laughing at other's joke without actual participation. i'm starting to wonder am i a good 'adapter', somehow when i'm with my old friends i'm like someone who is on sugar-high (especially true when i see stuff toys), but in school i seem to have nothing to say related to issues being discussed at the moment.


i can't and won't blame the others, afterall, technically i am just a new member, or perhaps not even offically in yet. (no offense) but everytime i see people laughing and joking with each other like they known each other for milleniums i can't help but envy them.


urayamashi na...


but in the end, instead of sitting here and feel sorry for myself for things that may be because of my own imagination or my oversensitiveness.


thanks to Angeline, for that tag on my tagbox and that little line in your tuesday's post.


thanks to Asae, for that review at FF.net


thanks to Rockstar, for the hug after Rose+Mary's Disaster.


thanks to Sapphire, for tolerating my weirdness all this time and during Rose+Mary's case study.


thanks to Mr. Mistoffolees, for the guide for the troublesome essay.


lastly, thanks to the people i met this term from last term for just smiling and saying hello to me.


Finally, thanks to Qianz, for the impromptu dinner and ridiculous request to eat Secret Recipe, and for listening to me, and for letting me be myself.


next, the upcomming week, looking forward to meeting old pals and buddies and back to being the Raiin again.


so much for that. my question is, when will Raiin be always here to stay?


to me it's just hard, with over sensitiveness and an irritating need for perfection, at the same time, play safe. i'm not saying i didn't try, because i am, but not following the steps of someone's disastrous attempt.

i haven't bought comics for a huge long time already. it goes to show how time flies when one is in the state of obvilion. sometimes i wonder what's the point of zooming to reach the end and realising that we missed the duckies who tried to cross the road, the green pasture that was on our right, and the beautiful snowcapped mountain on our left? why is everyone so focused on the ending and missing out on the important present?

when you have an answer to that, please let me know....

while zooming around, sometimes i just want to stop and rest, or better have someone beside to spend some time with. but as usual, i know that's wishful thinking, and it's best to wake up early from a fairytale dream than to forever live in fantasy and eventually lost my way. afterall, it wouldn't be Raiin anymore.

now that i look at it, i seem to have made Raiin to be such a horrible person. a colder bitch from hell would be harder to find, but values her ties with anyone more than her own life. sometimes i wonder if it's remotely possible for someone like that to exist, let alone for me to become her. perhaps she can, but i know i won't be. along the way i'll probably crumble into pieces before i even manage to finish UB maybe... but i still prefer to go by Raiin's way, since that's the only way i can think of to get me by my daily life without falling out with anyone, at the same time not fall in love, most importantly, get things done.

but Raiin can be fun sometimes... the way she was with her ice-berg cold brother eating ice-cream, chasing butterflies, sabotaging a teacher's nap with her friends, and playing match-maker. someone who ultimatly gets looked up upon, but haha, i know that's far from possible with me.

been harvest moon-ing for quite a few weeks. the thing about such game is that it makes me think less about the real world, and more about jumping into the screen and never return.

life sux, end of story.

.~*^Twilight Ring^*~.: