Friday, January 18, 2008
i can be such an idiot some times...that's the thing about humans, stubborn people especially. after so many years of hard-learnt lessons, it is still easy to forget what it is, especially if the time gap is about 1 year. i knew there wasn't something called 'new year wish'. new year resolutions yes, but not new year WISH. and yes, it's a down-right dumb stupid pathetic idea that i wished for a 'good year ahead'. and all these recent years have taught me that a year doesn't start good. and i'm stupid and foolish and idiot to hope and BELIEVE that it would be for 2008.firstly, things that overlapped from the last horrible pathetic year.psp. well, i wonder what is in that little mechanic device of entertainment that has such huge power to make me go all the bloody way down (or up) to choa chu kang 4 bloody times to get it working. and why is it that it's the centre of all my troubles despite it theoretically should be the centre of all my happiness. this could come as a shock to my pals, that i quarreled with my mother, these days, mostly because of this little device we known as 'play station portable'.
incredible, i guess, that conflicts are centred around an innocent life-less object. but i don't understand why, i'm addicted to manga/anime, and a few, let me correct that, many 'hunks' that are stuck onto my wall, and she doesn't make a sound about it that every week i spend 25 mins watching bleach anime, and another 25 mins or so reading manga. but she makes a hell of a noise, when i take out my psp for 1 second, claiming that i 'might' be addicted to it.
you know that's the problem about people. what they don't see, they don't know. what they see, they know, they assume it's always happening. a day has 24 hours, minus the 6 or 12 hours i spend sleeping, and minus away majority of it that i don't see my parents. so when i see my parents, it's only like for 2/3 hours before they go to bed and i stay up for my own needs. and that 1 second in that 2/3 hours, they assume i play the psp for thousands of years non-stop.
i've always have this theory. ok, not theory, psy 101 teacher and text book says that it's not. so, i've always have this hypothesis. that one has absolutely no right to comment on things that they don't know, or have not done, or have not seen or have not experienced.and that is exactly why i say i hate this world.
that aside. next. new term. i must say that on the first day of sch, and on the first lesson, my hopes, ok, scratch that, it is clear to me that this is not going to be a good year, let alone a good semester. pretty self-explanatory if you are in my shoes, or rather slippers. i shan't put it here, assuming that this is the internet we are talking about...
and all of this pales to the fact that i should learn, no not learn, that i should NEVER think about believing and hoping and trusting anymore. we are talking about the real world, and not a fairytale. yes, Cinderella can 'keep believing', snow white can keep 'wishing', but this is the end. fairytale settings are extinct in the real world. and as Genie said 'wake up and smell the aroma', that's the cruel world out there. never believe, never hope, and never trust, that something good is coming your way. you want something good, either you earn it, steal it (although you'll feel damn guilty after that), whatever. and if life puts you in somewhere you don't want, blame life, and not yourself. because there are too many factors in life that you can't control. so those who say they have absolute control over circumstances, kick them in the stomach for me thanks.on a lighter note,
Ling2 and
Qianz have taken into the habit of declaring their love for Kaien, Gin and Aizen on msn so very often. well, i guess this is a growing trend eh?
in the past, when we were still hallucinating kids who know nothing about the dark side of human nature, we are psychoed to like the good guys, and hate the bad guys.
but now, i see all my friends,
Zeph,
Ling2 and
Qianz taking bad guys to be their darlings.
Zeph for Ulquiorra,
Ling2 for Gin, and
Qianz, the ultimate bad-guy-lover, Aizen...
fascinating subject eh? in the past we love all those good guys in stories, and hate those bad guys to the core. and now, the tables turned.
i've just started on psy 101 so i can't give an explanation to this trend. but perhaps, on my own opinion, for myself, i can understand why bad guys are bad, and why they did those things that are considered bad. why? i'm a bad guy myself. not such an odd or strange thing to others i think so yes, you have your answer.
so before
Zeph,
Ling2 and
Qianz starts to rebut, i'll admit, yes, i love
.~*Grimmjow*~. also. to the point i start to hallucinate, and he starts to pop up in my thoughts ever so often. so no need to retaliate.
and all of this makes me miss my old friends suddenly. i miss the days where i can actually participate in the conversations without having to worry about impressions and saying the wrong thing. as they might know, i'm a dramatic person, once i start, i can't stop... but circumstances and situations have brought me to play the role of a mute. and i think it's starting to become a huge problem in life for me.so with the wave of sch, psp and friends, you perhaps understand why i'm being depressed these days, and have absolutely no more mood left to go shopping for the bloody new year clothes which, is a huge hassle now that i'm old enough to do my shopping my own, and a massive load of school stuff biting my neck off.
so let me go back to an old quote i love saying:
"waiting for lightning to strike me" 