Tuesday, September 18, 2007
in light of what
Zephyris wrote in her blog today, coupled with a particular teacher 'disallowing' me to express myself with my usual hand, i find my fingers itching up a storm.
Zeph and i got to know each other after about a few weeks after we started out secondary school life, which in my opinion is the worst studying life i have ever had in my life to this date. yes i blame it on my own stupidity that
i've landed in such a state, but that's not my point and more importantly, not my concern anymore. our paths differed after moving on to Sec 3, and we moved along, met different people. but what she said in her blog today, which although i have never encountered before, i can sympathise with her. our situations and circumstances differ, but i cannot help but realise that at the end of the day, we are not much different from each other.
yes, i have a high opinion about myself, and yes
i've met similar people. and like they say, 'like poles repel', but somehow, it always puzzles and surprises me that these people can become friends, then good friends, then best friends, and if it's between a guy and a girl, maybe even further, i don't know.
and yes i am a C type person. although stand here with a critical mind, with a perfectionist attitude,
i'm still also a peace lover. yes my friends will disagree with me that
i'm a peace lover, because throughout the days
i've been in secondary school especially,
i'm so-called 'blacklisted' by the guys as 'undesirable no.1'. well, i do that because i have my own reasons, and till this date, my shoulder angel and devil are still debating over are the reasons justifiable or not. but it doesn't matter, because when someone is 'blacklisted', they are, sadly, marked for life. and i accept that, which is why
i'm not making efforts to change what people think of me, except maybe to shut myself away. silly? yes i know. but i see that i have no other choice.
therefore whenever i see myself with contrasting opinions, i tend to say 'yeah i know'. and which indecisively determines that
i've lost that argument. and sometimes i feel stupid after that, and when i sit down and think. why did i let someone step over me? whatever happened to the high opinionated me? where has the warring me gone?
which in the end brings me back to the old tale which
i'm tired of repeating, and people are tired of reading. 'why didn't you tell me so?' 'i did, you didn't want to listen'
yes
i've always said
i'm tired of that crap. but i just find that, when people view you as a weak sheep, their perception doesn't change. and when you finally stand up for yourself, they'll think you're trying to fight with them and take their victory. which again lead to conflicts and hence a broken-down friendship or relationship.
i myself have many ways of looking at this situation. the one who puts people down say things without thinking, or unintentionally. but without doubt, these two reasons attributes to the fact that the individual is short-sighted. i mean, things happen for a reason right? and people say things for a reason. why put someone down, when reason is not heard and when the tables turn, start pointing fingers at people? yes, occasionally the reason presented may not be correct or relevant, but that's the whole point of communication isn't it?
and from the receiver's point of view, it just hurts. yes i understand that, simply because i have a strong acquaintanceship with such a situation. it feels like
i'm belittled, or thrown aside like a battered doll. and especially for someone who has high opinion of herself, coupled with a type C personality, it comes as a direct insult to me, which of course,
i'll never say it to people, because once again, i prefer literal and figural peace.
sometimes i wonder about rights. not the rights that an individual has, but rather the rights for people to criticise. yes
i've gotten that many times back in FF.net. it is not surprising that people who flames or criticise often make similar, if not worse mistakes. and we, the flamed would be raging a storm about on what grounds do they have the right and power to criticise when they themselves are the one who are making the mistakes.
yep, that's a really big problem isn't it? yes everyone has faults,
mine's pretty clear to everyone. but it is also inevitable that people have different faults. and more puzzling is the fact the different abilities people have coincide with the different faults in people. but what is truly puzzling is that people don't seem to acknowledge that. they think it is a smite to their pride or an attempt to defeat them. make it simple, people don't appreciate the complimentary abilities to their faults but view them as a threat.
and before i get smite by my own argument, yes, i am in that same situation where my abilities, are being put down even before they have the chance to surface. and yes, as usual it comes as a direct insult to me, and again people won't know because of the peace keeping work
i'm doing.
yes i am an emotional person, even if the incident happened
millenniums ago, if i think about it one ounce harder, i will get riled up easily. and till this date i can still feel the exact anger i felt during the times when i was put down. and i speak from true experience, it is not a nice feeling. no body in the sane mind would like that.
but it happens everywhere isn't it? just different stories with different people and different degree of it happening only.
