Saturday, September 22, 2007
alright, i skipped out of blogging when i came home because i was very tired. but the experience was funny. typing on the keyboard, which i've long forgotten the feel when i changed to laptop, while my eyes followed the teacher to show i was listening. bwahahaha!!!!anyway, i saw this person on MRT yesterday on the way home whom i recognised as Qianz's friend from NCHS. so i called her, though i forgot her name, but in the end she recognised me and we started chatting about our different lives, in SIM and NUS. well, i shall not say anything more, before i start to get irritated an annoyed by the whole string of events that lead me to this day. either way, i reached home safely, without being killed by the mob of rush hour and anything else. came home and was so darn tired because i was reading the UGC book throughout the train ride. and my mind was full of Confucius and terra-cotta... read your blog
Zephyris! and i totally agree with your last paragraph, and loved it. whahaha.
(sry, no emoticon...) wonder where did our days in sec sch went eh? haha. but well, considering the outside circle of our lives, i'd rather not go back. agree?
well sometimes a person's experience, to each individual is unique and important, yes people recognise that. but what people don't realise is that
OTHER people have their own experiences also. often people see what's not right by their eyes in people, and assume that they are just
blank pieces of paper, while theirs, would be a
shining resume with hard-learnt valuable experiences. so when thrown a series of what i called hostilities against me and well, indirectly about those who made my experiences,
(though some of which i wish i were the one insulting), i wondered how much did my hellish encounters with
'the devil', together with my friends worth. for the record, each of them, up till now can still recall the intensity of it, which very much makes us who we are today. but then just how many people would believe me when i tell them that? it's always the same vacant expressions and 'yeah right's and 'so what?'s.
it brings me back to the previous posts i've put up, about the perfectionist statement, the king and the eagle, the right to criticise and well, basically everything. and when i look at the situation, it's just a 'live' show of exactly what happened in the posts. to me, i should be used to seeing this, after all, like Momoshiro said, 'it's like a video record, again and again'. but well, anyone at that time would be furious, like Kenichi when Takeda was ambushed. and yes i was so furious that day that i actually couldn't sleep until 1 am and i didn't want to go to school the next day.and when i woke up and was on the train, i was listening to the songs that felt extremely nostalgic and japanese haha. i realised somethings from the lyrics and began thinking about the repeating of history. and well, i have my ways of interpreting and coming to conclusions for that matter in particular, but well, people are just going to say i'm doing a 'closure' from communication where i fill in the blanks myself and thus i'm biased. as usual as usual.my mum always tells me
'don't do things you'll regret later', which i think is really true, especially for someone who is afraid of almost every failure
(except maths), and is a perfectionist
(yep i see rolling eyes). but for someone like my mum, i am more likey to believe her. after all, she is my mum, and yes, she has gone through a lot of 'thick and thin's and what someone so crudely put, 'shitstorms'. true, since she isn't highly educated, just like my dad. but when i look at them, i see two shiny resumes. but well, when others look at them, it is less likely people will have a good impression of me, due to stereotypes and perceptions of short-sighted, or even blind people.
these are the people whom i truly despise and working hard for one day i'll step on them and laugh. for my mum's words, i took it with nods, and i changed it to
'don't do things you'll say 'sorry' for later'. and, yes i was like this before, and i felt really bad after my actions. so i took care of what i say and do, in hopes of preventing conflicts with people head-on, but sometimes there are those who push the limit and i ended up letting the uglier side of me surface. and seriously when things happen, i find that there's no point of saying sorry because the damage done is done.
in a sequence i was thinking through for Raiin in the Naruto context that day, i brought that phrase further. the sequence was that a medical ninja was charged guilty for mixing up two antidotes for two very similar fatal poisons, of which one antidote has an add-on effect for the other poison. the medic nin believes that he is innocent and fled, but not for long when Raiin asked for two ANBU to hunt him down. when brought forward, Raiin showed him a test tube containing the colourless poison, asking him what is it. the medic nin answered confidently, while struggling with the ANBU. then Raiin took out another test tube containing another colourless liquid, the medic nin realises his mistake. and to add to the situation, the ninja whom this medic nin 'saved' was actually his best friend, and further more, on the day Raiin took the post of Captain, her 'welcome' speech mentioned about the two poisons. the medic nin asked to be punished for his mistake, but Raiin did not. she said:"Punishing you is easy, but it doesn't solve the problem. One precious life of a comrade is gone, and you cannot turn back time to undo your mistakes. With you in jail, or even dead, you are simply running away. I'll give you a chance to amend your mistake, but you must understand that, even if you succeed this next mission, you can never redeem yourself of the life you have took just because you refused to wait for another hour."yes it sounds like some high and mighty person. and yes, that's
Raiin, not me, not
Suen Hui. but i just thought that it is somewhat true. because you can't kill a person and say sorry to their parents. and perhaps in the ninja world, and in
Raiin's opinion, they can be given a chance to amend their mistakes, but here in the real world, i don't think that's possible, simply because people don't learn from their mistakes, unless something hard hit them. we get people apologising left right and center, and the cycle just goes round and round. and then i'll always be saying 'here we go again'.
Zephyris, i think you're more frustrated at those who DON'T apologise eh? thinking that they are always right, and that their words are bubbles but in reality are nails and pins, which you hope one day you can use 'Saiko kineshisu' at that right? But well, in my opinion, unless we are
Raiin or
Shiyuki, these just keeps coming at us eh?
that's why i say, let's go get the voodoo kit. whahaha.and after THAT issue with my past catching up with me on my first day of new life, i realise, with greater importance that people should learn to control their emotions. frankly, i get that from my mum all the time. she would come home with a face that looks like someone just slapped her and when i asked about it, she thinks i'm trying to pick a fight. that's when i told her not to bring your frustrations from work back, because it's an issue outside of home, and i am innocent. which is why when i see her, i told myself not to be like this.
which is why when i am frustrated, i don't take it out on people, and when i have to talk about it, i'll find a time where i am looking at the issue from a wider perspective, and DISCUSS it with others, be it my parents or with my friends. and well, sure at times i get dramatic and start to scream a little, but at least i let them know i'm not lashing out on them and using them as a punching bag.
but seriously... do i look like a punching bag? because somehow, i find that i'm always the target of a storm. the thundercloud would choose my head to overcast and strike the lightning at me. and rain on me. and only me.and surprisingly, my God-giving talent happens to be
'able to put myself in someone else's shoes' and some degree of
'continuous logical thoughts'. and these seems small and insignificant... because people don't listen to me when i find something critical...
well, i am freaking tired of trying to convince people to listen to me when i make a logical and critical statement, so to prevent myself from walking, er, i mean flying the eagle's path, i mean area of sky, i'll just watch the show, and when my prediction came true, don't come biting at me for not warning or saying it, because you don't have the right to do so. 